


From the Start

by nxwtmas



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Sort Of, a lot of fluff, and then they fall in love, it all happens really quick, somewhere in between high school and college, they're friends for like a week
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-06-28 10:15:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 81,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15705195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nxwtmas/pseuds/nxwtmas
Summary: Everything always seems easy for everyone else. Thomas' parents are working at their dream jobs, his friends all know where they're going to college, and everyone seems ready to move on. But Thomas isn't. He can't tell his parents that he doesn't want to follow in their footsteps even though that's what they want and his friends don't understand the conflict he's feeling. Everyone knows what they want except for him. It isn't until he meets Newt that he realizes what passion is and that he is capable of feeling it. Thomas still needs to figure out what it is he wants and he can't let the influence of his parents, friends, or Newt affect his decision.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multiple chapter fanfic I'm posting on here, so I don't really know what to expect. I have a lot of plans for this and I'm really excited to keep updating! Also shoutout to my friend Lucy who has been my number one supporter from the moment I came up with this idea. Thanks for always listening to my rants and being so patient, Ily <3

The letter was placed on the counter when he came home. In a perfectly sealed white envelope with his name in the center, it sat waiting for him on the kitchen counter right on top of the rest of the mail. Had the bold logo not caught his eye as he walked past the counter, he would not have stopped. He would not have seen the letter now, and likely would have had to have it pointed out to him. He kind of wished that had been the case. He had seen it, though, and now he stood leaning over the kitchen counter with the letter in his hands. The last letter; the only one he had left to open.

Perhaps he should have been feeling more. Excitement, nervous, relieved. Something other than the devout lack of anything that he did feel. Actually, he did feel a little bit of dread. A tiny bit of annoyance, even, crept in as he picked up the letter and ran his finger over the seal. He considered setting it down and walking away as though he hadn't seen it, but he had a feeling he was being watched. He didn't bother checking to see if he was right, but it felt as though eyes were watching him from somewhere, so he held onto the letter and flipped it over. He broke the seal very slowly and carefully, making sure it didn't tear. He wasn't actually concerned about the condition of the envelope, but he was in no rush to have it open.

The envelope was thick. That was generally a good sign, depending on how you looked at it. He had already opened a couple envelopes that were just as thick as the one he was opening now and they had all had the same news that he assumed this one would. He withdrew the contents of the envelope and very slowly unfolded it. He closed his eyes, took a breath, and opened his eyes once more. In the top left corner there was the logo.

**NYU**

And below it,

_Dear Thomas Riley,  
We are pleased to inform you..._

That's where he stopped reading. He knew what the rest would say. This just gave him the simple answer he was looking for; he got in. Thomas stared at the letter for another second before folding it back up and tucking it into the envelope once more. There was nothing else he needed to know.

From somewhere behind him someone cleared their throat. He wasn't shocked when he turned around to find his mom lingering in the doorway. She looked at him expectantly with a hesitant smile. She hovered for a moment before she caught him watching her then took a couple steps into the kitchen.

"So?" She asked. "Good news?"

Thomas nodded. "Yeah," He said. "Good news."

Her smile grew wider. She cleared the distance between them and pulled him in for a hug. He did his best to reciprocate, but knew he wasn't putting in near as much enthusiasm as she was. It was clear she did not notice, too focused on her own excitement to see the lack of his.

"I’m so proud of you!" She said. She stepped away and put her hands on his shoulders, looking up at him. She was beaming which made Thomas feel guilty for not feeling anything. Despite the fact that it was his news, not hers. Still, he did his best to put on a smile that came pretty close to matching hers. He didn't say anything, though, because he knew it wouldn't sound genuine. At all.

"Obviously," She said as she began turning away from him. "You have a lot you need to start thinking about. There are a lot of choices you need to start making. Now, don't feel like you can't come talk to me and your father about them, but ultimately it is your decision to make."

She continued talking as she began collecting items from the fridge and cabinets in preparation for dinner. Thomas tuned her out. Everything she was saying he had either heard before or already thought of himself. It also wasn't something he felt interested in hearing about. When she began to slow down and lose her rhythm, he disappeared from the kitchen and headed downstairs.

There was only one bedroom downstairs and it was Thomas'. His parents' bedroom and the two guest rooms were on the top floor, so he pretty much had the entire basement to himself. Which was nice when all he wanted to do was escape his mom's rambling and be alone. Like now. Right now it wasn't so much about avoiding his mom, rather avoiding the subject she was discussing.

Even so, when he got to his room Thomas placed the new letter on his desk, then dug around one of the drawers before placing two nearly identical envelopes next to it. He knew what all of them said. The first one had arrived in the mail a week earlier and the second one had arrived three days prior. When he'd found the first one sitting on the counter his mom had not been inconspicuous. She had been waiting on the barstool staring at it when he'd gotten home and handed it to him with high energy. He, at the time, had been almost as excited as her. Except when he'd opened it to find he'd been accepted, he felt considerably less excited. He couldn't even explain it, but all the happiness he'd felt about it disintegrated with the confirmation. When the other letter arrived, he felt none of the elation he did the first time and felt even more upset when the letter also said he'd been accepted. His mom, on the other hand, became more giddy with every letter. So every time he did his best to pretend he was happy, too, but every time it became harder to do so.

There had been one other letter he received between the first and second acceptance letter. He'd still felt some excitement when he found that one in the mail, but was more nervous than anything. When he'd opened it and read the first line, he couldn't explain why he felt happier about it than he did the first one.

_Dear Thomas,  
We regret to inform you..._

It was the only one that said that. Out of the four colleges he applied to, that was the only one that hadn't accepted him. His mother had been discouraged. The disappointment was clear in her face when he read it out loud, but she was quick to hide it.

"Well," She had cleared her throat and put on her best reassuring face. "I suppose it doesn't matter. You got into at least one of them, which is what's important."

Still, though, Thomas had seen the disappointment and wondered why he had felt relieved when he was supposed to be upset. Which was exactly how he felt the next two times he was told he'd been accepted.

It seemed selfish. Thomas knew there were a lot of people who got rejected from every place they applied. He had applied to four colleges and got accepted to three of them. He should feel happy, but all he felt was letdown. Which, again, was ridiculous. He was fortunate enough to be able to pick where it was he wanted to go. He had options. But that was a part of the problem. He had options. Which meant he had to decide which option would be the best and most advantageous to his future. Which, at 18, felt like a huge decision to make. And while he did have help and guidance from his parents, most of the decision making fell to him. It was a lot of pressure for a choice he wasn't even sure he was ready to make. And his parents were both so happy. Thomas knew he would have to tell his dad when he came home and he knew how happy the news would make him, but knowing that just made it even harder to tell him.

Thomas pulled out the contents of all three letters and neatly arranged them in front of him. He read the opening lines of all of them. He'd read all of them countless times, trying to feel any ounce of joy from any of them, but every time all he got was anxiety. These decisions were too hard to make.

_Dear Mr. Riley,  
We are pleased to inform you…_

_Dear Thomas Riley,  
Congratulations!_

_Dear Thomas,  
We are pleased to inform you…_

All with slight variations, but all delivering the same message. There was one other letter, though. The day he had opened the single rejection letter, he had told his mother he wanted to be alone and came down to his bedroom. He hadn't been lying; he had wanted to be alone. Only because he was afraid his mom would sense the relief he felt and ask him why he wasn't upset. She had been understanding and left him alone for the rest of the night. When he'd shut the door, Thomas had intentions of throwing the letter out. It's not like there was a point in keeping it, and his parents certainly wouldn't want to remember it. But just as he'd been about to throw it out, he stopped. He couldn't. He couldn't explain why, either, but he tucked it into a different drawer and left it there. It felt like a reminder. Of what, he didn't know, but it was reassuring whenever he started getting stressed about all the decisions he had to make. Maybe that made him crazy, but no one else knew about it so no one could call him crazy but himself.

Thomas stayed in his room for a while longer. He sat in his desk chair and carefully studied all the letters in front of him. It didn't take long for his head to start hurting. All the decisions he was going to have to make soon and the pressure from his parents. It was a lot to think of when he wasn't even sure what he wanted to do. He didn't have much longer to dwell on it, though, because his mom was calling him telling him dinner was ready. Which meant his father was home and now he would have to deal with a whole other issue.

Thomas took his time to get upstairs where his parents were both already sitting and waiting for him. His dad smiled at him when he entered the room and he did his best to smile back. He took his normal seat between his parents and began dishing up. His parents chatted for a while, not seeming to notice Thomas' lack of participation. After a few minutes, though, there was a lull that Thomas knew he was supposed to fill. He didn't. Instead, he waited for his mom to clear her throat and fill it for him.

"So, Thomas," She said. "How was your day?" She asked it like she didn't already know.

Thomas stabbed the food on his plate with a fork before he set it down and looked up at his parents who were both looking at him expectantly.

"It was fine." He said before looking at his dad specifically. "Actually, I got my admissions letter from NYU."

His dad perked up considerably, but did his best to contain it in case it was bad news. It was a poor effort, but Thomas gave him credit for trying.

"And?" He asked.

Thomas let the question sit for a moment. It felt like a pause was necessary. He also smiled before answering to make it seem like he was happy about the news.

"I got in." He finally said.

Now his dad didn't bother containing his excitement. His smile was as wide as his mom’s had been. "That's great!" He said. "I’m happy for you."

"Thanks." Thomas said. He continued eating despite the fact that he was no longer very hungry. It was, however, the easiest excuse to avoid participating in the conversation that ensued.

Much like the one his mother had when she'd found out, his father leapt into a very similar discussion. He informed Thomas of all his options and everything he should start to consider. They'd had this conversation several times already, but now there was no delaying it. Now he had received responses from every college he'd applied to and now he knew where he could and could not go. Now he had to figure some things out.

Despite the subject being him, he didn't say a word. He hardly heard anything either of his parents were saying. He vaguely noticed them switch from all the decisions he had to make to all the fun they had when they went to college. Thomas had heard all of these stories, too. College was where his parents had met. They'd started dating when his mother was in her freshman year and his father a junior at law school. They'd gotten married shortly after she had graduated, took up a job at the same company two years later, and then had their first and only child. Now they lived as a happy family with his father as the head of his own law firm and his mother working as the secretary at - yes - the same firm. They both had law degrees and even though only one of them put theirs to use, they both loved their experiences at college. Now they wanted the same for Thomas who was to major in business so he could have similar opportunities they had been given.

Thomas had heard the story countless times. Ever since he'd started his senior year of high school it was all he heard. He knew they wanted him to follow the same path they did, which is why it had been so hard to tell them he was going to take a year off between high school and college. They had assumed he would go right away, just like they both had, and were shocked to find out he had different plans.

"People who take a year off never go back." His mom had told him. "They always say they will, but then they find they like being out of school and never go."

It had taken a lot of convincing, but he'd managed to bargain with them. When he finally started applying for college they started to relax and placed themselves right beside him as though they were the ones that were applying. As much as Thomas appreciated his parents involvement in his life, sometimes he felt like he was being suffocated. They were always right beside him whenever he had to make any kind of decision. Especially regarding college. He was pretty sure they were more excited than he was; not that he would ever tell them that.

Now, Thomas' dad finally started to slow down. The conversation still centered around college, but it was now more stories than anything Thomas actually needed to know. He quickly finished his dinner and set his cutlery down loud enough to get his parents’ attention, but not so loud to make him seem angry. It was just his way of reminding them that he was still there without interrupting. Over the years he had found that was the only way of doing so when they got on certain subjects, college being the main one. When they were both looking at him, he cleared his throat.

"I told my friends I would stop by Nina's in a little bit."

"Oh," His mom said. It was almost like she had forgotten he was there. He wouldn't have been surprised if she had. "Sure. Just make sure you aren't out too late."

"I won't be." Thomas grabbed his dishes and put them in their respective places. He ran down to his room to grab his wallet and his phone then made his way outside. He heard his dad shout something after him, but he couldn't quite make out what it was. He heard something about being proud, but after that he chose to ignore the rest. He got the gist.

Thomas drove to the café slowly. He knew his friends would notice something was wrong, so he had to figure out how to explain to them why all of this was a bad thing. It was easier to talk to his friends about the things that bothered him about college, but there were still some things that he knew they wouldn't understand. He barely understood a lot of it himself. He knew he could give them a brief explanation and they would all be understanding which meant by the time he got there he was no longer worried about it.

Nina's was a café Thomas and his friends had been hanging out it since before they could drive. It was a fairly equal distance from all of their houses so walking there after school made it a pretty even walk home for all of them. When they started turning 16 one by one there was usually a designated driver until all of them were 16 and usually took their own vehicles. It was a cute place that had been fitting for them at 14 when the only drink they would order was hot chocolate and was still fitting for them at 18 when coffee or tea was all they drank. Meaning there was no particular demographic it catered to; it was welcoming for all ages. And for Thomas and his friends it became even more so when one of them actually started working there. It had always been their place at least once a week after school and even now.

Thomas headed inside and looked around. If they had been on some TV show there would be one booth or one table that was their spot. Guaranteed reservation where they never had to wait for. This was not, however, a TV show, which meant they never knew where they were going to end up or if there would even be room for all of them. Now as Thomas scanned the room, he found a couple of his friends tucked in a corner booth. From the looks of it there was only two of them, which meant everyone else was probably either working or studying.

Even from a distance Thomas could tell his friends were arguing; they frequently were. It was never too serious, always light hearted. He headed over, ready to settle whatever debate it was they were having, when he heard what it was they were talking about was the one subject he'd been hoping to avoid.

"I just think it's a lot cheaper to live on campus. You don't have to worry about rent, and you get all your meals provided for you." This came from Brenda who, just like Thomas, had taken a year off after graduation. Out of all of Thomas' friends, she had been the most recent addition to their group. Of course, that had been two years earlier when her family had moved into town, so she wasn't exactly new anymore, just newer.

"Yeah, but then it’s your place. You don't have to share it with anybody. Unless you have a roommate, but you still get your own bedroom. Privacy is vital." Minho carried out his side of what was clearly not an argument, just a disagreement. They did that a lot, too.

Thomas had known Minho for longer than he could remember. He was his oldest and best friend and knew Thomas better than anybody. Minho was also headed to university in the fall, but had been taking courses at the community college. When Thomas' parents had found out that's what Minho was doing they had begged Thomas to do the same. Thomas had been quick to point out that, unlike his friend, he had no idea what he wanted to pursue. He told them it would have been a waste of money. After enough persuasion, his parents had unhappily backed off.

Now Thomas approached the table. He waited for them to notice him before he said or did anything which took a lot less time than he thought it would. Brenda noticed him first since she was the one facing him and immediately lit up when she did.

"Thomas, hey!" She slid into the booth and patted the seat next to her.

"Oh, good." Minho said. "Thomas will agree with me."

"About what?" Thomas said as he sat down next to Brenda. He was pretty sure he'd gotten the gist of their conversation, but he really didn't feel like talking about anything college related.

"Okay, which is better," Brenda said. "Living on campus or getting your own place?"

It didn't seem like much of an argument. Really, he thought it was more of an opinion based discussion, but this is how it was with them. Everything could be turned into an argument as long as they disagreed in the slightest. Brenda and Minho were constantly bickering about something. If someone didn't know them they would assume they hated each other, when in reality the opposite was true. They had hit it off from the moment they'd met. She had been a nice addition to the group, even if she did spend a considerable amount of time arguing with Minho. For the most part it was entertaining, but when the matter at hand was something Thomas didn't feel like talking about - like now, for instance - it could get annoying.

"I don't know." Thomas said. He'd been hoping to leave it at that, but clearly they needed an actual answer from him. "I guess it depends on how much rent is and how far away it is from the campus. In your first year you'd probably want to live on campus so you can get a feel for it. Also be more involved."

Both of them looked at Thomas for a moment after he finished speaking. For a second he thought he was going to have to say more, but thankfully they kept going.

"That wasn't a definite answer," Brenda said, "But that was definitely leaning more towards living on campus."

Minho scoffed. "For the first year." They resumed to where they'd been before Thomas had arrived. He did his best to tune it out, wishing they would just change subjects. He supposed he could interject if he really wanted to, talk about something he was interested in, but he wasn't even really sure what that was. Thankfully, at that moment a mug was being carefully set in front of him.

The décor, much like the building itself, was cozy. The mugs were big and all pastel colors which gave off warm vibes, according to the owner. She was right about that. The mug in front of Thomas was an off-white and filled to the brim with foam spilling over the side. Steam rose up from the drink. A matching plate was underneath it and catching what was spilling. Thomas had not ordered the drink, but he hadn't needed to.

Pulling it closer to him, he looked up at the presence that was now standing next to the table. Brenda and Minho stopped arguing for a second to look as well. The waitress was wearing a white apron that tied around her waist overtop of a forest green sweater and navy blue jeans. She was adjusting the ponytail that was slowly falling apart, gathering the now loose strands into her fingers and pushing it out of the way. Just above her hip was a nametag that was supposed to be on her chest that read TERESA.

"Hey." She said to Thomas. Clearly she'd already said hello to Minho and Brenda before he'd arrived.

"Hi." Thomas replied. "Thanks." He gestured to the drink she'd brought over.

"Sure." She dropped her hands and looked at him. "So, what's going on?"

"Not much." He took a sip from the drink and winced. Still too hot. "How's work?"

She sighed and moved over to the side Minho was sitting and made him slide in. She sat down and sighed again.

"It's been a long day." She said. "Glad it's almost over." She was still on duty for what Thomas was sure was another hour, but she didn't seem concerned as she got comfortable in the booth across from him. She got away with a lot and yet the rules she had to follow were stricter than those of the other employees. That probably had something to do with her connections to the boss.

"Is your mom in?" Thomas asked her.

Teresa sighed. "No." She glanced back in the direction of the counter where she was technically supposed to be. "She knocked off early. Been working a lot of doubles lately."

Thomas nodded and took another sip of his drink. It was still hot, but not intolerable. Teresa jumped into the conversation Minho and Brenda were now having. Despite the subject being a much different one than that of the one Thomas had walked in on, he didn't feel he had the energy to participate. He tuned most of what they said out, catching a word or two as the three of them went at it.

"Hey." Thomas heard it, but didn't pick up on the fact that it was directed at him. Not until someone kicked his shin.

"Ow! What?" He now turned to look at all his friends who were all looking at him.

"What's going on with you, man?" Minho asked him. Thomas wondered how long they had been watching him.

"What do you mean?" Thomas asked.

"You're spacey." Teresa said.

"Yeah, and you aren't talking." Brenda added. "Which is unusual for you."

Thomas shrugged and swirled his spoon around his now half empty mug. He didn't really feel like talking, but he knew it wouldn't take much for them to pry it out of him.

"What's wrong, Thomas?" Brenda asked softly. It was the kindness in her voice that made it easier for Thomas to tell them what was going on.

"I got my admissions letter to NYU." He told them. If he didn't have their attention before, he certainly had it now. All three of them perked up at that and moved in closer to him.

"And?" Minho asked him. There was an edge to his voice. He probably thought the news would be bad based on the flatness in Thomas' tone.

"I got in."

Silence. For one moment and then two. Minho and Teresa exchanged a glance. Brenda raised an eyebrow and looked from the other two, back to Thomas. It was clear no one knew how to react, from context to tone.

"And…" Minho said, slowly. "That's a bad thing?"

"No." Thomas said, but it was clear that he didn't mean that. "I mean, I don't know. It's stressful, is all. Like, now I have all these decisions to make and I have no way of knowing if I'm making the right one. It may have been easier if I'd only gotten into one or two."

Thomas looked up at his friends. Minho was nodding sympathetically and Brenda just gave him a small smile. Teresa, however, remained stoic. Then she spoke.

"Thomas, you are an idiot." This wasn't a rare thing for her to say, so he didn't give her much of a reaction. Luckily, she wasn't looking for one. "Do you know how many people would kill for the opportunity that you've been given? At least you have options. Be grateful for them and take advantage."

Thomas had known Teresa for nearly as long as he had known Minho and this was what he'd always loved about her. She was tough. There was no lying to save feelings, but it was also always tactful. For as long as he had known her she had always told the truth, but the truth she told was never more than the person could handle. She'd probably made him cry a couple times when they were younger, but it was a trait he'd always admired. Especially right now.

"I know, you're right." He said. "I'm really fortunate and I need to stop thinking so selfishly." He knew it was true, but his tone was slightly mocking.

"Well," She said, standing up. "Whether you're happy or not, congratulations."

The other two took this as their moment to chime in.

"Yeah, man, good job." Minho said.

"I'm proud of you, Thomas." Brenda gave him a slightly awkward side hug.

"Okay, I have to go back to work." Teresa said. It was actually rare for her to sit down for so long. As the bosses daughter, she usually tried to avoid looking lazy so other employees wouldn't claim she was getting special treatment. When the opposite was actually true. If anything, she got worse treatment to avoid that exact issue. She rarely complained, though. It was money and it was for college. And unlike Thomas, she knew when something was worth complaining about. She was about to head back to the counter when she stopped and spun around.

"Oh! I almost forgot." She took back those few steps and approached the booth again. "I just found out I have a distant cousin who's moving here for a few months. I'm supposed to show him around, so he'll probably be hanging around for a while."

"A cousin?" Thomas asked. Teresa didn't have much family. Around here it was just her and her mom. He knew there were distant relatives somewhere around the country and some on another continent, but she never talked about them. This was something to be surprised about.

"A distant cousin." Teresa said again. "Yeah, I guess he's moving here for college or something? I don't really know. I didn't get a lot of information from my mom. All I know is I met him once when I was 6 and he was 7, his parents got in contact with my mom to let her know he's coming, and she thought it would be good for me to show him around."

"When's he going to be here?" Brenda asked.

"Sometime this week, I guess."

"Is he staying with you?" Minho asked.

"No, he got his own apartment." She paused. "Which his parents are paying for, by the way."

There was a hint of resentment in her tone. He knew it was because her and her mom had struggled financially since her dad left when she was young. Her mom hadn't even had family to turn to because she'd disobeyed her parents so she could be with Teresa's father, who her parents had considered to be flaky and a horrible influence. Turns out they had been right, but she'd been too stubborn to admit it. There were still some distant relatives, but never close enough to turn to. And as it turned out, some of said relatives had money. Enough money that they were willing to pay for their 19 year old son's rent for who knows how long.

Teresa sighed. "Anyways, I'll introduce you when he gets here. My shift is over in 40 minutes if any of you want to stick around."

The rest of them watched as she walked back to the counter before turning back to each other. Thomas sighed at what he thought was a normal volume, but earned him a look from both Minho and Brenda.

"Are you okay?" Minho asked him, eyebrows raised.

Thomas shrugged. "Just stressed. My parents won't stop talking to me about college, which is making the decision-making process harder."

"Don't worry about it too much." Brenda said. "You'll figure it out."

Normally that advice would be anything but helpful, but coming from Brenda it actually helped. She was one of those people who had that tone that made everything she said a little more reassuring. It helped Thomas to relax for the time being, anyways.

They all jumped back into conversation, Thomas actually participating in this one, which carried them to the end of the night. Brenda left 20 minutes before Teresa's shift ended after being asked to come home by her mother. She was frequently leaving early to accommodate her mother's strict curfew that always seemed to be changing. Minho and Thomas waited for Teresa who came back to their table a little less than 40 minutes later. Her apron was now gone and her hair was once again falling out of her ponytail. She was one of those people who could pull off the messy look, though.

"Okay," She said. "I'm ready to get out of here." They all left the building together and gathered on the sidewalk outside.

"Are we doing anything?" Thomas asked. It wasn't rare for them to find something else to do after everybody was done work, even if 'something' was just hang out at somebody's house until it got too late.

"Can't." Minho said. "I have an early class tomorrow."

"Alright. Catch up with you later then." Thomas said. Minho nodded and waved as he headed down the street towards his car, leaving just Thomas and Teresa standing there. They turned to each other. Thomas was about to call it a night himself, when she grabbed his arm and gently pulled him down the sidewalk.

"C'mon." She said, despite the fact that they were already moving. "Let's take a walk."

"A walk?" Thomas repeated. She had let go now, leaving Thomas to trail close behind her.

"Yes, Thomas, a walk." She confirmed. "Surely you've done it before?"

"We just don't go for walks, that's all."

"We used to all the time."

"Sure, before we learned how to drive."

"It won't kill you to go for a walk."

He dropped it there. He wasn't opposed to the idea, he just hadn't been expecting it. He fell into step beside her and they walked silently. Once they got into a residential area where it was even quieter, she spoke.

"What's wrong with you?" Teresa asked him. The question, while worded as an insult, was actually full of concern.

"What do you mean?" Thomas asked, despite knowing what she meant.

"I mean you're off tonight. You just seem upset about something. Or stressed, maybe."

Thomas sighed. He felt like he'd done that a lot tonight. "It's just everything with college. I mean, it would have been one thing if I'd gotten accepted at one or two, but this is three. There are a lot of decisions I have to make and I'm worried I’m either going to make the wrong one, or disappoint my parents. You know how badly they want me to have a good life like they did."

Teresa was quiet for a while. Thomas knew her well enough to know she was just thinking, so he waited. "That's the problem, isn't it?" She finally said. She had her arms crossed over her chest and stared straight ahead, her eyebrows furrowed. "Parents want their kids to have good lives, but they don't always think about what that means for their kids."

"What does that mean?" Thomas asked her. She was always talking like that, always so smart and philosophical, that sometimes even when it seemed obvious, Thomas didn't know what she was talking about.

Now it was Teresa that sighed. "Nothing, never mind."

They walked for a while longer before ending up back outside Nina's. Thomas walked her to her car which was parked further down the street and gave her a hug.

"Goodnight, Thomas." She said when she pulled away.

"Goodnight." She smiled at him as she climbed into her car and he headed back up the street to his own.

It was nearly spring, but the nights were still cool enough that a jacket was needed. The air was cold against Thomas' skin and yet when he got to his car, he really didn't want to get in. The fresh air was nice; it helped clear his head. Most of the lights were off when he got home, which told him his parents were already asleep. He went straight down to his room, careful as to not make any noise. He hung up his jacket and got changed. Just as he was about to get into bed he spotted all the admissions letters he'd left on his desk before dinner. Thomas looked at them. It felt like they looked back. Three identical letters and three different choices, and not a single one seemed like the right one. Thomas shoved the letters into the bottom of his desk drawer and turned off the light. Those were a problem for another day.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything always seems easy for everyone else. Thomas' parents are working at their dream jobs, his friends all know where they're going to college, and everyone seems ready to move on. But Thomas isn't. He can't tell his parents that he doesn't want to follow in their footsteps even though that's what they want, and his friends don't understand the conflict he's feeling. Everyone knows what they want except for him. It isn't until he meets Newt that he realizes what passion is an that he is capable of feeling it. Thomas still needs to figure out what it is he wants and he can't let the influence of his parents, friends, or Newt affect his decision.

There was more than four of them. When Thomas and all of his friends managed to organize their schedules and hang out, there was six of them. It was rare, though, as most of their schedules didn't exactly line up and when they did have nights or days off they had to spend time with family. That's why they always spent so much time at Nina's. Teresa's job was a lot more lenient. Not for her, but for her friends. While her mom was harder on her in an attempt to not show favoritism, she always let Teresa's friends stay as long as they wanted. She never told them they'd been there too long and should go hang out somewhere else, even if they weren't buying anything anymore. Probably because she'd known just about all of them since they were little. Besides Brenda, Thomas' friend group had remained the same since primary school. When they'd started high school everyone had told him they would all lose touch and he would find new friends, but that had never happened. Somehow they'd been lucky enough to stick by each other. He always thought it was easier to make friends when he was younger. There got to be a lot more pressure as kids got older and social skills worsened. For that, Thomas was grateful to still have his friends. Something told him that would change soon, but he was trying not to think about that.

However, what did change when they got to high school was their free time. They started getting jobs and the schoolwork piled up which made finding times they could all hang out tricky. More often than not it was only a few of them at a time, with everyone together being an occasion to celebrate. When all of them were in high school they'd made a pact to hang out at least once a week, but that pact hadn't held up well. After a month and a half it stopped completely and turned into whoever could go to Nina's after school would hang out for a couple hours until everyone had to go home. It worked fairly well since they all lived pretty close and could generally get a ride from Teresa's mom when it was too cold to walk. When Teresa was 14 and started working there it became even easier to hang out there, having one less schedule to work around. Still, Thomas missed when they were younger. Before they had jobs and before school was hard. Before they all had other responsibilities to stress over.

Now Thomas headed upstairs first thing in the morning to get ready for his job. He'd gotten the job after he'd graduated eight months earlier and worked Mondays to Thursdays until 4. The job was at a record store a few blocks away from Nina's and it was run by an old friend of Brenda's parents, who was also her godfather. While it sold more than records, that's what it originally consisted of when it first opened and had always been referred to as 'the record store.' Now it sold CD's - which were also dying out, but they were one of the only places in town that still sold them and therefore did pretty well- as well as sheet music and used instruments. The instruments were generally donated from people around town who had no use for them anymore and sometimes sold if the instrument actually had value. Nothing in the store was very expensive which was probably why Thomas didn't get reliable hours. His schedule was technically Monday to Thursday, 9-4, but quite often he went home for lunch and was told not to bother coming back. The store didn't make enough money to justify him working a lot of hours which was why it was only a second job. His boss, Jorge, always said the store wasn't about making money; it was more like a hobby that he got paid to do which was why the prices were so low.

Thomas' real job was at the movie theater. He'd been working there since he got his license and did two weekday nights until 11 and one weekend, generally Saturday. His parents had wanted him to get a job in order to teach him responsibility, but didn't want work to get in the way of school which they made clear was his priority. When he turned 16 they had informed him he could get a job wherever he wanted, but hadn't been too happy when he'd picked the movie theater. Still, they'd stayed quiet - for the most part - and let him work when he got hired. As neurotic as his parents could be they always respected their promises which was something Thomas always appreciated. And sometimes used to his advantage. He'd been asked if he wanted to do full-time when he graduated, but he'd turned them down. It was true that he worked two jobs for a little bit of extra money, but the truth was he was lucky. His parents were willing to pay for his tuition and residency for his first year. All he had to pay for was books and food and other, smaller expenses. The main reason he worked two jobs was because he was bored and didn't want to be stuck at home all year.

It wasn't that there was anything wrong with being at home, but he just felt like whenever he was there he was bored. At least by working he could be bored without his parents breathing down his neck about college. He knew it wasn't fair to complain about them. They were good parents, just very overbearing. Especially when it came to the subject of his future, which was the last thing he wanted to talk about lately.

And was, of course, what his mom wanted to talk about as soon as he entered the kitchen that morning. Thomas had been awake for all of ten minutes when he'd gone upstairs and had no energy to exchange pleasantries, let alone discuss college. He knew it as soon as she looked at him, though. His father had clearly left for work early, leaving him to eat breakfast with just his mom. She set her coffee down on the counter and perked up when she saw him.

"Oh, Thomas, your father and I were talking last night," His mom said. No good morning, no hello, just jumping right into it. That was typical. "We think it would be great if you worked in your father's office occasionally in the next few months. It would look so good on your resumé. You know admissions really look at things like that."

Thomas filled up a mug with coffee and listened to what she was saying. "Mom, I'm already accepted. That stuff doesn't matter anymore." He said. “Plus, I already work there sometimes.” 

"Oh, I know." She said, waving him off. "But that stuff still looks really good. When you apply for scholarships, too. They'll look for stuff like that. And this would be a real job instead of just helping out.” 

Thomas sighed. He put a bagel in the toaster. He wished he could have one morning where he could eat breakfast in peace; no college talk, no parents talking to him. He could only dream. He could also imagine how much worse this conversation would be going if his dad was there, too. His parents were like a debate team of sorts. A debate team who had done endless research, went above and beyond, and rehearsed a dozen times before the real debate. Thomas could never win when they disagreed with him, which was why he agreed with them as much and often as possible. Even if he didn't.

"It wouldn't hurt to think about, is all I'm saying." She said. "You don't have to start right away, but if you wanted to quit one of your jobs and work in the office even just twice a week. You could still keep one of your other jobs and have time to hang out with your friends."

"I like both my jobs."

"Thomas, those jobs aren't doing you any good." Her voice had an edge to it now. She was getting irritated. "You aren't learning anything at them."

"I'm learning plenty." He replied. "And besides, it's all about 'the experience' isn't it?" That was exactly what she'd said to him two years earlier when he'd been looking for a job. He knew it wasn't a good idea to say that, but he'd been unable to resist.

She sighed very loudly, which told him he had gone too far. "Thomas, please."

He paused. "Okay," He said, much softer than he'd been. "I'll think about it."

She perked up, but not quite to the same degree she'd been. "Alright, thank you." She grabbed her purse before walking up to him and kissing his cheek. "I'll see you at dinner?"

"Yup." He said.

"Have a good day!" She called out and closed the door behind her, not giving Thomas anytime to reply. That was fine; he didn't have much to say.

It wasn’t much later that Thomas took off, as well. He arrived at the record store just as Jorge was unlocking the doors. He entered through the back door and found Jorge fiddling with the lock. It was busted and had been for a while, but he’d never gotten around to fixing it. Thomas had asked him why he didn’t just call a repairman, but had gotten the usual response of, “I won’t pay for someone to fix something I can fix myself.” Thomas wasn’t so sure he could fix it, though. He’d seen him try once and it had ended badly, which was probably why he hadn’t bothered to try again. 

Thomas didn’t say anything now as he watched Jorge struggle with the lock. There was no point in saying anything when he knew exactly what the response would be. Instead he sat behind the counter on his usual stool and watched for a few more minutes. 

“Do you want me to get that?” He volunteered when he had enough of watching. 

Jorge turned around. Despite saying nothing to Thomas, not even looking at him, since he’d walked in, he didn’t look surprised to see him sitting there. He just looked pissed off. Thomas didn’t tell him there was an easy solution to his anger, but he did think it.

“Whatever.” Jorge said, standing up. Thomas took this as his cue to give it a try. “The thing is old, anyways.” 

Thomas fiddled with the lock for a few more minutes before it finally slid into place. He pulled the door open to test it and let it fall shut again. He turned to Jorge who gave him a dirty look and walked to the counter. Thomas didn’t take it personally; he knew it wasn’t. He walked back behind the counter and sat down again. 

Neither of them said anything for a while, but that was okay. Silence was what Thomas had been wanting since he woke up. Since before he’d woken up, actually. He knew it was weird to expect that from a music store, but it’s what he got. Jorge wasn’t much of a talker, which was perfectly fine. It’s why he loved this job so much. The environment was really soothing which made him want to be there, and the customers were just about always friendly. A lot of them were regulars so they knew both Thomas and Jorge by name which made it even less stressful. The work was easy, as well, so this was pretty much the perfect job for someone like Thomas. It was a nice break on days like today when his mom had gotten under his skin as soon as he’d woken up. He could come to work and not worry about anyone getting on his nerves until he got home. Usually. It was still retail, no matter how quiet, so there was the occasional customer who ticked him off. 

Thomas was the only employee Jorge had ever hired and he had only hired him because he felt like he owed Thomas. When Brenda had moved two years ago it was because her older brother had died in a bad car accident. Her parents wanted to move to a new town where they could start over and came here because that’s where Brenda’s godfather, Jorge, lived. As much as Brenda loved Jorge she didn’t want to leave. She had less than two years of high school left, she had friends, a job, a life. She thought her parents were being cowards for running away, but she obviously didn’t get a say. She’d confessed all these things to Thomas after they’d become friends, which was a couple months after she’d moved to town. She had been in the same English class as Thomas, who noticed how sad she always looked. Everyday he tried to figure out how to talk to her, but he’d never been very good at starting new friendships - hence his lifelong friends - and said nothing for months. Until finally he shoved aside his worries and approached her at lunch, inviting her to sit with him and his friends. It had taken a while to get her out of her shell, but it helped that all of his friends were so inviting. When she finally told Thomas about everything that happened she introduced him to Jorge who, since she’d moved, had become more of a parent than her actual parents. Despite the move, they had shut down and didn’t spend much time focusing on her anymore. Jorge took her under his wing, but was worried she was as closed off as her parents. When he met Thomas he privately thanked him for helping her get better. It was right after graduation when Thomas started looking for a second job that Jorge gave him the one he had now. 

The job was good and Thomas liked being here, but it did get slow. Most days that was fine with him; preferred, even. There were some days, though, where time crawled by so slow. It was a good thing he liked the job, or else it would drive him mad. Like today their first customer arrived at 9:45 and wandered around for seven minutes - yes, Thomas counted - before he consulted with Jorge that they did not have what he wanted. That had been an hour ago. A couple people came and went, but it stayed pretty quiet.  
Thomas did not have a quiet life. Not that he had a lot going on besides work and friends, but for the most part the life that he had was not quiet. His friends were loud, especially when they were all together, his parents certainly weren’t quiet, and his other job was not quiet. The town he lived in was not that big and therefore did not have a lot to do, which meant the movie theater was the primary source of entertainment for most people his age. That led to loud and busy shifts on the weekends. 

It was why he enjoyed working with Jorge so much. He was a quiet person running a quiet business, giving Thomas a few days a week of quiet. He looked forward to these shifts when his life got a little bit too loud. Right now everything was about college and that was coming from his parents and his friends, so he looked forward to work more than anything. He appreciated that no one was pressuring him to talk about things he was sick of talking about. He could spend all day in silence and no one would ask him what was wrong because the only other person around was Jorge, and Jorge appreciated the silence as much as Thomas did. 

For the rest of the morning Thomas busied himself with menial tasks. He dusted the shelves and straightened out displays and then did those things again. He helped a customer tune one of the banged up guitars they had and did his best to sell it, but failed. That wasn’t surprising; it was a really crappy guitar. By 11:30 it seemed like he’d already done everything he could. Twice. He returned to the back of the counter where Jorge announced he was going for lunch and would be back in half an hour, leaving Thomas alone.

That wasn’t a problem; he’d been at this job for nearly eight months and had been left alone plenty. It just made the store feel empty. Which was odd considering he liked this job specifically for the quiet, but always wished Jorge would come back early when he left. Maybe it was the idea of someone actually being there. Some people had a comforting presence that was good to be around even when all he wanted was quiet. Jorge had that kind of presence. 

At 11:50 the door opened for the first time in 20 minutes. Thomas glanced up from the book he was reading and smiled when he saw who it was. 

“Hey.” Thomas said, closing his book. 

“Hey.” Gally approached the counter and rested an elbow against the top. 

Gally, like most of Thomas’ friends, had been one of his friends since primary school. Unlike most of his friends, Thomas hated him when they first met. Actually, Thomas couldn’t even remember meeting him, but he knew it was when they were about 5 or 6. What he did remember was Gally being both taller and stronger than him and pushing him over when Thomas wouldn’t give him the ball that he was holding. It took another four years before Thomas began coming around, and that was only because Minho was partnered with him for some project and ended up becoming friends with him. Thomas, being the petty nine year old that he was, refused to speak to Minho when he found this out. It took some convincing, but eventually Thomas came around and spoke to Minho and agreed to spend some time with Gally. He remained stubborn at first but it didn’t actually take long for them to become friends. It was something they looked back on now and laughed about. Gally was still taller than Thomas which he liked to remind him of when Thomas got cocky.

“What’s up?” Thomas asked him now. 

“I just finished class for the day.” Gally was enrolled in classes at the college as well, but unlike Minho, planned to stay there for another year after. “Do you get lunch soon?” 

Thomas checked the time on his phone. That was another nice thing; Jorge didn’t care if he was on his phone, as long as he got his work done. “Ten minutes. Jorge should be back soon. Why?” 

“I got a text from Teresa. She wants us to meet for lunch.”

“Did she say why?” Thomas asked.

“No. She told me to pick you up on the way.” 

Normally Thomas would have jumped at that chance but he only had 30 minutes for lunch, and that didn’t feel like enough time to actually go out for a meal. He usually just went home for a quick bite before coming back as soon as he finished eating. And he usually had something already prepared beforehand so he didn’t have to waste time on meal prep. 

“I don’t know.” Thomas said. “I only have 30 minutes.” 

It was then that the door opened again and Jorge walked inside. He clearly caught part of what Thomas had said because he spared a glance and nod at Gally before inquiring.  
“30 minutes for what?” He asked, joining Thomas behind the counter. 

“Lunch.” Thomas replied. “Teresa wants us to go out for lunch, but I said I don’t know if I have time.” 

Jorge waved him off. “Take an hour. You won’t be missing anything on this end.” 

“Are you sure?” Thomas asked. 

“Yeah, I can handle it. Go have lunch with your friends.” 

“Okay, thanks.” Thomas said. Gally thanked Jorge with a smile and waited for Thomas as he got organized. They got into Gally’s truck and drove a couple blocks over. Thomas figured they probably could have walked it, but Gally was obviously on his way that way anyways. Thomas had just been a pitstop. 

Gally pulled up in front of some Italian place that they’d all been to a couple times. It was fairly new and not what they were used to having in this neighborhood, which made Thomas wonder why Teresa had chosen this place of all places. The two of them headed inside and scanned the room looking for their other friends. 

It was Gally who spotted them first and took off after them. Thomas saw Minho first, with Brenda sitting beside him. He recognized the back of Teresa’s head sitting across and Aris next to her. 

Thomas was surprised to see Aris there already. Out of all six of them, Aris was the only one still in high school. He was only a few months younger than Thomas, who was the youngest out of everyone he’d graduated with, but that put him into the next year and grade. Thomas wasn’t sure how it was anymore, but when he’d been in primary school it had been rare for kids to be friends with kids in grades below them. The only reason Aris had been apart of their group was because his mom was friends with Thomas’ mom. 

It was only 12 now, which meant Aris had to have gotten out of class a few minutes early to make it there before Thomas and Gally had. 

As they got closer to the table, Thomas realized there was one more person sitting there on the inside of the booth. The guy’s back was to them, so Thomas couldn’t get a good look at his face, but all he saw was a mass of blond hair and someone that was a lot taller than Teresa who was sitting next to whoever this person was. 

Gally obviously saw him, too, because he shot Thomas the same confused look that Thomas had shot Gally. They paused for a second before Gally shrugged and walked the rest of the way. Brenda saw them first and waved ecstatically. Sometimes Thomas thought of the energy she had now compared to what she was like when he met her and couldn’t believe it was the same person. 

“Hey!” She said, when they were standing next to the table. Everyone looked at them now, including the boy who was sitting next to Teresa. It was almost impossible to tell this guy was a stranger based on the easy smile he sent them, and how comfortable he appeared to be amongst all of Thomas’ friends. 

“Hey, you found Thomas.” Minho said. 

“He’s not that hard to track down.” Gally replied, lightheartedly. 

“Thanks for coming, guys.” Teresa said. “Sorry it was so last minute. I know you probably don’t have long, Thomas.” 

“Jorge gave me an hour. I have time.” 

“Good, because I wanted to introduce you to my cousin.” She turned as best as she could in the cramped booth to the guy sitting next to her. 

Oh, the cousin. She had mentioned him the day before, but Thomas hadn’t expected to be meeting him right away. He really looked at him now instead of just a quick glance.

Thomas had already noticed he was tall, but he really towered over Teresa. Granted, she was fairly short so being taller than her wasn’t hard to be. His hair hung just above his eyes, but was pushed to the side so it was out of the way. And, as Thomas had already noticed, he was smiling. Probably just a polite smile, but it came so easily that it actually looked like he was happy to be there. Thomas loved his friends a lot, but there were not many people who were comfortable to be surrounded by a bunch of people they’d never met before. 

The guy was looking at Thomas now, which made him realize Teresa was conducting introductions. 

“Thomas, this is my cousin, Newt.” She turned to her cousin, Newt. “Newt, this is my oldest friend; Thomas.” 

Newt did his best to stand up, pushing himself up and over the table, and outstretched his arm. He had really long arms. Thomas wondered if that was any indication as to how long his legs were. The guy was stick-thin, too; very lanky. Thomas shook his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Newt said. 

Thomas dropped his hand abruptly. He wasn’t trying to appear rude, he had just been taken by surprise by Newt’s voice. He was British; Teresa hadn’t said anything about her cousin being British. 

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you, too.” Thomas made himself smile to show him that he wasn’t rude. Teresa then introduced her cousin to Gally who did not lose his composure when Newt spoke to him. 

“Well, I’m going to pull up a chair because this booth clearly does not have room for two more.” Gally said. 

Thomas moved to do the same, but Minho and Brenda slid over leaving just enough room for him to sit next to them. It was cramped, but they were used to that. They’d been cramming all six of them into tables and booths for years. Sure, one extra person was strange, but they could make do. 

“Have you guys ordered yet?” Gally asked.

“No, all he got was drinks.” Aris said, gesturing to the glass in his hand. We didn’t get here much before you.” 

There were two extra menus sitting in the center of the table which Gally and Thomas both reached for. A waitress came by to bring the two new additions drinks and said she would be back in a minute to take their order. Thomas now understood why Teresa had gone with a slightly more upscale place than the usual. She wanted her cousin to think they had some class, despite the fact that they were all a bunch of high school graduates - mostly - who were going to college soon and hardly had the extra money for a nice restaurant. Thomas didn’t say anything, though. Teresa had said earlier that her cousin came from a wealthier family and Thomas knew how she was about that kind of thing. 

“So, Newt,” Brenda said, closing her menu. “Teresa never told us she had British family.” 

 

It was true. Thomas knew that Teresa had some family somewhere in a different continent, but he never knew where. He’d assumed Europe, but he’d never actually known for sure. Until now. 

“Well, we’re not that close.” Newt said. “We met once when we were - what? Seven?” He turned to Teresa for confirmation. 

“I was six, you were seven.” She didn’t look at him as she answered. 

Newt nodded. “Yeah, so we haven’t exactly been in touch. She didn’t even know I would be moving here until yesterday.” 

Brenda smiled politely. “So we heard.” 

The waitress came by again and the conversation paused so she could take everybody’s orders. When she left a few minutes later, questions continued. 

“So you’re living here, then?” Minho asked. “Not just a visit?” 

“Yup. It was kind of sudden, but it’s what I want.” 

“Why here, though?” 

“I wanted a change. My parents thought it would be best that I come here since I have family, so I applied to a few different colleges and packed up my bags as soon as I got my first acceptance letter.” 

“Wow, that’s spontaneous.” Gally said. “I don’t think my parents would ever let me up and move to a whole other country.” 

“Well, I haven’t lived with them since I graduated high school and that was just about two years ago.” 

Questions continued to fly at Newt, and he answered each one with the same positive energy, no matter how repetitive they got. Again, Thomas loved his friends, but they met one person from somewhere far away and it was like he was the most interesting person they’d ever met. Thomas felt kind of bad for Newt. He probably just wanted to eat his lunch and see the city, but instead he had to have a long Q&A with a bunch of strangers. Thomas ended up tuning out a lot of the conversation. He heard bits and pieces, but he actually wanted to go back to work for the silence. 

When lunch was wrapping up Thomas mentally checked into the discussion again. He figured he could stand to listen to the chatter for a few more minutes and maybe be polite by engaging. Something he hadn’t done at all since he’d arrived.

“Actually, we’re third cousins.” Newt was saying. Thomas missed whatever it was that prompted him to say this. “Hardly related, but enough to put my parents’ minds at ease about my being here.” 

“I thought it was second cousins.” Teresa said.

“Nope. You’re my mum’s cousin’s kid.” Newt trailed his finger through the air as if connecting some kind of mental family tree to explain. 

Teresa nodded, but Thomas could tell she was trying to figure out what he just said. Thomas was doing the same thing. By this point fewer questions were being thrown out, but Thomas was sure the entire meal had revolved around prying into every detail of Newt’s life. Thomas knew the only reason his friends cared so much was because he was from another country and had a nice accent. They probably just wanted to hear him talk. 

“Nice shirt.” Thomas knew it was Newt who had said this, based on the accent, but it took him a moment to realize Newt had been talking to him. Even still he looked around the table to confirm this, despite the fact that Newt was looking directly at him. 

“Oh,” Thomas said when he finally figured it out. “Thanks.” He looked down to see what shirt he was wearing. 

A lot of the shirts Thomas owned were band shirts. Occasionally the record store sold band tees, but only when the second hand store got some in. They always passed them onto Jorge who they figured could use them more. Jorge always let Thomas sift through them first to see if he could find anything he liked before washing and selling the rest. 

The one he was wearing right now was _Alice in Chains_. He didn’t know much about the band when he found the shirt, but he recognized the name because he knew his dad was a fan. He had claimed the shirt if only to impress him but found he actually enjoyed the music. It, like most of his decisions when it came down to getting dressed, had been something he had just thrown on when he was getting ready that morning; it was clean and nearby. Now, though, he was very aware of the decision he had made and wondered if it had been the right one. 

“You a fan?” Newt asked him. 

“My dad is.” He paused. “But I like the music, too.” 

Newt smiled at him before turning his attention back to the conversation the rest of the table was having. 

“Alright, well,” Teresa said. “This was nice, but I still have to finish showing Newt around so we better get going.” She nudged Aris out of the booth so her and Newt could get up.

“Yeah, I have to get back to work.” Thomas said, standing up as well. 

“I’ll give you a ride back.” Gally said. 

“Thanks for coming, guys.” Teresa was already walking away despite the fact that Newt was not following her. Newt watched her walk up to the hostess stand to pay and then turned back to the rest of the group. 

“It was nice meeting you all.” He said. “I’ll see you around.” 

Everyone said goodbye and watched as he caught up to Teresa. She didn’t spare him a glance. 

“I get the feeling she isn’t too thrilled that she has to show him around.” Brenda said. She was standing next to Thomas now, which he hadn’t noticed until she spoke. 

“I don’t think she’s too thrilled that he’s here, in general.” Thomas said.

“He seems nice enough.” Brenda said. “Maybe she’ll come around.”

Thomas didn’t respond to that. Instead he and Gally said goodbye to everyone that remained and made their way outside. Teresa and Newt were clearly long gone, off to who knows where, so they climbed into Gally’s truck and took off. 

“You sure weren’t chatty today.” Gally said when he pulled away from the curb. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Come on, Thomas. The only time you ever spoke was when you were spoken to. I mean, I know you aren’t exactly one for meeting new people, but you could have participated a little more.” Thomas didn’t take offense because Gally’s tone was lighthearted; he knew he didn’t really care. 

“I don’t know, I guess I didn’t feel like there was much to say.” Thomas said. “Plus it was hard to get a word in when all of you were talking over each other and asking the poor guy endless personal questions.” 

“The guy is some wealthy distant relative of Teresa who, for all we knew, has a total of two family members and spontaneously moved all the way to America from England. This is the most interesting thing to happen to our friend group in months, and you’re telling me you're not the least bit curious?” 

Thomas shrugged. “I guess I’m a little curious.” And he was, he just wasn’t curious enough to ask. “But he probably just wanted to have a nice lunch with his cousin, but instead had to sit through endless annoying, prying, personal questions.”

“Third cousin.” Gally corrected. “And she doesn’t seem too keen on him being around, so I’m sure it wasn’t a big loss for either of them.” 

“I guess not.” 

There was a brief pause before Gally switched the subject. 

“I hear you got into NYU.” He said. Thomas immediately felt himself go tense. “That’s big news, congratulations.” 

“Yeah.” Thomas said. There was a bit too long of a pause before he said, “Thanks.” He felt Gally look over at him, but he didn’t look back. 

“Is something wrong?” Gally asked. 

“Just pressure from my parents, is all.” He knew that would be enough to make Gally drop it. Out of all of Thomas’ friends, Gally understood the pressure from parents better than anybody. It was why they were so disappointed Gally didn’t have immediate plans to move away to some nice, out-of-state university.

Thomas was grateful he didn’t say anything else. Not that there was much time to do so, as it was only a few seconds later that he pulled up across the street from Thomas’ work. He made no move to get out, though. 

“You okay?” Gally asked him. It was the same question he’d asked him seconds earlier, and the same question Thomas’ friends had been asking him for a while now. And the truth was that he wasn’t sure if he was okay, but he also wasn’t sure why. Because he didn’t know that, he always answered with the same lie. 

“Yeah,” He said. “I’m okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apparently trans!aris is now a very popular thing and it is a concept i support very much, so now aris is trans in this fic and you can't change my mind


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so, i still have several chapters pre-written so updates will still be regular for a few more weeks. but i am moving away to start my first year of uni on sunday and my classes start on thursday, so i don't know how much time i'll have to write. i'm hoping i'll still be able to write occasionally, but i won't make any promises. but for the next month or so i'll have a new one up every week :)

After the impromptu lunch with everybody Thomas went a few days without seeing any of his friends. At one point in their lives that was very rare, but not so much anymore. That had been the one nice thing about school; they saw each other nearly every day, even if it was just for five minutes in between classes. Now, ever since most of them had graduated, when they got busy with work it wasn’t so easy to make time. Thomas had plans to hang out with Minho just one and one the night before, but Minho had to cancel after getting called into work, which also wasn’t rare. 

Thomas had been working a lot, himself, and hadn’t had a full day off in nearly two weeks. Sometimes he missed that, but with the way his parents had been all over him about college, he really didn’t mind. Every day there seemed to be a new pamphlet or article printed out and placed either at his place at the table or on the kitchen counter. Everytime he found them he sighed loudly hoping maybe his parents would get the hint. They didn’t. Thomas knew they were getting confused as to why he hadn’t made a decision yet; to them it was a no brainer. It wasn’t for Thomas, though. College may have been nothing but easy choices for them, but it was something he was having a hard time with. Something his parents couldn’t understand. To Thomas four days wasn’t enough time to make a choice that big, but to his parents it was something he should have decided the day he got that acceptance letter to NYU. 

Thanks to his busy work schedule, Thomas was rarely at home at the same time as his parents, and therefore they hadn’t yet had time to have a discussion face to face. Thomas planned to keep it that way for as long as he could, but he knew he would have to face it eventually. 

Now, though, it was the third day Thomas had gone without seeing his friends and he was starting to miss them. As if sensing this, around noon he got a text from Teresa telling him to go to Nina’s. He told her he would be there in five minutes and then left the house. 

Teresa wasn’t at Nina’s when Thomas got there, so he chose a booth and waited for her. He was only there for five minutes before the bell above the door chimed, indicating someone was there. He looked up and sure enough Teresa was walking in. The first thing Thomas noticed was that she did not look happy. The second thing he noticed told him why she looked so unhappy. 

Walking right behind her was her cousin, Newt. He was either oblivious to her foul mood or was simply choosing to ignore it, because he had a slight smile on his face. Maybe that’s just how he was because now that Thomas thought about it, he’d been smiling every time Thomas had looked at him at lunch the other day. Thomas didn’t understand it, but some people were just naturally happy and polite. Thomas could be both of those things, but it didn’t mean he felt like smiling all the time. 

Teresa spotted Thomas instantly and headed his way. Newt fell behind a little, having stopped to take in the cafe, but caught up quite easily; it’s not like Nina’s was a place one could get lost in. Teresa slid into the booth next to Thomas and Newt lingered near the other side, still standing. 

“Hey,” Thomas said. He had to admit he was fairly confused, both by the situation and their close proximity. “What’s going on?” 

“I wasn’t supposed to work today,” Teresa sighed. “So I was still showing Newt around, but then mom called and said she needed me to fill in for Mary, who went home sick. I felt bad for just bailing on him, though, and I’m only going to be here for an hour before mom can get down here.” 

“And this involves me how?” Thomas asked. He glanced up at Newt who was staring at a piece of art on the adjacent wall. He was either pretending to be fascinated by it in order to show he was not listening to their conversation, or he was actually very invested in the painting. 

“I just don’t want him to be bored.” Teresa said. It wasn’t exactly an answer to Thomas’ question, but it was enough for him to figure out what she wanted. 

“What? Teresa, no.” He said. “I’m not going to babysit for you.” He kept his voice hushed as to not offend Newt, but it’s not like he was standing very far away. 

“It’s not babysitting.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s older than you. It’s simply keeping him here and keeping him entertained until my mom gets here and I can continue showing him around.”

He gave her a look which made her groan. “Thomas, please? It’s only an hour.” 

“Fine.” He said. It’s not like he had anything better to do. 

“Thanks, Thomas.” She stood up now and walked over to Newt. “Okay, I’m only going to be here for an hour. You can hang out with Thomas until I’m done.” 

“Sure.” Newt said. He finally moved and took a seat across from Thomas. He looked at him and smiled. Well, he’d already been smiling, but now he was specifically smiling at Thomas. 

“Newt, what do you drink? Thomas, did you order already?” Teresa asked.

“No.” Thomas said. 

“Nothing for me.” Newt said.

Teresa raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?” He nodded and she shrugged, walking away. Newt watched her leave and then turned to Thomas. Thomas was suddenly very aware that he was alone with this stranger whom he’d been accidentally rude to the first time they’d met and had clearly rejected Teresa’s request to hang out with him just now. Thomas hoped he hadn’t overheard that, but recognized that he probably had.

Maybe he should say something now to make it marginally less awkward. He realized Newt was looking at him, maybe waiting for him to strike up a conversation, but Thomas was suddenly at a loss for words. He’d never been very good at small talk. Or ‘talk’ in general. 

“She didn’t ask you what you wanted.” Newt finally said. 

“Huh?” Okay, not the best start, but better than nothing. 

“She asked you if you ordered,” Newt gestured to where Teresa was now standing behind the counter. “But not what you wanted.” 

“Oh,” Thomas said. He needed to find more than just awkward fillers. “She already knows. She’s been taking my order for years.”

“What if you want to try something new?” 

Thomas couldn’t remember the last time he’d ordered something different from Nina’s. He couldn’t see why he ever would. 

“I won’t,” He said. “I tried everything on the menu when I was 14 and started drinking coffee. I figured out what I like and now it’s what I have when I’m here.” 

“And you only like one thing on the entire menu?” Thomas wasn’t sure he liked this guy, but he just met him so he wasn’t going to make that call yet. 

“No, but it’s my favorite. It reminds me of when we were all kids and would come here after school to work on homework.”

“Oh, it’s a nostalgic drink.” 

Thomas looked at him for a moment before nodding slowly. “I guess you could say that.” Newt smiled at him, but it was a different smile than before. The first smile that had been directed at Thomas had been out of politeness; this one had a hint of humor behind it. Which is what made Thomas realize he was only messing around and the realization was enough to make Thomas smile back. 

A waitress who was not Teresa came by a second later and set a mug in front of Thomas. She smiled politely at Newt and more personally at Thomas. 

“Hey, Thomas.” She said. “Haven’t seen you in a while.” 

“I’ve been around.” He said, accepting the drink. “Thanks, Rachel.” 

“Another friend?” Newt asked when she walked away. 

“Kind of,” Thomas said. “Like I said, I’ve been coming here for years. It’s hard not to know all the employees. Especially when one of my best friends works here and has her mother as her boss.” 

Now Newt looked confused. “Teresa? Her mom is the boss?” He asked.

“You didn’t know that?” 

Newt shook his head. “No, she never mentioned it. I never even knew she worked here until we got here five minutes ago.” 

“What have you guys been talking about for the past week? Haven’t you guys been together, like, the whole time?” Thomas asked.  
“Not really. She was supposed to take me to a couple places around town today, and we hung out that whole day that I met all of you, but that’s about it.”

“Still, though,” Thomas said. “You’d think it would come up.”

“You would think.” Newt agreed. “But she isn’t that chatty.”

Thomas knew that was not true, but he wasn’t going to say anything. He felt bad that Newt had come all this way to see family and now his family wasn’t even being welcoming. Actually, now that he thought of it, he wasn’t sure he knew why Newt had moved here. Had Teresa said? He considered asking, but Newt spoke first.

“So what is it?” He asked.

“What is what?” 

“The drink. The drink that you’ve been getting for years. It must be good if it’s all you ever order.” 

“It’s a white chocolate mocha.” Thomas told him. 

Newt nodded as if that was the most interesting thing that he’d heard all day. But maybe it was, considering he’d been spending all day with Teresa - someone who wanted nothing to do with him. 

They fell into a silence that, while not exactly awkward, was not really comfortable, either. Thomas wondered why Newt couldn't have just gone home. He knew it was only an hour, but an hour with a stranger could feel like an eternity. He wondered if Newt was feeling the same unease that he was. His instinct was to say yes, as most people weren't keen on spending time alone with a person they didn't even know, but Newt didn't seem like an awkward person. Thomas didn't know anything about him, but he had some kind of vibe that said he didn't really mind meeting new people. 

Right now, for example, he was looking around the room with a lopsided grin on his face. He seemed to be observing everyone and everything. Thomas people-watched, too, but it was usually out of boredom. Newt actually looked intrigued by what was going on around him; like he cared about all these strangers' lives. 

It was also at that moment that Thomas realized Newt was not the only one staring. He had been watching Newt absentmindedly for a while now, observing him, wondering what he was thinking about. After realizing this, he looked down at his coffee. That had to be more interesting than this person he didn't even know. When Thomas looked up, he saw that it was him Newt was now looking at. 

"What?" Thomas asked. It came out a little harsher than he meant it to, but Newt seemed unaffected. He simply tilted his head and shrugged.

"Nothing," He said. "You were just staring very hard at your coffee. Like you were expecting it do something." 

Thomas blinked. He didn't know how to respond to that. Actually, he was starting to feel a little agitated. There was something about Newt that made him feel exposed; like he knew his secrets by only looking at him. He sank down into the booth a smidge and lifted his coffee to his mouth, returning his attention to the steaming mug. It's not like Thomas had a lot of secrets, but no one liked to feel like some random person knew them with just a look. 

"I don't want to pry, but," Newt started. Thomas already hated the statement or question or whatever the end of that sentence was going to be. "Teresa really hasn't said much, so I don't know much. Are you all out of school?" He asked. Thomas had been expecting something worse and he wasn't sure why. He sat up again and took a sip of his drink before putting it down entirely. 

"Most of us." He said. "Most of us graduated last year and either took a year off or attend the college in town. Aris is the only one still in high school and he graduates this year." 

Newt nodded. He looked at the couple that took a seat at the table next to them and watched them intently. His hands were folded on the table and he sat up straight. His expression shifted, Thomas noticed, and he now appeared to be sad. Thomas couldn't understand why and wasn't going to begin to guess, but it did make him feel bad for acting so cold. He didn't even know Newt and it couldn't be easy to come to some new place and have his family treat him so poorly.

Then again, if what Teresa said was true, he came from a rich family who was paying for his apartment so it definitely wasn't hard for him, either. 

Still, Thomas decided he could be nicer. 

"So," He began. "Teresa really hasn't told you anything, huh?" 

Newt kept his gaze fixed on the couple for another moment before focusing on Thomas. His expression remained sad. Thomas wondered if he even realized. 

"No, nothing." He said. "She shows me around and tells me where we are, but that's about it. I don't know that she likes me very much." 

"I'm sure that's not true." Thomas said. But he also knew that it wasn't not true. He wasn't going to say that, though. "She just doesn't know you. She doesn't like meeting new people very much." Except that wasn't true, either. 

"I'm sure she has better things to do with her time than show me around."

Also not true, but Thomas only shrugged. “She didn’t tell us much about you, either, so you’re about as unfamiliar to me as I am to you.”

“I know that your name is Thomas,” Newt said. “And you are not in high school, you have a job - although I don’t know where - and that you only like one thing on the very long menu at this quaint cafe.” 

Thomas rolled his eyes, but it wasn’t annoyance he was feeling anymore. “I like more than one thing, I just prefer this one thing to everything else.” He paused. “I think you know more about me than I do about you. I know your name and I’m going to say you’re from England, but that could just be an assumption.” 

“That assumption would be correct. I moved about a week ago.” 

“So you actually moved here? Not just visiting?” Thomas asked. 

“Also correct.” Newt said. 

“That’s a big change. Why?” 

“I changed my major in uni and decided to change the country I was living in, as well.” 

“Wow. So did you transfer mid-semester?”

Newt didn’t answer. Instead he watched Thomas so carefully that it almost made him blush. He wasn’t used to people paying such close attention to him. For a second Thomas was afraid he’d crossed a line with his questions. The ever-present smile faltered which was almost enough to make Thomas concerned. It reappeared, though, just as soon as it left.

“You know,” Newt finally said. “I seem to remember answering all these questions the other day when we were out for lunch.” 

Now Thomas felt guilty. Of course he should know all this stuff already. He’d been at that lunch and his friends had been non-stop with their prying questions. Of course he really hadn’t thought he’d need to know all the answers to all those questions, but now he was beginning to regret not listening. Another way he was coming off as cold and standoffish. He couldn’t imagine Newt thought too highly of him. 

“Sorry,” He said. “I had a lot going on that day and had a hard time paying attention.” 

“It’s fine,” Newt said, waving him off. “We’ve all got our days.” He said it so casually. He said everything casually. As if nothing was a big deal and there was never a need to worry. Thomas wished he could have that kind of mindset. He also wished he didn’t still feel so guilty when Newt was clearly not concerned. He did, though. Guilt was not something that easily evaded him. 

Thomas was about to say something else, maybe apologize again, but the bell above the door chimed and a loud voice instantly filled the room. Thomas didn’t have to turn to see who it was; he recognized the voice. Newt turned, though. The voice got closer and closer to the table Thomas and Newt were sitting at until it was right beside them, greeting customers that came here as often as Thomas and his friends.

The voice was attached to a woman Thomas had known as long as he had known Teresa. Her mother, always loud and very present, was possibly the most intimidating woman he had ever met. She was vocal, unapologetically herself, and one of the kindest people Thomas had ever met. It had not taken him long when he was young to realize there was nothing to be afraid of. She was also very small, which took everyone who was meeting her for the first time aback by the booming voice that came out of her. She could draw attention, that was for sure. And Thomas loved her like his own mother. 

There were times when Thomas felt his own mom was being unreasonable that he turned to Teresa’s mom instead. She would always sit him down, give him a glass of coke or hot chocolate or whatever she felt the moment called for and listen to whatever it was that his own mother would not.

When it came to a place like Nina’s, people generally expected it to be quiet. A small cafe tucked away into a cute building downtown, people expected to go there and have a quiet conversation with their friends. That was the case when Natalie wasn’t there. If she was there, everybody knew. 

The only times Thomas ever saw Natalie grow quiet was when the subject of money or her ex-husband was brought up and generally those two things were linked. Thomas had made it a rule a long time ago to never bring those topics up around her. 

Now she stopped at Thomas and Newt’s booth and leaned against the side Thomas was sitting at. She looked down at Thomas with a tired, but genuine smile. 

“Hi, Thomas, how’re you doing?” She asked in such a way that made him know she cared. She always asked him like that. 

“Doing well, thanks. How are you?” 

“I’d be a lot better if people actually showed up to work.” Her sentence trailed off as though she planned to say more, but then her gaze fell to Newt. “Who’s this?” She asked.

Thomas looked at her. He blinked. Was she serious? He looked at Newt and realized she was. There was no familiarity on either of their faces. Not a single spark of familial recognition; not even a look of, ‘oh hey I know you.’ There was nothing. 

“You…” Thomas started, but he didn’t really know where to go from here. He knew Teresa hadn’t been thrilled about Newt, but even her own mother hadn’t met him? Hadn’t she been the one to tell Teresa she had to show him around? “You haven’t met?” Thomas finally managed. 

“Should we have?” Newt asked, still eyeing Natalie. 

“This is Teresa’s mom.” Thomas told him. There was a moment of nothing before a grin spread across Newt’s lips and he hopped out of his seat.

“Oh, of course!” He said, sticking his hand out towards her. “I’m Newt.” 

Her eyes finally lit up in recognition. “Of course you are! My god, I haven’t seen you since you were little.” She shook his hand with a lot more gusto than he was expecting, pumping his arm a little too hard. That was clear by the wince he attempted to cover. Thomas saw it, though. That was a common reaction from people who were meeting Natalie for the first time. 

Thomas hated to interject their meeting, but he was so astounded as to how they still hadn’t met that he couldn’t help it. 

“You guys haven’t met yet?” He asked. Both of them looked back to Thomas. Newt remained standing. 

“Well, sure, when he came up to my waist, but not since he’s been in town.” Natalie said. “I’ve been so busy here and every time he came around I was out. Not on purpose, of course.” She laughed a big, loud laugh, that made Newt take a step back. That almost made Thomas laugh. It was always amusing watching people meet her for the first time. 

“It’s nice to meet you now, though.” Newt said. Always polite, Thomas was noticing. 

“And you.” She said. “I have to go find Teresa and send her home, but one of these days why don’t the three of us grab dinner. We can catch up.” 

“That would be nice.” Newt said. 

Natalie turned to Thomas and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll see you around, kid.” And with that, she left, leaving Thomas with his coffee which was now getting cold and Newt staring after her like he’d never met a person like her before. It was possible that he hadn’t; there weren’t many people quite like Natalie. 

Thomas didn’t realize he was smiling until Newt sat back down. He looked at Thomas with a mildly agog expression that he was trying - and failing - to hide. 

“I know I was only seven when I met her,” He said. “But I do not remember her being so bold.” 

“She never used to be.” Thomas said. “Not when I met her, anyways. It wasn’t until she became the owner that she started becoming more bold and outspoken.” 

“Well, she seems nice.” Newt said. 

Thomas nodded and then spotted Teresa approaching the table. She looked annoyed and worn out; as she usually did after her shifts, no matter how short. She stood at the exact spot her mother had moments earlier and looked at Thomas. Not Newt, just Thomas. 

“Thanks, Thomas.” She said. “My shift is done now, so you can go back to doing whatever it was you were doing.” 

Thomas didn’t tell her he’d been doing nothing. “Thanks.” He stood up, mug in hand, and stopped to say goodbye. Newt was also standing up, clearly sensing they would not be staying here. They all made their way to the door, Thomas setting his mug on the drop-off counter, and stopped once they exited. They were about to go their separate ways when Teresa stopped. 

“Oh,” She said. “Did you hear about that party Jeff is having tonight?” 

“I heard something about it, yeah.” Thomas said. “Why? Are you going?” 

“Brenda wants me to. She has to drive Minho and Gally home and wants me to keep her company. I told her I would go.” She was about to say something else, but a look came over her face and whatever it was that she’d thought of made her stop and turn to Newt. “Do you want to go?” Thomas wondered if Newt could hear how begrudging that invite was. Probably, but he was nice enough to not point it out. 

Newt glanced past Teresa at Thomas. “Are you going?” He asked. 

“Probably not,” He said. “I work.” 

“Until when?” 

“11:00.” 

“The party will still be going then.” That was Teresa. “You should come by.” There was a pleading look in her eye directed only to Thomas. He knew what the look meant.

“I’ll try to stop by, but I’m not making any promises.” He said. 

“Alright.” She said. “I’ll see you later.” 

“Yeah, see you.” He glanced up at Newt who was already looking at him. He was smiling like they were in on a secret. Thomas wondered how one person could say so many different things with just a smile.

“Bye.” Newt said. 

Thomas didn’t say bye back. They were already walking away leaving Thomas standing by himself on the sidewalk. Part of Thomas understood why Teresa didn’t like her cousin so much, but another part of him wondered how she couldn’t. There was something charming about him that Thomas was thrown off by, even after meeting him only twice. He wasn’t sure he liked it, but he also wasn’t sure that he didn’t.


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a very busy week and i almost forgot about this. anyways im gonna go out to a bar now

Thomas' parents didn't like that he worked at the movie theater. In truth, they didn't like that he worked at Jorge's, either, but they tried to only complain about one job at a time. Tried; generally did not succeed. 

The reason they didn't like the movie theater, though, was that it had no purpose. He wasn't learning anything, nor was he furthuring his life experiences. He could learn so much more at another job besides that one. What was he achieving by serving cranky people popcorn and pretending they weren't sneaking in their own snacks? 

No matter how much they hated it and complained about it, they never made Thomas quit. They highly recommended it and left job applications at businesses they felt he was more suited for, but they never made him quit. And in truth, Thomas was grateful for that. The job may not be the best and it certainly wasn't the job that would help him in his future, but it was normal. 

Not that anything about Thomas' life wasn't normal, but sometimes it felt like when it came to school and work, his parents were a little stricter than most. Most parents wouldn't care if their kid got a job at a movie theater or a grocery store; they were just happy that they were getting a job. When Thomas became old enough to get a job, his parents insisted he shoot for an office job as an assistant or secretary or something. Jobs like those didn't generally go to kids his age, but his parents - his father, especially - had connections and were willing to use them. Thomas just wanted a normal job, though. 

When he came home with a job application for the movie theater his parents had sent each other very obvious looks, but said nothing. They had told Thomas he could get a job where he wanted and they knew they couldn't just go back on their word now. That didn't stop them from dropping hints and making comments, but Thomas always ignored them or played stupid. 

And the job wasn't that bad. It gave him something to do in the evenings when all of his friends were busy and he got as much free popcorn as he wanted. That was a pretty sweet deal. He only worked a couple days a week, too. He also didn't mind most of his coworkers. There were a couple that were about his age, but he only knew one of them kind of well. Everyone else was a few years older than him; mostly people who had been there since high school and had never gone anywhere after. Thomas knew that was probably why his parents didn't want him getting a job there since it was generally a place no one ever quit, but Thomas knew he wasn't like them. He had ambition. Also parents who would never let him get away with not going to college. 

Now, Thomas put on his red vest as he entered through the side door made for employees. It was 6 when he got there and on weekdays their doors didn't open until 6:30, leaving only him, a girl who had been there for seven years and pretty much kept to herself, and Harriet who Thomas knew through Aris. She'd moved here when he'd been a sophmore and she a freshman. Aris was the first one to befriend her as they were in the same grade. Every once in a while she would join their group at lunch, but for the most part she sat with another group of girls. Sometimes Aris sat with them instead. 

Thomas didn't know Harriet that well, but she was friendly and really funny, so he'd never had a complaint. No one had ever complained when she sat with them at lunch. Thomas liked working with her because she made slow evenings go by quicker. 

When Thomas walked in she was cleaning the glass displays at the snack bar. The other girl - Jenn - was nowhere in sight. He approached the counter where Harriet was crouched in front of.

"Hey." He said. 

She looked up and smiled, standing up when she saw who it was. "Hey." 

Thomas looked around. "Is Jenn here?" 

"She's upstairs." Harriet said. 

Upstairs was where all the technological stuff happened. Only the people who had been working there for a long time were allowed to run that area, leaving students and recent graduates to run concession. Thomas didn't mind. 

Harriet went back to cleaning and Thomas joined her. There wasn't much else to do before the doors opened. It did, however, go by fairly quickly. The two of them talked in order to pass the time, as they always did. Harriet filled Thomas in on all the drama and gossip that had been happening at the high school and informed him how horrible the new Biology teacher was. Thomas enjoyed moments like these. He got a little bit from Aris, but there was something about the way Harriet told the stories that felt more engaging. 

At 6:30 Harriet unlocked the doors and ran the ticket booth while Thomas handled concession. When things settled down Harriet rejoined Thomas. 

"Are you going to Jeff's party?" She asked. 

Thomas thought of Teresa asking him earlier that day. His first reaction had been to say no, just as it was now, but then he thought of Newt. He'd never actually heard Newt say whether he was going or not. When Teresa had asked him he'd asked Thomas first. Would he go if he knew Thomas was going? Did Thomas even want to go? He didn't think so. Usually when he got off work at 11 all he wanted to do was go home and go to sleep. He didn't have the energy for a party. 

"I don't think so." He finally responded. "Are you?"

She shrugged. "Not likely. I'm supposed to be here at noon tomorrow." She continued the conversation they'd been having before they'd opened the doors, but now Thomas was only half listening. He found he'd been doing that a lot lately, but there was a lot that had been on his mind. 

Tonight, though, he could only think of the party. It felt like a very insignificant thing to dwell on, but he couldn't stop. He knew Teresa was going to the party, so were Brenda and Minho, but if he was going to go he wouldn't be drinking. Sometimes it was more fun to be the sober one watching all the drunk idiots stumble around, but he wasn't sure he was up for that tonight. He knew Brenda wouldn't be drinking, either, she never did. He just didn't know that he was in a partying mood. Still, though, he hadn't seen much of his friends recently. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to go for just a few minutes. 

By the time his shift ended four hours later he still hadn't decided. He said good night to Harriet who had decided to go home, and got into his car. He drummed his fingers against his steering wheel as if that would help make his decision. If he was going to go it wouldn't be for long, so maybe there wasn't a point. 

As he drove off, though, he didn't head home. Instead he drove to the neighborhood where the party was. He still didn't know if he was going to go in, but he drove past the house to see if he could find his friend's vehicles parked outside. There were too many and it was too dark so he circled the block once, and then parked a block over. He only had to stay for half an hour. He didn't even have to stay that long if he didn't want to. 

Thomas stayed in his car for a moment longer before he walked the short distance to the party. As he got closer he could hear the music and the voices coming from inside. The front door was open and he could see crowds of people inside. A couple people lingered on the steps outside. Thomas passed by them and stepped in. 

It didn't look like many people were actually here now that he was inside. The music and volume of the few people talking made it seem busier than it actually was. Thomas was regretting coming. He didn't want to get stuck here. He scanned the thinning crowd, looking for one of his friends. He figured for how few people were here it wouldn't be hard to spot them if they were here. 

Thomas recognized a few people amidst the crowd; if he could even call it that. Some people he graduated with and a few that were a grade below him. None of them were people he wanted to actually stop and talk to, though, so he kept walking. Until he covered the entire house and backyard and found none of his friends. 

He ended up back near the front door not even 15 minutes later. Someone had handed him a drink - he didn't know who - that he'd set down once the person was out of sight. Not that it would have mattered, but it felt polite to wait. Now he was empty handed and wondering why he'd even bothered coming. He was about to leave when someone started calling his name. 

"Thomas." The voice came from behind him; one he didn't recognize. He turned, expecting to see some person he vaguely recognized from high school but didn't know the name of, only to find Newt walking up to him. The shock of this sent him into a temporary silence. He was sure he'd looked all over the house. He hadn't been expecting to find Newt when he hadn't even found his friends. 

"Hi," Thomas said still taken aback. "What are you doing here?" 

Newt now stood directly in front of Thomas and based on his flushed cheeks and mussed hair, he was pretty sure Newt was drunk. 

"I came with Teresa." He said. His voice was pretty steady, so Thomas considered he could be wrong. "But then she left."

"Did she tell you she was leaving?" Thomas asked. That would not be something Teresa would normally do, but when it came to Newt, Thomas wasn't going to rule out. 

"Yeah. She told me to get a ride with Brenda, but..." He trailed off. 

"But she didn't tell Brenda to wait for you." Thomas finished for him. Newt nodded. 

"I'm assuming that is the case." 

"How long ago did they leave?" 

"Teresa left half an hour ago. I don't know when Brenda left. I saw your other friend - what's his name? Gally? - about 20 minutes ago, but I haven't seen him since. I've been wandering around looking for him, but I'm pretty sure they're all gone." 

Thomas didn't say anything. Maybe coming hadn't been a mistake. He knew Newt didn't have a car and, now that he stood a little closer - which he didn't realize he was until now - he could tell that Newt was drunk. Apparently he was just really good at hiding it. Thomas considered it could have been an accident that Teresa hadn't told Brenda to wait, but he knew that wasn't true. Teresa had a really good memory and based on how she felt about Newt, it was safe to say this had been on purpose. It made Thomas a little annoyed, because what would Newt have done if he hadn't shown up? He could have called a cab, but cabs sucked. 

Newt was staring in some far off corner and appeared to not be paying much attention to Thomas. It kind of looked like he'd forgotten he had even been having a conversation. Thomas watched him for a moment. It's not like this was debatable, but for some reason he still hesitated to offer. He was kind of angry with Teresa for leaving this to him, even though that hadn't been her intention. He was angry that it was up to him. He didn't know why he was angry, but he was. 

Thomas grabbed his keys from his jacket pocket. "Okay," He said. "Let's go. I'll give you a ride." 

Newt slowly looked back to Thomas, coming back into focus. He blinked once, twice, then noticed the keys in Thomas' hand. 

"Oh," He said. "Thanks." 

Thomas didn't say anything else. He took off outside, not bothering to see if Newt was still behind him. He could tell he was by the footsteps that lingered close behind. Newt ended up catching up and walking next to Thomas. Neither of them said anything. Thomas didn't have anything to say and Newt was clearly a spacey drunk. He wouldn't say much. 

Thomas stopped next to his car, but Newt didn't notice and bumped into him. 

"Oops," He took a step back. "Sorry." 

Thomas tried not to glare at him and stepped inside. He pushed the door open for Newt, not sure he trusted him to do it himself. 

"Okay, where am I going?" Thomas asked him.

Newt gave him directions for a few blocks before telling him to keep straight for a while. They fell back into silence which Thomas was happy for. It didn't last long, though. 

"I'm sorry," Newt said. It took Thomas by surprise. The night was so quiet and he hadn't been expecting him to say anything. Especially not that. He let him continue, though, as he clearly had more to say. "I'm not usually like this." 

"Like what?" Thomas asked when Newt didn't go on. 

"Quiet." He said. 

Thomas hadn't thought that was a bad thing, but he didn't say so. He also wasn't sure what to make of that. He had thought Newt to be quiet, so hearing him say otherwise confused him. 

"You aren't?" He asked.

"Not like this." Newt said. "I mean, I guess I can be quiet, but tonight it's different."

Thomas didn't need to ask. He could have just let it go, let the conversation fall, but he couldn't. He didn't. 

"How so?" 

Newt didn't say anything for a while. Thomas thought he might not say anything else and he shouldn't have asked about it, but then Newt sighed.

"I know Teresa doesn't like me." He said. Thomas thought this might be encroaching on dangerous territory. Teresa was one of his best friends and she was still related to Newt, whether they liked each other or not. "And that's okay. She doesn't have to like me, but I'm a little annoyed that she left me hanging tonight."

So he knew it was on purpose, too. He also knew of Teresa's animosity; not that it was much of a secret. 

Thomas sighed. "Yeah, I'm a little annoyed that she did that, too." 

Newt laughed, which Thomas hadn't been expecting. It was enough to make him smile, though. 

"Yeah, I'm sure you didn't go to that party expecting to give me a ride home. Turn left here." 

Thomas turned. "No, but I didn't go expecting to have a good time, either. I'm not even sure why I went." 

"It was nothing special." Newt said. Then, quickly as if he were worried he'd hurt Thomas's feelings, "Not that it was bad, I'm just not much of a partier." 

"So why'd you go?" Thomas asked. 

"Left again." Newt paused after that. "Not much else to do." 

Thomas didn't respond to that. He didn't know that there was much to say. He listened to Newt's last set of instructions and pulled in front of the building Newt was pointing at. The pointing was unnecessary. 

The city Thomas lived in was not that impressive. It had a pretty decent mall, plenty of restaurants and shopping centers, and other businesses. It was mostly residential and wouldn't be considered a large city, but it wasn't small either. 

The building Newt was pointing at however, was large. It was in the nicest area of the city and was probably one of the tallest. It was hard to tell in the dark how nice the exterior was, but Thomas had to guess nice. Really nice. He could tell each apartment had large windows and were all equipped with what looked to be fairly private balconies. Thomas had been in this neighborhood before, but he'd never really looked. Thomas lived in a fairly nice house himself, but compared to these houses and the building that was apparently where Newt lived, it felt very shabby. 

Thomas was clearly not hiding his shock because Newt laughed softly. Thomas looked at him and he thought he seemed embarrassed. Probably not, though. 

Newt looked at him, too. Neither of them said anything for what felt like a long time. Thomas wasn't sure how long they looked at each other, either, but he realized it was probably getting weird. Newt noticed this, too, because he looked back to the building. 

"Thanks for the ride." 

"No problem." 

Another silence, but this time Newt reached into his pocket and retrieved what looked like a gum wrapper.

"Do you have a pen?" He asked Thomas. 

"Glove compartment." 

Newt opened it up and dug around until he found a pen. He scribbled something down on the gum wrapper, careful not to rip it, and then replaced the pen and folded up the wrapper. He handed it to Thomas. 

"If you ever wanted to hang out without it being forced on us, that would be cool." 

Thomas accepted the wrapper hesitantly and looked back up at Newt. He smiled at him which was what made Thomas realize he had stopped. 

"Goodnight." Newt said. He got out of the car and walked up to the building. Thomas watched him walk away and didn't drive away until he was inside. Even then he made no move to go anywhere. He leaned over as far as he could without taking off his seatbelt and looked up at the building. There were so many floors. He wondered which one Newt lived on. 

A light near the top flickered on. Thomas shot back into his seat, suddenly scared Newt was going to catch him idling. He relaxed and then felt embarrassed when he realized there was no way Newt could be that far up already. With that, he put his car into the correct gear and drove away. 

As he suspected, when he got home all lights but one were off. His parents always left the porch light on when they went to bed before Thomas got home. It was kind of a waste of electricity, but Thomas appreciated the gesture. It made him feel safe. He shut the light off when he stepped inside and was quiet as he made his way downstairs. 

Just as he was about to get into bed he remembered the gum wrapper Newt had given him. He had written something on there and, even though Thomas could probably guess what it was, he was too curious to not check. He dug in his jacket pocket that was now hanging on the back of his desk chair and retrieved the foil. He unfolded it and, sure enough, found a series of numbers written on it. Clearly a phone number. Above it in surprisingly neat printing was Newt's name. 

Thomas stared at it for a while. He didn't know why, but he couldn't look away. He considered entering the number into his phone, but couldn't bring himself to do that either. Instead he folded it back up and opened up his desk drawer. He spotted his letters of acceptance sitting at the bottom and placed Newt's number underneath them. 

_There's nothing symbolic about that_ , Thomas thought as he got into bed. He turned off the lamp and closed his eyes. 

\---

Thomas went another few days without seeing his friends, but this time it was on purpose. He wanted to blame it on working lots, or his disinterest in discussing college, but he knew none of those were the real reasons. Sure, they may have played a part in it, but there was something else he was more concerned with.

Newt. He knew he was overreacting to whatever it was that happened on Friday night. Especially since nothing had really happened. He’d given Newt a ride home, gotten his number, and had never texted him. That was all; nothing to feel uncomfortable or awkward about. And yet he did. 

It’s not like Newt was even technically apart of the group. He was there sometimes, much to Teresa’s dismay, but it’s not like he was an expected member that people asked about when he was absent. There was no reason for Thomas to avoid seeing his friends just because he didn’t want to see one person who may or may not be there. 

Yet he did anyways. He really didn’t want to see Newt and part of it was because he felt bad for not texting him when he’d been given his number. He hadn’t actually looked at it since he’d gotten home that night and several days had passed since. It felt too late to make use of it now. More than that, though, it was that he wasn’t sure what to make of it. Why had Newt given him his number? They didn’t even know each other and given the fact that Teresa didn’t even like him it would make more sense to only see him when necessary. He kind of felt like he would be betraying Teresa by hanging out with him.

Until he figured out whatever it was he was trying to figure out, it would be best to not see anyone. Even though they’d been texting him. He’d gotten several from both Minho and Teresa, all telling him to go to Nina’s or to stop by their houses if he got a chance. He replied to some of them by saying he had to work or he was tired, but some he just ignored. He got a couple from everybody else, as well, but those were just to see what he was up to. Those ones were easier to answer because the answer was always the same. Work. 

That wasn’t a lie; he had been working a lot. On the weekend it had been a couple short shifts at the theater, but since Tuesday it had been full days. Monday morning he’d worked at the Record Store, but Jorge had sent him home right before lunch and said it was too slow to justify him coming back after lunch. The next day he’d been told to not even bother coming in. 

That happened a lot and every time it did it drove his parents silently crazy. They didn’t vocalize their anger, but they made small comments hinting at their annoyance and shot each other glances that gave away their true feelings. They hated his job at the Record Store more than the theater. They hated the unreliable hours and how much time Thomas spent doing nothing. They hated that it was ‘a local business’ and that its revenue wasn’t enough to benefit the community. Mostly they hated that, like the theater, Thomas wasn’t learning anything there. 

“How is music going to help you in college?” His father asked him once. “It’s a hobby, not a career.” Thomas never pointed out all the bands his father loved that had made a career out of a hobby and were more successful than he would ever be. He wanted to say that but he never did. 

Thomas didn’t agree with them, but he never said that, either. He liked the job and so long as he was living here he would continue working there. That was the promise his parents had made him. He wasn’t going to let them take it back. 

Since Tuesday, he hadn’t worked at the Record Store once and since Tuesday he had been working at his father’s law firm. He did that sometimes, too. It wasn’t a real job; not according to his parents. He just went on coffee runs and sometimes helped his mother answer phone calls. She took care of more pressing matters and he helped to deal with issues regarding when the next shipment of pens was to arrive and other things in relation to stationary. Another thing Thomas never said but often thought was that this job was of no more use to him than his other jobs. His parents wouldn’t agree with him, though. This was a real company, they would say, where real work gets done. This benefits people’s lives. Thomas wasn’t sure getting coffee for a bunch of businessmen counted as changing people’s lives, but this, too, went unsaid. 

There were a lot of things that went unsaid when it came to Thomas and his parents. As great as they could be regarding certain issues, there were a lot of things they didn’t necessarily understand, nor want to hear. It was generally easier for Thomas to keep his mouth shut and go along with what they wanted.

Like now, for example, as he stood outside his father’s office waiting for him to get off the phone. He’d been sent over by his mother who told him he was needed for something. She didn’t say what, but he thought he could probably guess. Thomas paced outside the door, waiting for the go-ahead to enter the room. He heard the distinct sound of his father’s voice, but with the door between them all he could hear was mumbling. It sounded important, but everything he said always sounded important. He had a voice that made people listen. Thomas often wondered what that would be like. 

After another minute of back and forth the mumbling stopped and Thomas heard, in a fully comprehensible volume, “Okay, Thomas, come on in.” He did as told and entered the office. 

It was, of course, the biggest office in the building which was not surprising considering this was Thomas’ father’s business. It had taken seven years of law school and four years working for a terrible boss to achieve, but this was and always had been his dream. His own law firm with his wife sitting ten feet from his office and his son helping him out when he could. Maybe not those specifics, but he always said going to work was much easier when he knew his wife would be there. Thomas also knew that his dad preferred him working here to anywhere else. 

Thomas stood in the doorway waiting for his dad’s instructions, who was staring at his computer screen rather intently. It kind of looked like he’d forgotten he’d even asked Thomas to come in. Thomas, knowing it could take a while if he did nothing, cleared his throat. His dad looked up and smiled when he spotted Thomas in the doorway. 

“Hey, sorry about that.” He said, waving Thomas in. “Been a crazy day.”

Thomas stepped further into the room. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah, I don’t want to bore you with it, though.” Which actually meant it was something Thomas was legally not allowed to know about. When given the opportunity his dad could talk about work for hours. Which he sometimes did. “So, tell me how’s the day going? Learning anything?” 

Thomas wanted to tell him that it was hard to learn anything when all he had been doing was taking down messages about when certain orders needed to be shipped out, but he didn’t. Instead he shrugged.

“Feels like it’s been slow today.” Which was a clear contrast to what his dad had just said, but neither of them pointed that out. 

“Well every business has its days.” He said. There was a moment following this one that brought a feeling of dread into Thomas’ chest. It was something that happened a lot lately and he never knew how to breach the subject as what followed was usually regarding college. Thomas could tell from his dad’s tone that this was what he was hinting at, what he was always hinting at, but wanted Thomas to be the one to finally bring it up. Somehow every conversation these days could turn into a dreadful pause like this one, no matter how counteractive. 

This time Thomas changed the subject before it even came up. 

“So what was it you wanted?” He asked. 

“Oh, right,” His father said. “Coffee.” 

Which was exactly what Thomas had been expecting. It was mid-afternoon and that was always the time Thomas was sent out for coffee. 

“Right.” Was all he said. His dad ripped a paper off of a small memo pad and handed it to Thomas. The writing was near indecipherable, but Thomas had grown up reading it and could therefore understand every word. 

“Thanks, buddy.” He was already facing his computer again and already forgetting Thomas was still in the room. Nothing else Thomas said or did would be fully acknowledged at this point.

“No problem.” He said anyways. 

Thomas’ dad’s colleagues did not get their coffee from Nina’s. For one thing, it was too far away, but more importantly it was for hipsters, according to his dad. Apparently good coffee was not served by high school students. Thomas didn’t always understand his dad and he’d stopped trying to figure him out a long time ago. 

At a coffee shop where all the employees were referred to as baristas, Thomas placed his obnoxiously long and detailed order then apologized to the employee. He stepped out of line after paying with the company credit card and waited for the coffee. From behind him, someone said his name.

“Thomas?” He turned to find a girl he vaguely remembered from high school. She was familiar and Thomas was sure they’d had a couple classes together, but he could not remember her name. So he smiled politely and hoped that would make up for it. 

“Hey, how are you?” He asked her. Was that too enthusiastic for someone he didn’t even know the name of? 

“I’m fine.” There was that lull of two acquaintances who didn’t know each other well enough to keep up a comfortable conversation. “So, you applied to San Diego State, right?” 

Thomas got that familiar dread in his stomach. “Yeah.” He managed.

“Did you get in?” 

“Yes.” 

“Congrats! So did I.” Just then the barista called out the name ‘Anne,’ and she stepped forward to accept the coffee. Thomas wouldn’t have remembered the name Anne. “I guess I’ll see you there.” 

Thomas was about to tell her he hadn’t made a decision yet, but she was already walking away and it’s not like he needed to share his indecision with every person he vaguely knew. He watched her walk off and shook his head. He wished it could be as easy for him as it seemed to be for everybody else. 

It took a bit of maneuvering for Thomas to get inside the building when he returned with the coffees. The first set of doors were automatic and therefore not a problem, but it was when he got past the second set of doors and stood around the corner from where his mother’s desk was that he had to stop. He decided, rather than risking a huge mess, to set down the coffee in order to open the singular door that led him to where his mom sat. When he propped the door open he heard her voice.

“Yes, he’s very excited to be going!” She said. 

Another voice Thomas recognized as a woman from human resources responded with significantly less enthusiasm. Which still left her with plenty of room to be emphatic, given his mom was talking an octave higher than normal; her overly-enthused voice. That meant she could only be talking about one thing. 

“That’s so exciting for all of you!” The human resources woman said. “Where is he going?” 

Thomas picked up the coffees and guided the door shut behind him with his shoulder so it wouldn’t make a noise. He waited before he turned the corner. 

“Well he applied to four places and got into three.” Which meant he was right. He was the subject and college was obviously the discussion. He could never escape it. Thomas was about to walk in, just to get it over with, but he stopped when he heard his mom finish answering the question. “But he’s decided on University of Washington.” 

It took Thomas a moment to realize his mouth was hanging open and another moment for what she said to register. Why did she say that he had chosen? He hadn’t chosen. He hadn’t even come close to making a decision; why would she possibly think that he had? And was it just a coincidence that Washington was the same place she had gone to school with Thomas’ dad? 

Thomas closed his mouth. Maybe he was overreacting. There had probably been some misunderstanding that he had to clear up. Or she had answered without thinking. She couldn’t possibly think he had made a decision. He’d never once said anything about deciding, so why would she think he had? 

It wasn’t until the conversation was centered around something totally different that Thomas rounded the corner. He didn’t want to get pulled into this subject with his mom right now. Not at work and not around her coworkers whom she’d basically just lied to. She spotted him almost instantly and lit up.

“Oh, thank you, Thomas!” She said as he handed her her coffee. “I needed this, it’s been a long day.”

That seemed to be the common consensus and it made Thomas wonder if they’d even been working at the same place all day. He nodded, though, and let her get back to chatting with the human resources woman. He left all but one of the coffee’s on his mom’s desk and knocked on his dad’s office door and received a loud ‘come in.’ He stepped inside and approached his desk where his dad was seated. He didn’t look up until Thomas set the coffee right in front of him. He looked at the coffee in surprise then up at Thomas.

“Oh, hey! Thank you.” He managed to pull himself away from whatever was on his computer screen and looked at Thomas again. “That took a while. Was it busy?” 

Based on how today had been Thomas and his dad clearly had different definitions of the word busy, so he nodded. “Yeah, it was.” 

“I don’t understand why it takes so long to make a few coffees, busy or not.” This wasn’t really directed at Thomas and Thomas didn’t really feel like arguing, so he pretended he didn’t hear it. Instead he gently closed the office door and approached the desk again, sitting down in the chair meant for clients. 

“Can I ask you something?” Thomas asked.

His dad raised an eyebrow. “Sure, what’s up?” 

“Why is mom telling people I’m going to Washington? She knows I haven’t decided yet, right?” 

His dad sighed. Thomas wasn’t sure if it was directed at him, his mom, or the general topic. “She knows.” He said, but it didn’t sound very convincing. “She’s just excited for you and probably misspoke. Don’t worry about it. We both know you haven’t made a decision.” 

“Okay,” Thomas said. “I just overheard her talking and wanted to make sure you both knew.” 

He nodded. “We both know.” There was an edge of annoyance to his voice now that told Thomas it was time to drop it. He did and chose to exit all together. “Thanks again. For the coffee.” His dad said before he left. 

Thomas nodded. “Sure.” He wasn’t sure why his dad had gotten so annoyed at that, but he didn’t really feel like dwelling on it. He also didn’t feel much like talking to his mom about it, either, so he did his best to avoid them both until the day ended. It was much harder to avoid them then. He stayed in his room until his mom called him for dinner at which point he had no choice but to face them.

Most nights they ate as a family. His parents were big believers in sitting at the table at the same time every night and talking about their day while eating some home cooked meal. Some days Thomas could get out of it if he had plans with friends and obviously if he was at work, but there were some days it was non-negotiable. It wasn’t that he didn’t like eating with his parents; it was that he didn’t like talking to his parents.

Alright, that wasn’t true, either. He didn’t like talking about college and lately that was all they ever wanted to talk about. Even when he switched subjects they usually had a way to bring it back. 

Now, Thomas sat in his usual seat with his parents on either end of the table and prepared himself for when the inevitable would be brought up. It started in silence as it usually did, then whichever parent hadn’t cooked would compliment whichever parent it was that had. Then his mother would ask everybody about their days and the small talk would ensue. 

Tonight it had been a joint effort between both his parents. They complimented each other and fell silent. Thomas waited a beat before his mother set down her fork and looked up at the two of them. 

“So,” She said as she did every night. “How was everybody’s day?” Even though they’d all spent the day at the same place. 

His father, always true to himself, began complaining about whichever employee had failed to complete whichever task his father saw as ‘child’s play.’ His mother, like always, nodded sympathetically and responded with the click of her tongue. Then responded with, “Some people just aren’t cut out for that line of work.” And then she turned to Thomas.

“Thomas?” She asked. “How was your day?” 

Typically he responded with an easy response that did not invoke much prying, but today he didn’t have it in him to lie. 

“Kinda boring.” This made his dad look up and his mom shoot him a concerned expression. “It felt like there wasn’t much to do.” 

“Well,” His dad said slowly. “I guess there’s always going to be days like that. Sometimes it’s just about putting in the effort to find something to do.” 

“Enjoy the slow days while you can.” His mom said. “Once you get to college there won’t be many left.” 

There it was. As always, the easy way she switched the conversation to college from something so unrelated. She had a talent for it; they both did. He usually dropped it or switched it back, but then he remembered what he’d overheard. He wanted to make sure she knew nothing had been decided yet. 

“I guess it’ll probably depend where I go.” He said. He didn’t know if that was true, but he wanted to get his point across. “Since, you know, I haven’t decided yet.” He had been looking down at his plate when he spoke, but now he looked up. 

His parents didn’t say anything, but they shot each other a look that it seemed only couples were capable of understanding. Thomas didn’t know exactly what the look said, but he got the gist of it. They had picked up on what he was trying to convey and that was all he wanted. 

Thomas stood up and collected his dishes. “Thanks for dinner,” He said. “I’m going to head downstairs.” 

They didn’t object and didn’t ask him to help with dishes like they usually did. Thomas ended up at his desk in his bedroom and rifled through his drawer until he found what he was looking for. He flipped through all three envelopes.

**University of Washington**  
NYU  
San Diego State University 

The second two had been his choice, as had Cornell - the one school he’d been rejected from - but Washington had been his parents’. Really, it hadn’t even been a choice. It was just something they’d expected from him; like there had never been a question of it. 

Thomas went to return the letters to the drawer, but before he could he caught sight of something that had been underneath. A gum wrapper. His initial reaction was to throw it in the garbage, but then he remembered what he would see if he flipped it over. He picked it up and did just that.

10 digits and a name messily scrawled across. Thomas hadn’t thought about it in a couple days. In fact, he’d almost forgotten it was even in there. He’d been too busy with work to be thinking about Newt. Or his friends. 

Thomas put all the envelopes back in the drawer and this time set the wrapper on top instead of below. Deciding he’d been avoiding his friends long enough, he headed upstairs to gauge his parent’s mood. If they weren’t upset he would see if any of his friends were free.

Before he got up, he heard his parents talking. It didn’t take him long to realize he wanted to hear what they were saying. He stopped before they could hear him coming. 

“He said he hasn’t made a decision yet.” His father said. Thomas couldn’t tell from his tone whether he was being supportive or not. He had a feeling he knew, though. 

“I know,” His mother said. “But I really don’t think it’s much of a question.”

“What?” 

“Well, it’s a big decision. Obviously he’s going to want to think about it. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know already.”

“He says he doesn’t.” 

“I know, and maybe he thinks he doesn’t, but you know he’s going to Washington. He knows that, even if he isn’t saying it.” 

Thomas didn’t want to hear the rest. He retreated downstairs before he could hear whatever his dad’s response was. Something told him it wouldn’t make him feel any better. 

Back in his room, Thomas sat on his bed. He had a feeling of betrayal growing inside him. Maybe that was over dramatic, but he didn’t care. He had always known that his parents wanted him to do the same thing as them, but he didn’t realize they expected him to do the same thing as them. What would they say if he decided to do something different? Would they even let him? 

Thomas didn’t want to think about that. He was sick of having all of his decisions made for him. After he felt himself calm down he grabbed his phone. He didn’t care if his parents were angry; so was he.


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a couple days late, but university has me busy. also im getting a tattoo tomorrow and im really excited!!

Thomas walked through the doors of Nina’s for the first time in just about a week. That happened occasionally, but he usually made it a point to stop by once or twice in a week. This time he had been purposefully avoiding it and he figured it was time to stop being childish. Plus he missed his friends. 

After overhearing his parent’s conversation he had texted a couple of his friends to figure out what everyone was doing. The general consensus was Nina’s, which was not surprising. He informed them he would be there as soon as he could and left his house, telling his parents he was going to Nina’s while walking out the door so it would be harder to stop him. If there were consequences he could deal with them when he got home. 

Now he scanned the room to find his friends and figure out who was there. He already knew Teresa was working and both Gally and Brenda had said they would be there, but he wasn’t sure about everyone else. Thomas spotted them sitting against the wall and headed towards them.

It was Gally, sitting beside Minho, that noticed him first. He waved and Brenda moved over to make room for Thomas. He sat beside her and slid his arm across the top of the booth making himself comfortable. 

“Hey, Thomas.” Minho said from across the booth. “We’ve missed you, where you been?” 

“Working with my dad.” Thomas replied because that was true. It also would have been true if he’d said he was avoiding everyone, but they didn’t need to know that. 

“How high class,” Brenda said, turning to face him. “What, Jorge’s isn’t good enough for you anymore? Gonna be a fancy, stuck-up lawyer?” 

Her tone was light and playful, but Thomas still felt a pang of guilt. He pushed past it and smiled.

“Absolutely not.” He replied. “But it’s been slow at Jorge’s and my parents decided I needed to be working, so I really had no choice.” 

It was just the four of them at the table, but Thomas spotted Teresa across the room taking somebody’s order. When she finished she glanced in their direction and waved at him. He waved back and smiled which she did not return. Now that he was looking he realized she looked fairly unhappy. Not that she ever looked thrilled to be here, but she usually had some sort of fake smile going on. Now she wasn’t even trying. 

Only a second after Thomas saw someone coming out of the hall that led to the public washrooms. Which was when he realized it was Newt and that was why Teresa seemed to be so unhappy. 

Thomas quickly looked back at his friends. He hoped Newt didn’t catch him watching. Minho was talking to Gally about one of the classes they were both taking and Brenda was contributing with what she knew about the subject, which was apparently a lot. Thomas tried to appear invested in the conversation, but given that he knew nothing about what they were talking about, it was not a convincing performance. 

“I see I’ve lost my spot.” 

Thomas waited a second before he looked to Newt who was now standing right next to him. God, he was tall. And, of course, smiling. He looked down at Thomas who seemed to have lost the ability to talk. He settled for saying nothing and made Brenda slide over to make room.

Thomas tried not to look at him. He’d really been hoping Newt wouldn’t be here as he still felt a little guilty for never texting him. He wasn’t sure if Newt had meant for him to, or if he’d just been drunk. 

Newt didn’t seem offended, though. Thomas glanced at him. He was watching Gally and Brenda talk, seeming very invested in the light-hearted debate. There was no sign of irritation or anger on his face and he hadn’t ignored Thomas when he’d approached the table. Thomas figured he was just turning it into a bigger deal than he had to. 

By the time he realized this, though, Newt had caught him staring. He tilted his head in Thomas’ direction just slightly and glanced at him. His ever-present smile dissipated into a smirk. Again, he looked at Thomas like he knew what he was thinking. Thomas didn’t even know what he was thinking. He looked away when he realized Newt had caught him and tried to find something more interesting. 

Teresa ended up being that more interesting thing. She approached the table with a pastel pink mug and handed it to Thomas who had to reach around Newt to take it. He leaned back in his seat to give Thomas room and very clearly avoided looking at Teresa. Teresa did the same. 

Thomas wasn’t sure if the rest of his friends were unaware of the animosity Teresa had for Newt, or if they just didn’t care. He, personally, felt very uncomfortable as she moved to the other side of the booth where Gally and Minho were sitting. 

“Thanks.” Thomas said, trying to bypass the awkwardness. 

She nodded. “Where have you been?” 

“Working with my dad.” He replied and she shot him a sympathetic look. She knew how much he hated working there. 

“Alright, then your absence is excusable.” 

Thomas noticed she was no longer wearing her apron. “Is your shift over?” He asked her. 

“Yeah, finally. I would join you guys, but I just pulled a double and I’m exhausted.” She put her hair back in a loose ponytail. “I’ll see you all later.” 

“I’ll walk you out.” Brenda said, gathering her stuff. “I have to be home soon, anyways.” 

She nudged Thomas over which made him lightly bump into Newt. Newt stood up and took a step back. Making room for Thomas to get out or moving further away from Teresa, Thomas wasn’t sure. Probably both. Thomas stood up as well and stepped towards Teresa. Brenda followed and Teresa joined her. Everyone said their goodbyes and both Thomas and Newt slid back into the booth. 

“I should probably head out, too.” Gally said. “I have a test tomorrow that I have to study for.” He shot Minho a look which told Thomas that it was the same test Minho should be studying for. Minho rolled his eyes and sighed. 

“Alright, fine.” They both stood up as well. Minho turned to Thomas before he left. “I’ll see you around, don’t disappear for another week.”

“I won’t.” Thomas said. “I’ll see you later.” 

Minho nodded. “Bye, Newt.” 

“Bye.” Newt replied. Gally said bye as well and the two walked out together, leaving only Thomas and Newt. Thomas wasn’t aware where that left him until he’d been saying bye to Gally, but now it was the only thing he was aware of. 

Neither of them said anything for a while. Thomas focused on his drink and soon figured out he didn’t know what to say. He was sure there were plenty of questions he could ask Newt, given that they didn’t know each other very well, but Thomas couldn’t think of any question that didn’t sound stupid. 

“So,” Newt finally spoke, but took a while to continue. Within the pause Thomas wondered if Newt was about to ask him why he never texted. He’d been expecting it, but he still felt guilty about it. Which made no sense; he never told Newt he would. “You have three jobs?” 

It took Thomas a second to figure out what he was asking. Not like it was a difficult question, but it was not the question he had been anticipating. 

“Yeah,” Thomas finally answered. “Sometimes.” 

“Doesn’t that get tiring?” Newt asked. 

“Sometimes.” Thomas said. “Depends how much I’m working at each job. Working with my dad doesn’t happen much, and generally only if I’m not getting enough hours at my other jobs. I’m usually only working two of them in a week.” 

“Don’t you ever want a break?” Newt asked. “You know, like, some time to yourself?” 

“My parents don’t really believe in ‘free time.’” As soon as he said it he felt guilty. Newt didn’t even know his parents and Thomas was painting a bad picture of them. Not that it mattered what Newt thought of his family, but it still wasn’t fair to them. “It’s not that they’re bad people, they’re just very work-oriented. I guess they kind of rubbed off on me.” 

Newt only looked at him. He seemed skeptical, but didn’t say anything in regards to it. 

“Okay, so what would you do if you had the free time?” 

“This.” Newt raised an eyebrow. “Maybe not this exactly, but usually if I have free time I’m with at least one of my friends. It’s hard to get all six of us together when we all have such different schedules.” 

“You guys are really close, huh?” 

“Yeah.” Thomas replied. “I mean, most of us have known each other since we were really little and we all just stayed close. Brenda is the only one we met later on and she was an easy addition.” 

Newt looked thoughtful as he listened to Thomas. He waited for a minute before replying. “I’ve never had that.” He said. 

“What? A big group of friends?” 

“Well, yeah. But, no.” He stopped to get his thoughts in line. “I mean, obviously I’ve had friends and sometimes we’d hang out, but it was never like this. Never as close as you all are.” 

Thomas wished he could tell him something reassuring, like, ‘It’s not all it’s cracked up to be,’ or, ‘Sometimes it isn't that great,’ but those would all be lies and they both knew it. Thomas often wondered what he would do without his friends and he never liked the hypotheticals he came up with. The thought of any one of them not being a part of his life made Thomas upset and thankful that that was not the case. 

“I don't know what I would do without them.” Thomas finally admitted. He figured the truth was better than some spoon-fed lie. “I don't know what I'm going to do when we all go our separate ways this fall.” He stopped abruptly after that. He didn’t know why he was suddenly being so open and honest with Newt when he was hardly that honest with himself. 

“Take it from me,” Newt said. “I would rather have someone I’m sad to leave behind than not miss anybody at all.” 

Thomas wondered if he was talking about moving away from home. He didn’t think it was any of his business, but that didn’t stop him from asking.

“There’s no one you miss back at home?” 

Newt looked at him and Thomas noticed he was no longer smiling. It was a weird thing to see considering he usually was. Thomas also realized the look he was giving Thomas was not just unhappy, but sad. He looked sad. 

It was such a fleeting look, though, that Thomas almost missed it. He wished he had. 

“There is.” Newt said. Thomas thought he was going to say more, but after enough time passed it was clear that was all he had to say. Or all he was going to say, anyways. Thomas wasn’t going to pry. 

“I think I’m one of the lucky few, though.” Thomas said in an attempt to get the conversation back on track. “Most people don’t stay friends throughout high school and I managed to stay friends with all of them.” 

Newt nodded. “Yeah, that is pretty rare. I’m sure if you’ve all made it this far you can make it through college.” Newt said. He seemed to be back to himself. “Where are you going?” 

Which made Thomas unlike himself. Or maybe more like himself than he’d been this whole time. It sure seemed like being anxious about college was his default setting lately. 

“I don't know yet.” Thomas said. “Not Cornell.” 

“Something tells me we’ll be here a long time if you list all the places you aren’t going.” Newt said. 

“Cornell is the only place I got rejected from.” Thomas told him. He hoped this would distract Newt from his original question. 

“Well, that’s an ivy league school, isn’t it? I wouldn’t feel too bad about that.” 

“I don’t.” Thomas said, which was the truth. He wasn’t going to say he felt good about it, though, even though that was also the truth. “It was a long shot. I didn’t really expect to get in.” 

“Would have been cool, though.” Newt said. 

“Yup.” Thomas agreed, even though he wasn’t sure that he did. He was just glad his diversion from the original question had worked. 

“So,” Newt said after a while. Thomas waited for whatever it was that followed. “You never called.” 

Now Thomas felt guilty again. He’d completely forgotten about ignoring Newt over the past week. He’d stopped worrying that Newt was going to bring it up and now that he had, all his guilt came rushing back at once. He lifted his mug up to his mouth as if he could hide behind it. 

“No,” Thomas finally said. “I didn’t.” He wondered what was going to come next. Anger? Probably not; Newt didn’t seem like the angry type. Maybe a guilt-trip. Thomas doubted that, too. Realistically it wouldn’t be a big deal and Thomas would find he’d been worrying for nothing. 

“It’s fine,” Newt said. “You were busy with work.” 

Thomas could have nodded and agreed, he could have brushed past the thing he’d been anxious about all week, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. 

“I didn’t know you actually wanted me to.” Thomas admitted. He didn’t know why. Something about Newt made him honest. Not that he was a liar otherwise, but there was a difference between lying outright and holding back the truth. Thomas often did a lot of the latter. 

Newt looked at him. He did that a lot. “I gave you my number, didn’t I?” 

It wasn’t condescending, but Thomas still felt foolish. Why wouldn’t Newt want him to call if he’d given Thomas his number? “Well, you were drunk.” Thomas said. “I wasn’t sure if you meant it.” 

“I wasn’t drunk.” Newt said. 

“You weren’t?” Thomas asked. He was sure he had been. He’d been acting so different from himself that night that Thomas was sure he couldn't have been sober. But then again, Thomas didn’t know Newt well enough to know what he was really like. Maybe that was a part of the problem. 

“No,” Newt shook his head. A shock of blonde hair fell into his eyes and he mindlessly pushed it back with his hand. “I had one drink and it was warm and flat. That was it for me.”

“Oh.” It was all Thomas could think to say. Now he really felt stupid. Newt genuinely wanted him to get in touch and he’d shoved his number into the bottom of his drawer without a second thought. He felt stupid and inconsiderate. “So you really wanted me to get ahold of you? You really wanted to hang out?” 

Newt nodded. “That’s why I gave you my number.” He had a smug smile on his face which told Thomas he wasn’t offended. Which was what made it so easy for Thomas to say what he said next. 

“Okay. Then what are you doing right now?” 

\---

The alley was dingy and dimly lit, as most alleys were. Given the buildings that made up the location of the alley, there were broken bottles and cigarette butts littering the ground and the scent of alcohol, smoke, and urine was nearly unbearable. Thomas, however, was used to it. Newt was not.

Thomas had glanced back at him several times since he’d parked his car a block away. To start, Newt had simply appeared intrigued as to where they were going, but when Thomas led him down a dark alley his expression quickly changed from intrigue, to curiosity, to what was clearly fear. 

Given that Thomas hadn’t told Newt where they were going, his fear was understandable. It was getting late and therefore the sun was set, which made their current location that much more disconcerting. Thomas hadn’t considered how off-putting it would be for Newt until he looked back once more and saw the concern in his eyes and the way he’d distanced himself from Thomas. 

At this, Thomas finally spoke. “You’re not 21 yet, are you?” He was pretty sure he knew the answer, but he had to be sure. 

“No…” Newt answered slowly, still unsure of what was going on. “I’m 19.” 

“Alright, then you can’t order any drinks while we’re here.” Thomas told him. “Unless it’s water.” 

Newt was clearly about to ask him a question, but Thomas stopped in front of a door attached to a shabby looking building. He pulled it open which gave way to the sound of a band playing somewhere inside. Newt looked much less wary, but the confusion remained imminent. 

Thomas held the door open for him. Newt hesitated, but walked in with Thomas following close behind. 

“Okay,” Thomas whispered as he lead them down a hall darker than the alley. “Don’t say anything.” 

They followed a light that lit up the end of the hall, as well as the music that got louder as they got closer, and Thomas stopped Newt when they reached it. Right through the entryway sat a man on a wooden bar stool. He was tall and wide, clearly a bouncer, but didn’t look very intimidating. He didn’t see Thomas or Newt until they stood right in front of him and when he did, he glanced around the hall and at whatever was past the entrance he was guarding. 

“Thomas.” The man said when he knew it was all clear. “Haven’t seen you in a while.” 

“I’ve been working.” 

“Good kid.” He peered past Thomas at Newt and squinted. “I don’t recognize this one.” 

“He’s new.” Thomas said. “And 21.” 

The guy eyed Newt a little closer and then turned back to Thomas. “But not drinking, right?” 

“Right.” Thomas agreed. 

“Alright, then have fun. And remember if you get caught it wasn’t me that let you in.” 

Thomas gave him a knowing smile and gestured for Newt to follow him. He did, but Thomas could see he was more confused than ever. It was finally bright enough to see their surroundings, but now too loud to hear anything but the music. 

The outside of the building, especially the back entrance, did not do the inside justice. Recently renovated, it was no longer the rundown, low-quality tavern it had once been. Now it was the place to be. Good music nearly every night, usually live, with neon lights filling the room. There were a couple pool tables located in the back corner, away from the music, and a dance floor right in front of the stage. The rest of the room consisted of booths and tables that did not yet smell of beer and still remained unstained. While it was not the only bar with live music and pool tables in town, it was the most recently renovated and therefore still the nicest. And Thomas knew one of the bouncers. 

Newt followed Thomas to a booth in the back corner, shoving past a small crowd of people, and sat down. It was still loud even in the back, but not as loud as it would be anywhere else. Newt sat across from Thomas and looked at him with a mildly bewildered expression. 

“I didn’t take you for a sneaking into clubs kinda guy.” Newt said. 

Thomas shrugged. He was smiling and he knew that probably seemed out of character given how his personality seemed to line up around Newt, but he didn’t care. He was feeling oddly furtive at the moment and it was a feeling he liked. 

“I would say it’s the only area of my life that could be considered rebellious.” Thomas said. 

“How do you know the bouncer?” 

“He’s Aris’ brother.” Thomas said. “He’s been letting us in since Aris turned 18 a few months ago, but only if it’s just a couple of us at a time. He doesn’t want people getting suspicious.” 

“Was it just luck that he was there tonight or did you know he would be?” 

“Every Thursday and Friday night he’s on the back entrance.” 

“And if he’s at the front?” 

Thomas shook his head. “Too out in the open. Easier to get caught.” 

“Do you come here a lot?” 

“Only if there’s good music playing.” Thomas said. “Since the bartenders sometimes ask for ID, too, we aren’t allowed to drink. Only water. Too risky otherwise.” 

“Isn’t the whole point of going to a bar drinking? Why not hang out somewhere where you can actually use the amenities?” Newt asked. 

Thomas nodded in the direction of the stage where a band was playing. It was a rock band that Thomas had never seen before playing mostly covers. They were good, though, and therefore worth it. Which was exactly the reason he came here. 

“The music.” He said. “They almost always have live music and the bands are almost always great. Most places that I can get into that have live music do not have good live music.” 

Newt nodded. “Alright, I get that.” He watched the band for a while; as did Thomas. “Do all of you like to come here?” 

“No,” Thomas said. “It’s mostly me. Brenda isn’t a drinker and she generally finds drunk people annoying, Minho doesn’t like that he can’t drink when he comes here, and Teresa hates crowds and this place usually has one. Gally and Aris come with me sometimes, but usually it’s just me and Aris.” 

The conversation fell silent. They watched the band until they announced they were taking a break, at which point some rock station began playing over the speakers. Thomas glanced at Newt. 

“I hope this is okay with you.” He said. “If it isn’t your thing we can go find something else to do.” 

“No,” Newt said quickly. “No. This is good. I like the music.” 

Thomas was surprised by how relieved that made him feel. It had been a spontaneous idea, deciding to bring Newt here. It was only when Newt told him he meant for him to use his number that he remembered it was Thursday and he would be able to get in. He hadn’t even considered whether or not Newt would have a good time, he just knew it had been a while since he’d gotten to go and he really wanted to. He was glad Newt was okay with being here, too. 

Newt fiddled with a coaster that someone had left on the table. “Reverie?” He asked, reading the logo on the bottom.

“Name of the club.” Thomas replied. “This place used to be a really dingy, rundown place, but about a year ago someone bought it from the old owner. Everyone thought he was crazy since this place seemed to be beyond repair, but he started from scratch and turned it into one of the nicest places in town.”

“And you come for the music.” Newt said. 

Thomas smiled. “And I come for the music.” Newt smiled, too.

The fact that they were sitting here, just the two of them, made Thomas curious. They hardly knew each other. If Newt had been sober when he’d given Thomas his number, why had he? Why was it Thomas he wanted to be hanging out with? 

“Why did you give me your number?” Thomas asked him. He hadn’t meant to, but it was too late to take back.

Newt raised an eyebrow. “Did you not want me to?” 

“No, I just wondered why me. Why am I the one you wanted to hang out with?” 

Newt smiled again, but it was different. Smug. Again. “I hung out with Minho while you were ignoring everybody’s calls and texts. Gally, too.” 

“Oh.” It was all Thomas could think to say. He just assumed he’d been the only one, but maybe he assumed that because he hadn’t been paying that close attention to his friends lately. He needed to do something about that. “I didn’t realize.” 

Newt shrugged. “It’s fine, you’ve had stuff going on.”

More stuff than Newt realized. Thomas didn’t tell him that, though. 

“So,” Thomas said in an attempt to change the subject. “Why are you here?” He didn’t realize how accusatory it sounded until he said it. “In the States, I mean. I know you said you’re here for school, but why?”

“Needed a change.” Was all Newt said. 

“That’s a pretty big change, though. Couldn’t find a good school back at home?” 

“I guess not.” Newt said. “I just wanted something different. I dropped out mid-semester and decided to move early to settle in. My parents wanted me to move here since I have family.” 

“Family you haven’t spoken to in years.” Thomas said.

“Correct.” Newt said. “And family that apparently does not like me very much.” 

“Well, I’m sure Teresa’s mom is fine with you.” 

Newt shrugged. “She could be, but we don’t really know each other. She keeps trying to take us out for dinner, but Teresa keeps saying she’s busy.” 

“She could be.” Thomas said, but his tone was unconvincing. 

Newt obviously knew this, too, because he sent him a look that made Thomas concede defeat. They both knew Teresa didn’t like him; there was no point in pretending they didn’t. 

“Well, it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t have to like me.” 

“Why do you hang around so much if she doesn’t like you?” Thomas realized his words could be taken the wrong way, so he quickly added on. “Not that we don’t like having you around, it just seems like if you know she’s going to be there...why would you want to deal with that awkwardness?” 

“I don’t know.” Newt said. “I like her friends and I have yet to find any other way to spend my time. Plus Minho keeps inviting me to join.” 

“I didn’t realize you guys were close.” Thomas said. 

“I wouldn’t say close, but we get along. He’s a nice guy.” 

“That probably depends who you ask.” Newt laughed and for some reason Thomas felt his heart beat a little quicker. What was that? 

After that, conversation found a fairly steady flow. They exchanged stories from high school and talked about their hobbies. Newt, art in many forms and Thomas, music and being with his friends. Thomas told Newt all about his friends, how they met, what they were like growing up, and what they were like now. The only time there was a lull was when Thomas asked Newt about family and he fell quite silent. Thomas recognized a pattern in that and resumed telling stories about his friends at which point Newt immediately perked up. Every once in a while they stopped to listen to the band play, but there was nothing awkward about those silences. 

As it turned out being with Newt was very easy. He, as Thomas had already picked up on, was a cheery person and therefore conversation came easily. Thomas found it easy to sink into conversation. He’d never really been able to do that before, but now it was natural. He actually felt comfortable. 

They stayed for slightly less than two hours when they decided to call it a night. They exited through the front doors to make it seem normal and walked to Thomas’ car. Newt still had to give directions to his place which was a much shorter distance than it had been going from the party a week ago. 

When Thomas stopped in front of Newt’s he couldn’t help but look up at it in awe again. It really was huge. When he looked back at Newt he realized Newt was looking at him. He looked away when Thomas noticed and put his hand on the door handle. 

“Do you want to come in?” He asked. It took Thomas by surprise. Did he want to go in? How did he even answer that? 

There was something about this night that made Thomas feel real. Like up until now there was something about Newt that made him wary, but now he felt like this was normal. Like hanging out just the two of them and dropping him of at home was an everyday thing. Which was weird since they’d only hung out a couple of times now.

But his friendship had happened quickly with Brenda, so why not again with Newt? 

He almost said yes, but then he glanced at the clock. It was almost midnight and he was pretty sure he was supposed to work with his dad again. His parents wouldn’t want him out this late. 

“I probably shouldn’t.” Thomas said. “I think I work in the morning.” 

“At one of your many jobs?” Newt said. 

Thomas smiled. That was easy, too. “And the worst of the bunch.” 

That was something they had not talked about. Work or family. Not on purpose, but after the incident with Newt’s family, it hadn’t come up again. Thomas hadn’t felt like discussing his own. And work, especially his dad’s work, was not a conversation he enjoyed. 

“Well, I hope it doesn’t suck if you do.” Newt said.

“Thanks,” Thomas replied somewhat sarcastically. “That’s very reassuring.” 

Newt smiled. “Goodnight, Thomas.” 

“Goodnight.” 

Newt got out of the car. Thomas watched him go inside. He watched the doors long after Newt had disappeared and long after Newt would have made it inside his own place. Thomas saw one of the lights go on near the top and it reminded him of the last time he’d been here. This time it was possible that that was Newt. He ignored that possibility as he drove off the same way he ignored the strange feeling creeping into his mind. 

When Thomas got home and went down to his bedroom he opened up his desk drawer. The gum wrapper was exactly where he left it earlier that night, but this time he didn’t put it back or consider throwing it away. He grabbed his phone and didn’t hesitate before transferring the information into his phone. He hit save and stared at the screen for a moment. 

**Newt**

He would use it this time.


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late again oops. But i have 3 tests this week and, like, 4 assignments due, so i think that's a reasonable excuse. Anyways, i just wanted to say that there are a few of you who read and comment on every single chapter and i want you to know i appreciate that so much. I don't always respond to your comments because sometimes i forget, but they always make me really really happy, so thank you <33 I hope you enjoy the rest of this as much as you've enjoyed it so far!

As Thomas had suspected he was made to work with his dad the next day. Most Friday’s Thomas never had to work until the evening, but he had switched a shift with Harriet so she could have Saturday off. Meaning his parents decided it would be a good idea for him to work with them again since he’d already been doing it all week. 

“It’s just good practice.” His dad said to him that morning. Thomas didn’t argue even though he wanted to. Keeping his mouth shut around his parents was something Thomas had gotten very good at in his life and that was not an easy thing to do. Generally that just meant complaining about them to his friends later, but during the day he had to keep it shut and pretend he was okay with whatever they were suggesting this time. 

Just as he had all week, Thomas attempted to keep himself busy around the office. He dusted, took orders, fetched documents for employees when they were too lazy or busy to do it themselves. All things Thomas felt he did at both of his other jobs, except instead of getting legal documents for lawyers in fancy suits, it was cleaning up spilled popcorn while the moviegoer responsible for the mess watched him. Yet no matter how many similarities Thomas found between this job and his regular jobs, his parents insisted this one was actually beneficial. 

It was shortly before noon when his dad called him into his office. Thomas had already done all the menial work he could find and then did it a second time, so part of him was hoping he would be given something to do, even if it was just getting coffee. The other part of him that found being around his parents recently to be intolerable was anxious for the walk past his mom’s desk and into his dad’s office. He just hoped whatever it was he wanted would be quick. 

Thomas’ mom was on the phone when he walked past so all she did was smile and give him the go-ahead to walk into his office. Still, he knocked when he approached the door and waited to hear the okay from his dad. 

Thomas’ dad did not believe in casual Friday’s. He did not believe Friday was ‘close enough to the weekend’ and use it to slack off. It did not matter what day of the week it was, he was wearing a pristine suit and working as hard as he could. There was no such thing as taking a break if he was not supposed to be on a break. Even lunch and coffee he generally cut short. His day, like most of Thomas’, didn’t start until nine in the morning but he was usually gone by the time Thomas made his way upstairs. 

All of this was why Thomas was surprised when he walked into his dad’s office and found him on his phone. Not his work phone, either; his cell phone. That was another thing he did not believe in. If it was not an emergency or work related, phone’s were to remain unseen and unheard. Right now he was clearly not talking to a client as he was not talking and there wasn’t an emergency given the relaxed look on his face. It was all of this that made Thomas feel a sense of panic. 

Thomas closed the door behind him so he could get his dad’s attention. “Dad?” He said. 

He looked up. “Hey, buddy,” He was smiling. “How’s your day going?” 

“Fine,” Thomas said, still wary. “Trying to keep busy.” That was what he would want to hear. 

“Yeah, it’s been slow today.” He didn’t believe in slow days. Now Thomas was worried. “Which is why I think everyone deserves a little something.” He reached into one of his desk drawers and retrieved his wallet. 

“What do you mean?” Thomas asked him. He pulled a couple bills and handed them off to Thomas.

“Why don’t you run to the store and pick up some snacks.” He said.

Thomas didn’t know what to say to that. This was not typical of his dad. “Okay…” Thomas said, pocketing the money. “What kind of snacks?” 

“Oh, I don’t know.” His dad shrugged and turned to his computer. “Just some soda and chips or something.”

Thomas nodded and left the office. He had never known his dad to be laid back at work. At home, sometimes, but never when he was at the office. It was odd, if not unnerving, and because of that he was more than happy to have an excuse to get out of the building. 

His mom was still in the phone when he walked past so he didn’t say anything, but she stopped him before he could leave. 

To the phone she said, “Oh, just hang on a second.” Then, covering the bottom half with her hand she wheeled her chair closer to Thomas. “Thomas.” 

He stopped and turned to face her. “Yeah?” 

“Your father has a business dinner with a client and his wife tonight, so I’ve been asked to go along. We’re probably going to be out fairly late, but there are leftovers for you in the fridge.” 

“Okay, thanks.” He smiled at her and she smiled back, returning to her phone call. Thomas headed out of the building and took his car to the farthest grocery store. 

Thomas grabbed a cart and rolled it up and down the aisles. He didn’t really need the cart and he didn’t really need to go down most of the aisles he went down, but he wanted to stay here for as long as he could before it got suspicious. Eventually, and without really thinking, he tossed a few bags of chips and cases of soda into the cart. He analyzed everything he had and decided that was good enough and he’d wasted enough time. 

Right when he decided to go pay he looked up to see a familiar figure passing by. It was too late by the time Thomas noticed so he pushed his cart in the direction the person went and found them two aisles over. 

As he suspected, Teresa was halfway down the aisle crouched in front of the shelves and holding a box of teabags in each hand. Her eyebrows were furrowed. Her gaze darted back and forth between each box and the way her face was scrunched up made it look like the labels were written in a language she didn’t understand. He noticed she was still wearing her apron which meant her mom had likely sent her on an errand just as his dad had with him. 

Thomas approached her now and at the sudden nearness of his cart, she looked up. The frown disappeared - mostly - and she smiled. She pushed herself up, still holding the tea, and moved so she stood beside his cart. 

“Hey,” She said. “What are you doing here?” She looked down at the contents in his cart which she clearly hadn’t noticed before. She raised an eyebrow and glanced up at him. 

Thomas also looked at the contents in his cart. “I got hungry.” 

“Right,” Teresa said. “No food at home?”   
Thomas shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m working for dad.” 

Teresa sent him the pitying look that she always sent him when he was working for his dad. “Again?” 

“Just about all week.” She wrinkled her nose in disgust and he loved her for it. 

“So what’s with all this junk, then?” 

“I don’t really know.” Thomas said. “Dad sent me out to get them. Said it was a slow day and people ‘deserved a little something.’” Teresa raised an eyebrow. She knew Thomas’ dad well enough to know this was unorthodox. 

“Well, I’m glad he did.” Teresa said, putting one of the boxes back on the shelf. “I feel like I haven’t seen you much lately.” 

“I know,” Thomas said. “Work has been keeping me busy.” 

“Me too.” She paused. “Kinda my fault, I guess. I’m sorry for leaving yesterday.”

“What, you mean at Nina’s?” Teresa nodded. “It’s fine.” 

“I just feel like I kind of stuck you with Newt.” She said his name like it was a bad word. How one syllable could be said with so much resentment, Thomas wasn’t sure. “Did you guys get up to anything after I left?” 

The first thing Thomas felt was both a rush of guilt and fear; like he’d been caught doing something wrong. Then he realized she was probably referring to everyone that had been at Nina’s last night and would never consider Thomas would hang out with just Newt. As soon as Thomas realized that, he also realized the guilt was probably a proper first reaction. Teresa hated her cousin and Thomas had willingly hung out with him. And more than that, had a good time. He kind of felt like he’d just betrayed his best friend. 

“No,” Thomas said. “Everyone left pretty much right after you did.” Now he felt guilty for lying and he wasn’t sure which folly was worse. 

“Well, that makes me feel less bad.” Teresa said.   
“Hey, what time are you off today?” Thomas asked following a short pause, remembering what his mom told him before he’d left. 

“I’m done at 7. Why?” 

“My parents are out tonight. Why don’t you come over when you’re done work?” 

“Definitely.” She didn’t even hesitate before answering and Thomas loved her for that, as well. 

Deciding the conversation had found its end and they both had what they needed, they headed for the checkout. Teresa, with only one item, paid before Thomas.

“I’ll see you tonight.” She said.

“Yeah, see you.” Thomas replied. She smiled at him once more before she walked out of the store. Thomas followed a couple minutes later, but she was long gone. 

As he loaded the groceries into his car he began to feel guilty again. Actually, he’d been feeling guilty since she asked him what he’d done the night before, but he’d pushed it to the side until she left. Now it was fully present and the feeling was stronger. 

Maybe he was overthinking; he tended to do that. It’s not like they were little kids anymore. According to the law they were adults, and he was pretty sure adults weren’t supposed to feel resentful about who their friends were friends with. 

Still, he thought about it all the way to his dad’s office. He should tell her; she had a right to know. If he told her now she would probably be less angry than if she found out later by someone that wasn’t him. 

He was definitely overthinking it. When Thoma arrived back at his dad’s he carried all the snacks inside and plopped them down on his mom’s desk. She looked up at him in surprise which told Thomas she was unaware of why he’d been sent out. His dad stepped out of his office a moment later and smiled at him.

“Thanks, Thomas.” Thomas handed him his change. With help from Thomas’ mom, his dad carried everything into the kitchenette. Thomas sat down in the spare chair behind his mom’s desk. It was where he usually sat when he was working here and taking phone calls, but he usually avoided it as to not look lazy. Given his dad’s surprising relaxed mood, however, he decided there was no harm in it. He slowly spun the chair around in circles until his parents reappeared. They were both smiling. 

“It’s been a slow day,” His dad said for the umpteenth time. “Thomas, why don’t you stock the stationary that just came in and then you can call it a day.” 

Thomas looked at him. Then he looked at his mom who was now sitting in her chair beside him. He looked back at his dad, unsure of what to say. 

Every single time Thomas had been sent home early from the Record Store or told not to bother coming in, his parents rolled their eyes. They sighed loudly, shot each other looks, appeared ready to reprimand Thomas as though it was his fault. They usually refrained from saying anything too nasty, but their feelings were displayed clearly in their not-so-subtle looks. Now, just because they were having one slow day, Thomas was being told to go home. And if he pointed out the irony in that they would only say, “Well this is a real job. It’s pretty rare you get a slow day at a real job.” 

And because Thomas knew exactly how the conversation would play out he didn’t bother starting it. Instead, he nodded and pretended to smile. 

“Okay, thanks.” 

Putting out the new stock took not even 15 minutes, despite going as slow as possible. He just about left, but decided to say bye to his parents beforehand. His mom was not at her desk, so he walked past and approached his dad’s office. He was about to knock on the door when he heard his mom’s voice coming from inside. 

“I would love for him to come with tonight.” She said. 

“Me too, but he isn’t old enough. The restaurant is 21 and older.” That coming from his dad. 

“I know, but it would be so good for him to have an outside opinion. He could hear it from somebody other than us for once.” 

Thomas assumed he was the ‘he’ being discussed, but he didn’t want to think too hard about it so he knocked on the door. His mom was sitting on the edge of the desk when he entered and his dad sat behind the desk in his own chair. 

“Hey, I’m all done so I’m going to take off.” Thomas said. “Also, I told Teresa she could come over tonight. Hope that’s alright.” 

“Of course.” His mom said. 

When Thomas had started high school his parents had become wary about having Teresa over all the time. They expected it to turn into something more than just friendship and were worried about what would happen behind closed doors. Especially since his room was so isolated. Thomas, annoyed that his parents assumed he and Teresa were more than friends, pointed out that there were three other boys in their friendship group. He asked why, out of everyone, they assumed it was him Teresa would date. Then he asked why they expected her to date any of them at all. His bluntness had taken them by surprise, but they’d done their best to ease off. They had similar worries when Brenda came into the picture, but it didn’t take long for them to realize both Brenda and Teresa would only ever be friends. They were never so concerned with his friends coming over anymore. 

“Thanks for all your help this week, Thomas.” His dad said. “We’ll see you later.” 

Thomas nodded and said one last goodbye before going back out to his car. On his way home he thought about Newt and Teresa again. He seemed to be thinking about Newt a lot lately, but only today did he realize what that might mean to Teresa. She was his best friend and he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. 

Thinking about that, though, he also thought about the night before. How easy it was to be with Newt, to talk to him, and to listen to him. He didn’t exactly want to stop hanging out with him, either. Especially not right after he realized how simple it was to be with him. 

Thomas didn’t want to consider either possibility. Teresa was a rational person. If he figured out why she didn’t like Newt maybe he could find a way to hang out with Newt without upsetting Teresa in the process. Until then he was going to do his best to put it out of his mind. 

When Thomas got home he instantly took a nap. Under normal circumstances he was not much of a napper, but it had been a long week at his dad’s office. That, and the lack of sleep he’d gotten the night before left him feeling exhausted. It was so easy to crawl into bed and shut off for a few minutes.

Or a couple hours. When he woke up he heard his parents moving around upstairs, which told him he’d slept all afternoon. He was aware that meant he wouldn’t sleep much that night, but with Teresa coming over he probably wouldn’t have, anyways. 

Thomas sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes as though that would do away with the grogginess he was feeling. The clock on his nightstand said it was just after 5. His parents had clearly just gotten home and would likely be leaving very soon for their dinner. Why Thomas’ mom was going along for a business dinner, Thomas wasn’t sure, but he also wasn’t going to question it. 

When the noise above him settled Thomas managed to get up and make his way upstairs. The daze that often came with a nap clung to him as he stumbled up the stairs, but he composed himself when he entered the kitchen where his mom was leaning over the counter on her phone. She glanced up when he walked in.

“Hi,” She said. She squinted as she looked at him closer. “Were you sleeping?” 

As observant as she was, it was not hard to notice that he had, in fact, been asleep. He hadn’t bothered to fix his hair that was now sticking in wild directions and his clothes were very wrinkled. It was, however, the bleary look on his face that likely gave him away. 

“Yeah.” Thomas said. “Long week; I was tired.” 

His mom nodded. “Right, well I have to get ready. We’re leaving for dinner right away.” She squeezed his shoulder as she walked past him then disappeared upstairs. Thomas could hear the low mumble of her and his dad talking now, but their words were indistinguishable. 

Thomas opened up the fridge and dug around, searching for the leftovers his mom had said he could have. He threw the contents of the container onto a plate and into the microwave. It was only then that he noticed how hungry he was, which made him remember he hadn’t eaten lunch. His dad had sent him home right around his break and he’d gone to sleep before doing anything else. His stomach growled and he willed the microwave to heat his food faster. 

15 minutes and a quarter of a lasagna later, Thomas’ parents reentered the kitchen. Both had gone from business to formal in less than half an hour and Thomas applauded them on that. Both handled deadlines and time limits very well, even if all that meant was getting ready for a business dinner in record time. 

“You guys look fancy.” Thomas said from the island he sat at. “Must be an important dinner.” 

“Just an important person.” His dad said, straightening his tie. 

“We’ll probably be out late,” His mom said. “So I can’t imagine we’ll see you until tomorrow.” 

“Okay,” Thomas said. “Have fun.” 

In return he got a smile from his mom and a slight wave from his dad as they walked out the door. It wasn’t even six, yet, which gave Thomas over an hour by himself before Teresa got there. He spent that hour wondering if he should tell her about what he actually did the night before. 

Really, it had been harmless, right? All he’d done was gone somewhere he enjoyed going. Teresa knew Thomas liked going to Reverie and she knew the rule that he was not allowed to go by himself. Surely she would understand taking Newt along so he could get in like he so rarely could anymore. He didn’t have to tell her that it ended up being a really good night and that he enjoyed Newt’s company. He could tell her he only did it so he could get in. 

By the time the doorbell rang at 7:28 Thomas still didn’t know what he was going to tell her. He just knew that he was going to tell her something. Even if it didn’t end up being a big deal, he couldn’t live with lying to his closest friend. She had a right to know, whether it was serious or not. 

Thomas did not, however, bring it up right away. There was no reason to start the night off with something like that. Instead, he opened the door and greeted her with,

“That’s a lot of snacks.” 

“Yeah,” Teresa said. “I didn’t think you had enough in your cart earlier.” 

Thomas smiled. She did have an armful of both snacks and blankets, despite knowing Thomas would have plenty of both of those things. Thomas wasn’t going to object, though. Not when they rarely got to do this anymore.

It had always been a thing when they were growing up to have movie nights on Fridays. Every week they alternated whose house they went to and the guest brought plenty of snacks to last them well into the night. Teresa always brought blankets and Thomas always brought movies. As was the same with many of their traditions, it became less habitual when they started high school. What had once been once a week became once a month, became the rare night their parents went out. Sometimes it was everybody, if everybody was free, but usually it was just Thomas and Teresa. 

On the way downstairs Thomas stopped at his dad’s liquor cabinet and grabbed a cheap bottle of whiskey. When the movie night was at Teresa’s, liquor was easily accessible and not to be hidden, but when it was at Thomas’ it was the cheapest alcohol in the house and never enough to be noticable. Underage drinking, according to Thomas’ parents, was not the way to graduate high school with high marks and not the way to get into a good college. Thomas had not found that to be the case, but he would never tell them that. 

Once in the basement, Teresa created a nest with all the blankets she’d supplied and Thomas sorted through the collection of DVD’s his dad owned. Despite numerous pleas from Thomas, his dad refused to ‘get with the program’ of modern technology and stuck with DVD’s. 

It was like a system between the two of them. She made it cozy and set everything in a nice array so it was all within an arm’s reach and Thomas queued up the movies they would be watching, so getting up could be kept to a minimum. They’d had years of practice and knew this night forwards and back.

It always went like this: the first movie was one neither of them had seen. They paid close attention the entire time and rarely spoke. They went through a lot of snacks during this movie; the second movie was one they both really enjoyed, but had seen plenty of times so they would not be lost if they engaged in conversation. That’s when the alcohol came out; the third movie was generally something bad. Cheesy, awful, boring. The volume was always turned down and they had a good buzz going, no longer interested or able to focus on whatever movie was actually playing. That’s when real conversation began. 

This night was the same as they all were and Thomas never got tired of it. Halfway through the second movie, right on cue, Thomas turned the volume down. He was already feeling warm from the alcohol, but it wasn’t enough to alter his state of mind. Just enough to know it was there. He imagined Teresa was the same. 

“I have to tell you something.” Thomas said. Neither of them had said anything in a while, but, given the routine of these nights, they were not surprised by the break in silence. 

Teresa shifted so she was facing Thomas. “Okay.” 

Thomas looked at her before answering. She was a reasonable person. She was a mature person; he had no reason to be nervous.

“Why do you hate Newt so much?” Those were not the words he’d been expecting to say. He imagined himself confessing what he’d done the night before or informing her he enjoyed talking to Newt. But not that. It was also a question, rather than a statement, which proved how unprepared he’d been. 

Teresa, usually good at hiding how she felt, cringed. She was not good at hiding how she felt when it came to Newt and that was obvious to everybody. Thomas wondered if it was because she didn’t care to hide it, or if she simply resented him so much that it was impossible to contain. He imagined he was about to find out. 

There was a lengthy pause between question and answer. Teresa pulled a blanket up to her chest and fiddled with the fraying edge. She didn’t look at Thomas for a while, but when she did Thomas didn’t see anger or hate; only guilt. 

“I don’t mean to.” She said. It was also not the answer he’d been expecting. He’d never really had a theory as to why she hated him so much, but he was sure this wasn’t the response he’d anticipated. “It’s not really him I hate.” 

“What do you mean?” Thomas asked. 

Teresa cleared her throat, taking another pause. Then a look came into her eye that Thomas recognized. It was the look she got whenever the subject of her estranged family came up. It was the same look her mom got whenever the subject of Teresa’s father came up. 

“Well, you know how my mom’s family cut her off when she ran away with my dad.” Teresa said. “But I don’t think you know that they were super wealthy.” 

Thomas shook his head. He didn’t know that. “Really?” 

“Yeah. So obviously when my mom ignored their threats and ran off with my dad, they cut her out of the will. When her grandparents died - they were the wealthy ones and the ones who approved of her and my dad the least - she got nothing. Which wasn’t surprising. My mom had been cut off from the family for months by the time they died, and she didn’t find out they died for another three months after. She did find out that all of their money went to her aunt and uncle, which was then passed down to her cousins.”

She trailed off. Thomas figured it was so he could make the connections, which was exactly what he was doing. And when he did he figured it out. 

“And her cousins are Newt’s parents.” Thomas said.

Teresa nodded. She let that settle before speaking again. “And I know it’s not his fault that our great grandparents, or whoever, decided to cut my mom out. Neither of us were even born when all of that happened.” She paused. “But he’s also the only family I know besides my mom and he’s the one who got everything while sometimes it feels like my mom and I have nothing.” 

Thomas thought about that. He thought, in some way, he maybe understood. “Sometimes it’s easier to have someone to blame.” He said.

“Yeah,” She agreed. “And he is the most convenient person to blame.” 

“Even though he didn’t do anything wrong.” Thomas reminded her. 

“I know, but he feels like a reminder, you know? Like, his parents paid for a year and a half of college that he didn’t even use, they paid for him to fly here, they’re paying for his apartment - which is immaculate, by the way - and it’s like he doesn't even know. He doesn’t know that that was the life I was supposed to have, too, but never got and never will.” 

Thomas didn’t tell her that he knew how immaculate the apartment was - at least from the outside - because that wouldn’t help the situation. Instead he put a hand on her blanket-clad knee. 

“I know,” Thomas said, even though he didn’t. “But he didn’t really do anything. It’s not like he took the money from your mom.”

“I know.” Teresa said.

“And if your mom was able and willing to pay for all that stuff for you, wouldn’t you say yes?” 

“No.” Thomas gave her a look and she sighed. “Probably.” 

“It’s not his fault, Teresa.” Thomas said again. “I know it’s easier to place the blame on somebody and I know he’s the easiest person to blame, but he didn’t do anything. You could be a little nicer.” 

Teresa glared at him, but only because she knew he was right. “Fine, you’re right. It’s not fair of me.”

“It’s not really fair for you, either.” Thomas said, because he also wanted her to know that he supported her anger. 

“No, it’s not.” She said. 

Silence fell. Teresa shifted so her head was on Thomas’ shoulder and he rested his cheek against the top of her head. Her hair was soft and smelled like the same shampoo she had been using for years. It was comfortable and it was familiar and he was glad he had asked because now he felt his guilt receding. 

Teresa’s problem was not with Newt, rather what Newt being here meant. He no longer felt the same guilt for hanging out with him, but still felt guilt for not telling her about it. That was something that could wait, though. It didn’t seem urgent anymore and Thomas felt comfortable to just sit with her in silence after everything she’d revealed to him.

Thomas picked up the remote and turned up the volume. Right now he just wanted to be with her like he never got to be anymore. Everything else could wait.


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my aunt passed away last week so this is late and if it's not edited very well that's why. i probably should have just waited to post this until i started feeling better but idk when that's going to be so if there are typos then you'll just have to deal with them

Thomas woke up to a complacent sigh and a low voice coming from the next room. It took him a moment to get his bearings as he had not woken up in his bed, rather the floor of the common room in the basement. He blinked once, twice, three times and then sat up, rubbing his eyes. His neck hurt, likely due to the lack of sleeping with a pillow. He looked behind him on the couch where Teresa had slept and found her absent. That wasn’t surprising as the voice coming from the next room was obviously hers. He couldn’t hear what she was saying, but he could tell from her tone that she was not happy. 

Upstairs, Thomas could hear his mom and dad moving around the kitchen. They got home late the night before, but Thomas had still been awake. He’d stayed downstairs when he heard the door open, but he could tell they were drunk. They’d stumbled around the kitchen making enough noise that, even if he had been asleep, they would have woken him up. He was sure when he went upstairs this morning they would be mildly hungover but doing their best to pretend they were not. They were actually pretty good at hiding it, but Thomas knew them well enough. 

Teresa came around the corner just then looking a little frustrated. Her hair was thrown up in a messy bun and she had a bit of mascara pooled under her eyes. Teresa had spent plenty of nights at Thomas’ before and every morning he wondered how she always managed to look so nice, even when she was a complete mess. Like even now, in her stained tank top, she managed to look pretty. 

“Sorry,” Teresa said when she saw Thomas looking at her. “Did I wake you up?” 

“No.” Thomas said. “Who were you talking to?” 

“Mom.” She yawned as she took her place on the couch. Thomas turned so he could see her. “After our talk last night I decided to be the bigger person.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I made begrudging plans to have lunch with mom and Newt today.”

“Oh,” Thomas said. He hadn’t expected her to get over herself so quickly, but he was glad she was doing this. “Was this your plan?”  
“Well, mom’s been wanting to do this since he got here, but it was me who called her just now.” 

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Thomas said. “He’s actually pretty nice.”

Teresa sighed. “I’m sure he is.” She looked at him. “I don’t suppose you want to join me.” Her tone, while lighthearted, indicated she was not totally joking. Thomas also knew she wasn’t totally serious, either. 

“I would,” Thomas said. “But something tells me this needs to just be a family thing.”

“Yeah, I know.” She paused and then stood up. “I need breakfast.” 

Thomas stood up as well and they made their way upstairs. In the kitchen both of his parents sat at the table with large mugs filled to the brim with coffee. They were clearly exhausted, but also already dressed and groomed to make it seem as though they weren’t. To top it off, a plate of waffles - obviously fresh - were sitting on the island. A gesture to prove they were doing just fine because they made breakfast. 

“Morning.” Thomas said. Both him and Teresa headed for the waffles. His parents perked up - or attempted to - when they saw them walk in the room. 

“Good morning.” His mom said. “Hi, Teresa.” 

“Morning.” Teresa replied with a smile. 

“Fun night?” Thomas asked. They both filled their plates and joined them at the table. Neither of them were eating. 

“Very good, yes.” His dad said. “Very productive.” 

Thomas exchanged a look with Teresa, but said nothing. She knew these mornings almost as well as Thomas did. His parents didn’t go out often and when it was a business dinner they rarely drank, but there were certain clients or suppliers that had this affect on them. And given the fact that they rarely drank, when they did their mornings went something like this. Thomas just wondered who it was they’d had dinner with. 

“And you two?” His mom asked. “How was your night?” 

“It was good.” They both said. 

“Teresa, I feel like we never see you anymore.” His dad said. “Busy working I assume.” 

“I am most days, yeah.” She replied. “That, and now that I know where I’m going this fall, I’m pretty busy preparing for that.” 

“Good for you.” Thomas didn’t like where the direction of conversation was headed. He got up and poured himself some coffee in hopes of distancing himself from whatever was about to be said. “And you’re going to North Carolina, right?” 

“That’s right.” 

Thomas knew that hadn’t been her first choice, but even with working more than full time hours and scholarships she’d been unable to afford her first choice. She liked talking about it about as much as Thomas did, but she also knew when to be grateful for any opportunity that presented itself. Thomas hadn’t quite mastered that yet. 

“I heard Minho is going to Washington.” Thomas stiffened. Now he really wished he could be somewhere else. “I think that’s great. It’s always nice to go somewhere where you know somebody.” 

Again, they were talking like Thomas was definitely going to Washington like they so clearly wanted. They failed to remember he hadn’t come even close to making any decision, no matter how many times he had to remind them. 

“Oh, Thomas didn’t tell me he’d chosen already.” Teresa said. 

“Oh, well,” His mom started, but did not get the chance to finish before Thomas abruptly cut her off.

“Because I haven’t.” They all turned to face him like they’d forgotten he was there. Maybe they had. His parents seemed to forget his presence when they talked about college even though he was the one they were talking about. It was like they were living through him so they could have the college experience again. 

“Oh, we know that, Thomas,” His mom’s voice was kind, but only because Teresa was sitting there. He could hear an edge to her voice that indicated he should drop it. He didn’t want to, though. “I just mean if that’s the path you choose to take.”

“Right, well, _if_ that’s the decision I make, I probably wouldn’t even see him that much. It’s a big campus.” 

His mom glanced at his dad. Teresa stared at her empty plate. “I just think it would be nice for you to have a friend if you ever started feeling homesick.” 

Thomas didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He only nodded. “Yeah, it would be.” Sometimes it was easier to go along with whatever they wanted. He knew at some point he would have to stop, stand up for himself, and tell them he didn’t know what he wanted, but for now this was easier. 

The conversation switched to a dull series of small talk, but it held the tension from the prior conversation’s unresolved issues. Teresa, clearly not wanting to be in the middle of it, cut the chat short. 

“I should probably get going,” She stood up. “But thanks for having me. And for breakfast.” 

“No problem,” His dad said. “You know you’re always welcome.” 

She smiled politely and Thomas followed her into the basement where she collected her stuff. She wandered down the hall into Thomas’ room with her trailing behind her and then closed the door. 

“Okay,” She said at a lower volume than normal. “What the hell was that?” 

“What was what?” Thomas asked despite knowing exactly what ‘that’ was. 

She gave him a look that said she knew this. “Don’t play dumb.”

Thomas sighed and sat down at his desk. “They won’t admit it, but they’re convinced I’m choosing Washington. I’ve made it clear that I don’t know where I’m going, but they think I’m just saying that. They want me to go because that’s where they went.”

“You don’t want to go to Washington?” Teresa asked. 

“I never said that.” Thoma replied. “I said I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to go there because they want me to. I want to go there because I want to. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.”  
Teresa studied him before she said anything. “Just do what you want, Thomas.” She finally said. “Don’t worry about what your parents want from you.” 

It was so easy for Teresa to say that. Her mom had never stopped her from making her own decisions. Even if it was a stupid one; she said she had to learn somehow. Unless it was something that could ruin her life there was no telling her what she could or could not do. While Thomas’ parents were lenient in a lot of aspects, they were not about college or his future. They had an opinion on everything concerning it and did not like when Thomas disagreed. 

Over the years, especially in the last one, Thomas’ friends always told him how cool his parents were. They were friendly and let them come and go as they pleased and always gave Thomas money when him and his friends were doing something bigger than just coffee at Nina’s. And while Thomas agreed with that, that they were good parents, he knew that his friends didn’t see how they were beyond that. They didn’t see their anger when he got a poor mark and they didn’t see their disappointment when he took a gap year and a low-paying job at a record store. Thomas knew in a lot of ways he was lucky with the parents he got, but he felt like he was always falling just short of their expectations. 

Thomas didn’t want to talk about that right now, especially when he knew Teresa had to be heading home. So he nodded. “Right,” He said. “I know.”

Teresa smiled at him; warm and kind. It made Thomas feel a little better. She stood up now with all her stuff in her arms.

“Alright, well I’m going to sit through what will probably be a never-ending lunch. I’ll catch you later, though.” 

“For sure.” He followed her upstairs and said goodbye once more before she said goodbye to his parents and headed out to her car. Thomas watched her get in and then shut the door. He turned to head back downstairs, but his dad cleared his throat before he got very far. 

“Thomas,” He said. “Come sit down for a moment.” 

Based on the way he said it and the conversation they’d been having earlier, Thomas knew he did not want to sit down. He also knew he did not have a choice, though, so he did as he was told.  
There was a look exchanged between his parents as he sat down. He pretended he didn’t see it, but it was not subtle. He looked at them and they were now looking back at him. It wasn’t until then that he realized they were smiling. Which made him even more nervous. 

“We were going to talk to you about this at breakfast, but we figured this was more of a family discussion.” His mom said, which gave him no inkling as to what it was they wanted to talk about. “It’s about our dinner last night.” Now he was really lost. 

“You had dinner with a client.” Thomas said as confirmation. 

“No,” His dad said. “A friend in the field.” 

“You remember Alan, our friend from law school?” His mom asked. Thomas did remember. Him and his dad had met in their first year and hit it off immediately. Alan still lived in Washington - had never left - but he sometimes came around to visit. Thomas had heard plenty of stories about Alan and even more when he’d been working on his college applications. He knew his parents told him about him because they wanted him to get a second opinion. They wanted Thomas to hear about how great Washington was from somebody other than them. Unfortunately for them, Thomas had only met Alan a couple of times. He wasn’t really getting a second opinion; just his opinion diluted through his parents’ stories. It had not swayed him in the least. 

Now, though, he had a feeling he knew where this conversation was going to lead and he wanted to leave more than ever. 

“Yeah, I remember him.” He said instead. How could he forget? “What about him?” 

“Well he’s only down for the weekend for business, so unfortunately he couldn’t make time to talk to you,” His mom said. “But he obviously made time for us and he gave us some great news.” She looked to his dad. 

This, like many of their conversations with Thomas, seemed to be rehearsed. Like they sat down together and ran over some script, deciding who was to say what. It made Thomas getting a word in very hard. 

“He told us if you choose to go to Washington he could get you a job at his firm.” His dad said. “We know you aren’t going into law, necessarily, but it would be a great start. It would look great on your résumé to work at a company like that.”  
He slid a brochure across the table that seemed to have appeared from thin air. Thomas made no move to grab it so his dad nudged it a little closer. When he still didn’t grab it, only looked at the front that showed a picture of Alan shaking a client’s hand, he cleared his throat. 

“We think it would be great for you.” He said. “You’re not going to get this kind of offer somewhere else.”

“Do you really think I need a job my first year?” Thomas said. “We all know money isn’t a problem this year. Don’t you think I should be focusing on my studies first?” 

“Well, yes, but this isn’t really an opportunity you should pass up on.” His mom said. 

“Alright,” Thomas said. “Tell Alan thank you, but that I don’t know if I’ll be going to Washington.” 

Both of them sighed. They were as sick of hearing this as Thomas was of saying it. He wouldn’t have to say it if they just accepted it, but they hadn’t. 

“That’s the other thing, Thomas.” His dad said. “It’s been nearly two weeks since you received your acceptance letter from NYU and you seem no closer to making a decision.” 

“Because I’m not.” Thomas said. “It’s only been two weeks and I have until the beginning of May. That’s over a month away.” 

“But there are still so many other things you have to do in between. Wouldn’t you rather choose so you have plenty of time to do everything you need to do?” 

“Yeah, but I haven’t chosen yet. I still need time.” 

“How much time?” His dad asked. “Thomas, we’ve been patient, but you need to start making some choices.” 

Again, as if from nowhere, he slid another brochure across the table. This one Thomas did pick up. The title of the brochure was, ‘How to Pick the Right College.’ At first glance it appeared to be just a generic brochure that genuinely meant to help, but then Thomas saw the logo in the corner. UW. University of Washington. He threw the brochure back down onto the table. 

“Why do you want me to go to Washington so badly?” Thomas asked them. “Is there something wrong with the other schools I’ve picked?” 

“Of course not,” His mom said. “But we just want to ensure you have the same opportunities that we did. And we have connections in Washington that would make your time there even easier.” 

“There will be opportunities just as good at NYU or San Diego.” Thomas said. 

“Yes, but there are things you’ll get at Washington that you won’t get anywhere else.” His dad shot back. He gestured to the first brochure that still remained untouched. “Like job offers.” 

“These are all things you guys want.” Thomas said. “I never said I wanted some job at a law firm. I don’t want to live the exact life you guys did.” 

“We aren’t asking you to, Thomas. We just want you to have a life as good as ours.” His mom had gone from agitated to angry very quickly. His dad was simmering beside her. Thomas wanted this conversation to be over. He suddenly lost all the fire he’d had and slumped back in his chair. He picked up the brochures. 

“Okay,” He said. “I get it. I just want to be able to make decisions because they’re the ones I want to make. Not because you guys want me to make them.” 

Both of their faces softened, but they still seemed annoyed. He was annoyed, too. “Of course. We understand that.” His dad said. “We just don’t want you to take too long and miss out on any opportunities.” 

Thomas was sick of that word. He stood up. “I know.” He didn’t ask them if he was free to go, but he didn’t care; he wanted to leave. He went downstairs into his room and threw the pamphlets into the drawer with his acceptance letters. Just another thing he never wanted to look at again. 

It was just after noon. He didn’t work until 6, so he had plenty of time to kill and he did not want to spend it in his house. He texted Minho to find out what he was doing then went back upstairs. He almost made it out the door when his parents, who hadn’t moved, stopped him.

“Where are you going?” His mom asked.  
“I told Minho I would drop by for a bit.” Thomas said. The door was opened just a crack. He was so close to being gone, but he could tell he wouldn’t be making it any farther than that. 

They exchanged a look. Thomas hated when they did that because he almost never knew what it meant and it usually always meant something bad. 

“Maybe you should stay home this time.” His dad said. Thomas let the door fall shut and dropped his hand. He stepped back and looked at his parents from the entryway. “We just think you haven’t been spending a lot of time at home lately.” 

“I’ve been working.” Thomas said. “I hardly ever see my friends anymore.” He said it weakly, though. He knew he wasn’t winning this one. 

“It’s just one day, Thomas.” His mom said. 

“Alright, but I work tonight.”

“That’s fine.” His mom said it like he had a choice. Like they could have said no, he couldn’t go to work, either. 

Thomas held their gaze for a moment. They looked at him like they expected him to argue, but he didn’t. He didn’t have it in him. He turned and went back downstairs. 

The next five and a half hours were spent in his room. He texted Minho to tell him he couldn’t go out, but he didn’t say anything about his parents. No matter how frustrated he got with them he had a hard time complaining about them to any of his friends. Except Teresa, but he didn’t know why. Minho simply sent him back a sad face which made Thomas even angrier with his parents. He used to see his friends all the time and now it was so rare. The one time he got the opportunity his parents didn’t let him. 

Thomas spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of all the things he could have said to his parents. He imagined the arguments or comebacks he could have thrown at them in an attempt to get them to see his side. But, of course, he hadn’t said any of them; he never did. These arguments he had in his mind were the only way to keep him sane. He would never actually tell his parents half the things he thought because it would only make them angrier. He was sick of them being angry, but he was even more sick of not being able to tell them what he wanted. 

By the time Thomas had to leave for work he was thrilled to be doing so. He couldn’t stand to sit in his room for a moment longer. It was sad, he thought, that he would rather be at a low paying job where customers treated him poorly instead of at home. But this job felt like an act of rebellion against his parents and the fact that he’d never been very good at that made him feel a little more smug about being at work. It was a small victory, but it was better than being at home and way better than working for his dad. 

Thomas walked out of the house without saying bye to his parents and got into his car. He appreciated the short drive to the theater. Even if it was only 10 minutes, it was 10 minutes of peace between two very different forms of chaos. He enjoyed being by himself with only his music to keep him company. 

Still, being at work wasn’t so bad, either. Harriet wasn’t working since he’d taken this shift for her, but that was okay this time. He didn’t feel like talking much and every single coworker besides Harriet had nothing to say to him. He spent the 30 minutes before the doors opened cleaning up, something no one else would bother to do, and then unlocked the doors and worked the admissions booth. 

It was so busy that he almost didn’t realize the next group in line consisted of his friends. He’d been working on putting change away when there was a loud slam on the counter. Already in a bad mood, Thomas looked up ready to give some random moviegoer crap only to find Minho staring at him with a large grin. Right beside him was Aris. Thomas leaned forward and looked behind him to see Teresa and Newt. It was such a shock to see them standing next to each other, but maybe it meant their lunch earlier had gone well. He hoped so. 

Thomas realized he was smiling and that made him realize how grateful he was for his friends. Even in a shitty mood they could make him feel better. He noticed all four of them were looking at him and smiling which made him feel even better. He was really thankful for them. 

“Hey!” Minho said. 

“Hi!” Thomas replied with just as much enthusiasm. “Just the four of you?” 

“Yup,” Aris said. “Gally and Brenda both had stuff to do.” 

Minho and Aris paid for their ticket, followed by Teresa who smiled at him like she could tell the tension from that morning had carried over. She didn’t say anything about it, though. Newt approached him next. He was, like usual, smiling. 

“Hi.” Newt said. He slid a bill over to Thomas who traded him for a ticket. 

“Hey.” Thomas said, still smiling. He was even more aware of it now than he had been. He also remembered being at Reverie with Newt two nights prior. Were they friends now? He had Newt’s number, but that didn’t mean anything. Did hanging out the one time upgrade them to friendship status? Thomas didn’t know. He didn’t really know how new friendships worked, given in the last 10 years he’d made only one new friend. Everyone else had just been an acquaintance. 

It was clear Newt wanted to say something else, but there was a long line behind him so Thomas told him to enjoy his movie. Newt nodded and joined everyone else at concession. Thomas lingered on his group of friends for a moment too long when the next person in line spoke slightly louder than necessary to get his attention. Thomas put his friends out of his mind and resumed his job. 

It remained busy for another 20 minutes and immediately died down. Thomas stayed in his booth for another 40, trying not to think about his parents, when his coworker on concession said she was going for a smoke. Thomas abandoned the booth and made his way to concession figuring that was where he would be needed.

A few people came for snacks in that time, but Thomas mostly remained bored. Until someone came out of the hall where the theaters were and approached the counter. Thomas was surprised to find Newt standing in front of him. He stood up a little straighter and Newt propped his elbows on the counter. 

“Hey,” Thomas said. “Can I get you something?” 

Newt shook his head. “No, I’m okay.” He looked around the room. Thomas briefly wondered why he was here if he wasn’t going to buy anything, but then a thought occurred to him. Had he left the theater to talk to Thomas? 

Thomas dropped that thought as soon as he’d picked it up. It was dumb for him to even think it. 

“Is the movie not good?” Thomas asked.  
Newt shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m not really a horror movie fan, though.” 

“Oh, so why’d you come?” 

“Teresa invited me.” 

Now Thomas was confused. “Teresa invited you?” He repeated.

Newt smirked. “I know, I was surprised, too.” He glanced back in the direction of the theater as though he expected her to appear. He looked back at Thomas. “Which is why I came back out here to talk to you.”

Thomas was aware of the way his heart sped up upon hearing him say that. He pretended it didn’t. “Oh?” 

“I know you know we had lunch today,” Thomas nodded. “That’s when she invited me. Said you were the reason she invited me for lunch and invited me tonight.” 

“I am?” Thomas still felt confused. 

Newt nodded. “Apparently you made her realize how petty she was being for disliking me.” He paused. “Her words, not mine. And she wanted to fix that. So, thanks.” 

Thomas didn’t say anything at first. He knew he was the reason Teresa decided to do lunch, but he hadn’t expected her to invite him to do anything in the same day and he hadn’t expected Newt to thank him for it.

“I didn’t really do anything.” Thomas said. “I just asked her why she disliked you, she told me, and I told her she should try a little harder. She didn’t have to listen to me.” 

“But she did. And she says she’s going to.” Newt’s smile softened and it made Thomas look away. He didn’t know why. “I don’t think she likes me quite yet, but this is progress. So I say again, thank you.”

Thomas didn’t feel like he was due any credit, but Newt clearly didn’t agree. “You’re welcome.” 

Newt stood up straight and Thomas expected him to leave, but he made no move to do so. Instead he looked around the room, drinking it in.  
“So this is one of your many jobs, huh?” Newt asked. “Are you all by yourself?” 

“No,” Thomas said. “She’s having a smoke, but it’s been about 20 minutes, so…” 

“Ah.” Newt was still looking around. Thomas was looking at him, but he didn’t know why. 

“You’re missing the movie.” Thomas said after a while. “You won’t understand what’s going on when you go back in.” 

Newt looked back at him. “That’s fine. I’m here for the good company more than anything.” 

It took a coy smile from Newt for Thomas to realize he was talking about him. Thomas opened his mouth, but closed it when he found he didn’t know what to say. Newt laughed, clearly seeing how flustered Thomas had gotten. Thomas hated how easy he was for Newt to read. 

“Are you here until 11?” Newt asked. Thomas nodded. “You want to do something after or is that too late for you?” 

Thomas wanted to say yes. He was very close to agreeing, despite always being tired after working this shift, but then he remembered the events that took place at home. His shoulders slumped and he sighed quite loudly.

“A simple no would have sufficed.” Newt said. Thomas looked up, worried he’d actually offended him, but quickly realized he was just teasing him. 

“No, it’s not that.” Thomas said. “I would, but I had a bit of a fight with my parents today, so I should probably just go straight home.” 

Newt nodded. “I understand that.” He said. “Another time then.” 

“Definitely.” 

Newt paused then. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Thomas smiled, but it didn’t feel very real. “Save it for another time.” Newt smiled, too, but it felt real. Even if it was filled with sympathy.  
“Alright,” He said. “I understand that. I’m going to head back in, but I’ll try to say bye before I leave. If you aren’t too busy.” 

“Okay.” Thomas said. That was a lame response, but he found himself unable to think of anything else to say. Newt sent him one last smile before he went back into the theater. Thomas watched him walk away and watched the corner he’d turned long after he left. 

The night went by slow after that. Even when it got busy again it was still slow. As people started leaving the theater Thomas kept an eye out for his friends, but he had a line and that line demanded his full attention. He never saw them leave and he couldn’t help but be disappointed. 

When his shift ended Thomas became filled with dread. He really didn’t want to go home, but he couldn’t put it off. His parents knew he got off at 11 and if they were still upset like he was, coming home late would make it worse. At least it was late. They usually didn’t stay up much past 11 on weekends, so if they were still awake it would not be prolonged. 

There was more than one light on when Thomas got home which told him at least one of them was still awake. He sat in his car for a moment longer than necessary. He still entered the house quietly in hopes that he could avoid whoever was awake. That turned out to be impossible, though, because his dad was sitting in the living room, clearly waiting for him. 

He was sitting in the corner reading a book, but he set it down when he heard Thomas come in. He waited until Thomas kicked off his shoes to say anything. 

“Hi.” He said.

Thomas looked at him. “Hey.” He was wary. 

“Why don’t you come sit down for a moment.” His dad gestured to the chair across from him. Thomas obliged. He took a long time to say anything which made Thomas even more tense. “I want to talk to you about our conversation this morning.” 

“Okay.” Thomas agreed. It was late and he was tired. He wanted this to be over. 

“While both your mother and I understand where you’re coming from, I think you should know you hurt her feelings. She feels as though you weren’t listening to what we had to say and are not considering everything we are trying to do for you.” 

He was using his lawyer voice; calm, collected, and in charge. Thomas hated when he spoke to him like that. 

“You know that’s not what I was trying to do.” Thomas responded, trying to sound just as calm, but knowing he did not. 

“I know, but I still think it wouldn’t hurt to apologize.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong, though.” Thomas said.

His dad sighed. “You aren’t looking at it from our perspective. Try to understand how we feel.” Lawyer. 

“I understand that you want what’s best for me,” Thomas said. “But I feel like you aren’t letting me make my own decisions.” 

He sighed even louder. “Go to bed, Thomas. It’s late.” 

Thomas stood up. He didn’t need to be told twice. He left his dad sitting in the living room and went down to his room, angrier than he’d been before. He got ready for bed and crawled under the covers. He was angry. He knew going to bed angry was never a good idea, but he didn’t think there was much he could do to make himself not angry. 

Actually, maybe there was one thing. 

He grabbed his phone from his nightstand and started a new conversation. He typed out a message and read it over before he hit send. Then he read the message again, decided it sounded terrible, and rewrote it completely. He did that three more times before finally sending it. 

Thomas stared at his phone. He hadn’t been expecting an immediate response, but after 15 minutes of nothing he began regretting ever sending it. Another 7 minutes and he gave up. He turned off his phone and closed his eyes. 

When he woke up the next morning there was a text waiting for him. It had been sent 5 minutes after he’d given up the night before. It was from Newt. 

**That sounds great!** The text read. **See you Monday :)**


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay today is a much better week than the last few have been. i was really struggling with an english paper and my prof emailed saying he pushed the due date back a week and i got an 80 on a test i expected to do poorly on. anyways. good week. also, on the off chance that any of you are also canadian, happy thanksgiving! i stayed on campus since i live pretty far away so im missing my family but i had a lot of work to do so it's okay. even if none of you are canadian i hope you all have a good weekend!

It was a bad weekend. If he thought about it, there was more good than there was bad. Teresa being over on Friday night was good, as was the next morning until breakfast. Work on Saturday had been good, as well. Also the fact that Teresa was trying a little harder with Newt because of him, that was really good. But the one single bad thing seemed to make all those good things disappear; like they’d never even happened.

When Thomas woke up on Sunday he’d hoped that things would be better. That’s usually how things went with his parents; the day was bad, but the next day it was all blown over. Thomas hoped and expected that to be the case on Sunday, but it was not. He’d gone upstairs and instantly felt the tension like he’d ran into some kind of wall. His parents didn’t talk to him and he didn’t talk to them. He was glad he had to work all day, because he would not want to be at home. 

Today started out mildly better. Thomas went upstairs, now expecting the worst, and found it to be just a little bit better than that. His dad had gone to work already which left only him and his mom. That was always safer. One of them was always better than both of them. She looked at him when he walked into the room and actually smiled. It was still tense, but it was better than the day before. 

“Good morning.” She said.

“Morning.” Thomas replied with a smile just as feeble. But still, it was progress. 

“Any plans today?” It was a cautionary question. Like she was toeing the water to see how far she could go. That was how conversation usually started after they had a fight. 

“Just work.” Thomas answered with just as much caution. It was, he realized, not entirely truthful, either. He did have work, but not just work. While he so far had no plans after, he did have plans somewhere in between. 

The decision to text Newt on Saturday night had been completely spontaneous. He’d been angry with his dad, angry at his mom, angry about college, and he didn’t want to fall asleep feeling that way. He hated going to sleep angry and he’d decided there was a way to make things better. 

Obviously he had five other friends he could have chosen from, but none of them had been his first thought; not even Teresa. He instantly decided on Newt and asked him if he wanted to do lunch on Monday. He wasn’t sure why, but Newt’s enthusiasm had taken Thomas by surprise. In a good way. 

Now it was Monday and in a little over three hours he would be meeting Newt at some diner close to Nina’s for lunch. He was nervous about it. He couldn’t say why, but it felt a lot different than any of the other times they’d been alone together. Still, he was looking forward to it. Besides Friday night it was the only thing he’d had to look forward to in a while. With the weekend he had it seemed like it would be a nice distraction. 

It was still tense with his parents, but sitting with his mom, it felt more like they didn’t know how to break the ice, rather than still being angry with each other. Granted, Thomas was still annoyed as he was sure both his mom and dad were, but it was at that point where they all wanted to move past it. 

Thomas decided after work would be a better time to do that. Right now they both had to get to work and he didn’t want to be late considering it had been a week since he’d been there last. 

“I have to go,” He said, standing up. “Have a good day.”

She smiled at him, but this time it was genuine. “Thank you. You, too.” 

Thomas dealt with his dishes and headed out to his car. Once at work, he took his place behind the counter and said good morning to Jorge who managed to get the door unlocked on the first try. 

“Sorry about last week,” Jorge said. “But it was a slow one and I couldn’t justify two people being here.” 

“It’s fine,” Thomas said. “I worked for my dad.” 

“Good kid.” Jorge said. 

Jorge had warned Thomas of the unreliable hours before he’d hired him, but that hadn’t made Thomas waver. If anything it made him more willing. Sometimes it was nice going into work and being told to go home a few hours early. He didn’t, however, like when unreliable hours meant working for his dad. Like last week.  
Thomas wished he could explain to his parents why he liked working herre so much. It didn’t matter to him how simple the work was or how sporadic his schedule was; it was a good job and that’s what mattered. They’d never been able to understand it, though. They saw it as a waste of time and Thomas saw it as an opportunity. 

Although, over the weekend, Thomas had learned he and his parents clearly had a different definition of the word ‘opportunity.’ To him, this was experience; it was something to teach him. To his parents it was menial and below him. 

Thomas tried not to think about his parents as he went about his morning. He wanted to have a good day and that would not do him any good. It ended up being a lot easier than he expected, though. It was busy for most of the day with customers and the high school band teacher bringing by some instruments. Thomas found he hardly had time to sit; not that he would complain about that. 

By the time noon rolled around, though, he was thrilled to be getting out of there. Even given how good his morning had been, he was happy that it was lunch. Yet as he drove to the diner he was meeting Newt at, he began feeling nervous. There was no reason as to why, but the closer he got the more he worried. 

When Thomas arrived at the diner to find Newt not yet there, he sat in a back booth and scanned the menu. His eyes darted up whenever he heard the door open, but he’d gotten there early so he didn’t know why he was so anxious for Newt to arrive. 

It was a few minutes later when the door opened and Thomas looked up to see Newt. Thomas sat up straighter in his seat and had a tight grip on his coffee mug. He relaxed a second later, not knowing why he’d been tense to begin with. 

Newt stood in the doorway and looked around the room. He was in the process of taking off his jacket when he spotted Thomas and a smile was quick to appear on his face. Thomas felt his heart beating at that. Newt headed over to him and sat down in the opposing seat. 

“Hi.” Newt said. Thomas noticed his cheeks were flushed. It was colder than average today; even with spring just around the corner, winter held on with a tight and bitter grip. “Sorry for being late. Were you waiting long?” 

“You aren’t late.” Thomas informed him. “I just got here early.” Newt sent him a warm smile that made Thomas forget how cold it was outside.   
“Well, I tried to get here early, but work kept me a little late.” Newt said. Thomas raised an eyebrow in confusion. 

“Work?” He repeated. “I didn’t know you had a job.” 

“Yeah, well today is my first day. That’s why I was late.” 

“Oh,” Thomas said. He was suddenly feeling like he really didn’t know Newt at all. Which made sense, given they’d only met a couple weeks ago, but he’d had the opportunity. A couple of times. “So where are you working?”

“The art gallery. It’s not that far from my place.” 

Thomas never would have guessed that, but somehow hearing it sounded right. “That’s cool. What do you do there?” 

“Community outreach, mostly.” Newt answered. A waitress came over with a glass of water for Newt and took their orders. When she walked away Newt answered the question Thomas was about to ask. “Which basically just means finding ways to get the community more involved with us. Planning different events and making sure people in the city are aware of them. But I’m also going to help out with guided tours and occasionally front desk.”

“That sounds great. Good for you.” Thomas was pretty sure he didn’t sound very genuine, even though he was. He could see how passionate Newt felt about it from just the job description and Thomas admired that. He’d never found passion within any of his three jobs. As much as he liked the record store there wasn’t much he could get excited about. It was clear with Newt, though, that this wasn’t some job he’d simply picked up for the money. If what Teresa had told him was any indication he probably didn’t even need a job for the money. 

“I would say it’s good so far, but I’m only halfway through the first day. I’ve been the one getting tours today.” Newt said. 

“So you like art, then?” As soon as he said it he realized it was a stupid question. Saying someone ‘liked art’ was probably not the most dignified way to describe it. Newt, however, did not seem fazed by it. 

“I do,” He said. “Art history was my minor back at home.”   
“Really?” Thomas realized he knew nothing about what Newt studied or where he was going. “What about now?” 

“I’m still minoring in it,” Newt said. “It was only my major that changed.” 

Thomas now felt like he had to apologize. He knew nearly nothing about Newt when he probably should have learned all of this that first day they’d met. He had been too busy worrying about his own problems to care about what was going on around him. He cared now, though. He thought that had to count for something.

“I get the feeling all the questions I’m asking are things you answered the day we met.” Thomas said. 

Newt smirked. “They are. But I already know you were dealing with your own issues that day, so I don’t mind saying it all again.” 

Thomas felt relieved. “Okay,” He said. “What brought you here? You didn’t like your major back at home, so you dropped out and moved an entire ocean over. Why?” 

Newt’s smile faltered slightly, but he recovered just as quick. “Like you said, I didn’t like my major so I dropped out halfway through my second year. I hated what I was doing and I didn’t want to do it anymore so I quit. I decided maybe a change of scenery would help. My parents wanted me to move here since I had family, but I didn’t move until I found out I got in to at least one. They got me an apartment where they knew Teresa and her mom lived and said I could stay here until the fall.” 

Something within the story made Thomas feel like there was something Newt wasn’t saying, but he wasn’t going to pry. He knew what it was like to not want to talk about something and he wasn’t going to make Newt do it.

“And what happens come fall?” Thomas asked. “Where are you going?” 

“San Diego State.” 

Thomas put his cup down a little too quickly. The coffee sloshed around inside, threatening to spill over. Thomas steadied the mug and looked up at Newt who was giving him a quizzical look.

“Sorry,” Thomas said. “I don’t know why that took me by surprise. That’s just one of the schools I got accepted to.” 

Newt’s face lit up. “Is that where you’re going?” He sounded thrilled and it filled Thomas with dread. 

“I don’t know,” He admitted. “I haven’t decided where I’m going yet.” 

“That’s fair.” Newt said. “It’d be cool if you did, though.”

Thomas nodded. He wanted to get the subject off of him. “So what are you majoring in?” 

“Now? Sociology.” Newt answered. “Back at home, business.” 

“Oh,” It was the only word Thomas could think to say. 

“‘Oh?’” Newt repeated. 

“That’s what I’m majoring in.” Thomas told him.

Newt opened his mouth to say something, but their food arrived before he could. Thomas stared at his food, suddenly not feeling very hungry anymore. Newt clearly saw the look of unease on his face. 

“You know,” Newt said. “Just because I didn’t like it doesn’t mean you won’t, either. People are made different.” He waved a fry in Thomas’ direction as if to emphasize his point. 

“I know, you’re right.” Thomas said. And he knew he was, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was not something he could explain to Newt when he hardly even knew how to explain it to himself. 

Newt gave him a reassuring smile. It was not a conversation Thomas wanted to continue having and he was grateful Newt picked up on that. 

“I actually have a question that I’ve been wondering since I got here,” He said. 

“Okay,” Thomas tried to bring back some of the intrigue he’d had near the start of the meal. 

“Why is the coffee shop called Nina’s?” Newt asked. 

Thomas felt his mood shift completely at that question. Not in a bad way, but not necessarily a good way, either. It was just the knowledge he had of the place that made him feel differently when the topic was broached. He trusted Newt, though, and that made the story okay to tell.

“That was the name of the woman who used to own it.” Thomas told him. He was aware he was wearing a sad smile, but it was a sad story. “Before Teresa’s mom.”

“Did you know her?” Newt asked.

Thomas nodded. “Not for long. Her and her husband owned it together long before I was in the picture. They were the ones who built it. At the time it wasn’t called ‘Nina’s.’ It didn’t really have a name back then; everyone just called it ‘that coffee shop on 8th.’ Nina and her husband didn’t have any kids. Couldn’t have kids, and that was greatly upsetting to both of them. They looked into adopting, but it was too expensive and they were barely getting by as it was. Her husband built the coffee shop in hopes of giving something Nina to do with her time. It helped for years, but when he was about 45 her husband got lung cancer. Unfortunately, they didn’t discover it until it was too late and he passed away shortly after.” 

Thomas paused and chanced a glance in Newt’s direction. He was leaning as far forward as the table would allow him and studiously listening to every word Thomas was saying. Thomas wasn’t quite used to having that kind of attention, but he continued on. 

“Nina went a long time without running the coffee shop again. Given her and her husband had been the only employees, it stayed closed that entire time. Everyone expected it to shut down, but one morning Nina opened it up again and returned to business as usual. It was about a month after she started working again that Natalie, Teresa’s mom, stumbled in. Teresa was about 5 at the time and Natalie was unemployed, broke, and about to be evicted if she couldn’t find a job within the next week. She was also extremely shy and quiet, so this was probably the most brave she’d ever been.” 

Newt gave him a pointed look. He obviously didn’t believe that Natalie Agnes had ever been shy or quiet, given the way she was now. Thomas saw this look and nodded.  
“I know, you would never guess it now, but this was back then when her husband left her and her family bailed on her. All she had was Teresa. So she walked right up to Nina and asked her for her job. Nina hadn’t wanted to say yes since it was her and her husband’s business, but she was by herself now and struggling to do so. She also saw how terrible she looked which made her sympathize. It wasn’t until she realized there was a very small girl clinging to her leg that she gave in and gave her a job. It took a long time for Nina to come around to her because, besides being wary in general, Natalie was really quiet and had a hard time talking to customers. But she left Teresa hang out after school and every time Teresa was around she took pity and that was enough to keep her around.

“This was around the time I became friends with Teresa, so she started hanging out at my house a lot after school, and then Minho’s, and then Aris’. That was also around the time Natalie started becoming more open and less quiet. She ended up being loved by all the customers and asked for with the regulars. Sometimes all of us would hang out after school and Nina adored us. She treated us like we were the kids she’d never been able to have. We were about 6 when Nina started getting worse, though. We were too young to notice, but we look back now and it’s kind of obvious. She just missed her husband too much. She wasn’t the kind of person who could be alone and never having kids was one thing, but then her husband dying was just it for her. I know Natalie tried being there for her as much as she could, but it wasn’t enough. She died shortly after that and Natalie assumed she was going to be out of the job, but in Nina’s will she left the coffee shop and all of her belongings to Natalie. Which wasn’t that much, but it was enough for Natalie and Teresa. The coffee shop remained closed for a while; Natalie wanted to make some changes before she opened it again. The biggest thing was finally giving the place a name that commemorated the person who gave her daughter the chance at having a life. That’s what Natalie said at the grand re-opening. Considering I was only 6 I don’t remember that day very well, but I do remember her saying that. It always kinda stuck with me.” 

As Thomas finished telling the story Newt stared at him with a dumbstruck look. That was a common response. Thomas had only told the story a couple of times, but everytime he did that was generally the reaction he got. If he hadn’t had a minor part in the story he knew he would be the same.

“Wow.” Newt said after a while. “I mean, I figured there would be a story behind the name, but I really was not expecting that.” 

Thomas nodded. “Yeah, it’s kind of something we don’t talk about a lot. Not because it’s a secret, but it tends to make us all pretty sad. I was really young, but I still remember everything about Nina. She is still the kindest person I’ve ever met and even though I was only 6, I still miss her sometimes. Not as much as Natalie or Teresa, I’m sure, but I still miss her.” 

“That’s a really hard thing to go through that young, though. I’m sorry that happened to all of you.” Newt paused. “It kind of explains a lot about Teresa, too.” 

“What do you mean?” Thomas expected him to comment on how hard she was or how she wasn’t always willing to let people in - exactly how she’d been with Newt - so he was surprised by what he actually said. 

“I know I don’t know her very well, but it’s obvious that she’s kind.” Newt said. “She clearly loves her friends and mom and would do just about anything for you all. I’ve picked up on that from the few times I’ve been with her. And based on what you’ve said about Nina, it makes sense that her kindness and generosity would rub off on Teresa. Especially considering how much you said Nina loved her. If Nina’s was her mom’s way of remembering her, Teresa is like her own way of remembering her.” 

Now it was Thomas that was left dumbfounded. Out of everything Newt could have said about Teresa he was not expecting any of that. Especially given the way she had treated him since he’d arrived. He told Newt so. 

“I’m surprised you think so highly of her given the way she’s treated you.” 

Newt shrugged. “I don’t really blame her. She needed someone to blame for the life she’s had to live, and I was the closest reminder she had.” 

Thomas had to admire Newt for that. “So she told you what her issue was, then.” 

Newt nodded. “A bit, yes.” Newt paused. “So is Teresa going to keep working at Nina’s?” 

“No,” Thomas said. “She’s been working here for four years and has had other side jobs ever since so that she wouldn’t have to stay here. With all that money and the scholarships she’s received from studying her ass of, she’s done enough to get far away from here.” 

“How does her mom feel about that?” Newt asked.  
“She’s thrilled. She always said that she wanted Teresa to have a better life than she did and if that meant going far away, that’s what she would do.” Thomas felt a noticeable shift in his mood. He attempted to push it down, not wanting to ruin lunch, but it was bubbling up and he couldn’t stop the anger he felt. “Because unlike some parents, she understands that some kids want to make their own decisions and won’t force her own life onto her.” 

The resentment in his voice was unmasked. He hadn’t meant to get so angry so quickly, but it had been lurking below the surface all morning. One comment had sent it surging forward and there was no pushing it back down. Newt noticed it as well; how could he not? 

“Alright, something tells me this isn’t just about Teresa anymore.” Newt said this with caution. He didn’t know Thomas well enough to know what the proper response was. “Is something wrong?” 

Thomas fell back in his seat. “No,” He said. “I’m fine.” Although he obviously was anything but. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” Thomas checked the time on his phone. “I’m going to be late for work. I’ll see you around.” 

Thomas left Newt sitting in the booth by himself and headed to the front where he paid for his meal. He didn’t turn back around to see if Newt had moved or not. By the time he got back to work he was feeling guilty for just leaving him there with no explanation, but his anger outweighed any other emotion he was feeling. 

Jorge asked him how lunch was and he responded with a curt, “Fine.” Which it was. Actually, it had been more than fine. He’d been having a really good time until one thought had sent all the issues with his parents flying back at him. Of course. Because recently everything good in his life was ruined by the subject of his future and college and his parent’s immutable pressure. 

Not even thirty minutes into the afternoon, Jorge informed him he could go home if he wanted. Thomas didn’t even consider it. 

“I’d rather stay here, if that’s alright.” Thomas told him.  
Jorge simply shrugged. “Fine by me.” 

Thomas knew his parents wouldn’t be home for another few hours, but the idea of waiting around for them seemed unbearable. He didn’t want to be home even if they weren’t. 

The rest of the afternoon, however, was slow. And because it was slow, Thomas had nothing to do which led him to focusing on the things he did not feel like focusing on. Like Newt.

Now Thomas was feeling really guilty for leaving Newt like that. He hadn’t done anything to deserve that. The least Thomas could have done was offer him a semblance of an explanation instead of leaving so abruptly. If Newt hadn’t been off-put by all Thomas’ outwardly unfriendly behavior, he was sure to be by now. It wasn’t that Thomas was trying to appear unfriendly, because he wasn’t; he actually really liked Newt. It was just a poor time in Thomas’ life for Newt to show up. Even if he’d moved here a few months earlier he would have met a whole other version of Thomas. A version that didn’t have to deal with pressure from his parents because he didn’t have any decisions to make yet. Not this version that was constantly on-edge about a subject that was constantly being talked about. 

It wasn’t Newt’s fault that Thomas didn’t know what he wanted out of life, but he’d managed to get caught up in it. He deserved a better friend than Thomas and right now he was probably thinking the same thing. 

Thomas spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about Newt and his parents. He wondered why it was he seemed to have a knack for getting people mad at him lately. At least the rest of his friends weren’t mad at him. Annoyed from how distant he’d been lately, maybe, but not mad. Just concerned. 

Around 3:30 Jorge informed Thomas he had to leave early for an appointment. It had been a slow afternoon so getting to this point had taken a painfully long time. 

“Are you okay to close up by yourself?” Jorge asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. See you tomorrow.” Thomas said. 

Jorge said goodbye and then left Thomas by himself. It was odd, Thomas thought, that he’d been the one to leave Newt and he was the one who’d told Jorge he’d be okay by himself, but he really didn’t feel like being alone anymore. He was sick of not talking to people about what was really wrong, but that was so hard to do when he hardly even knew what was wrong. What he really wanted was for someone to tell him what was wrong so he could figure out how to fix it. Knowing that wouldn’t happen, though, Thomas would have settled for just having someone to sit next to him and say everything would all work out. Even if they didn’t know that it would. 

As if reading his mind, 10 minutes before closing, the door opened. Thomas didn’t bother looking up to see who it was, but the voice a moment later was enough to do him in. 

There was a low whistle, followed by, “This is quite the place; very old-school.” 

Thomas’ head snapped up. He knew who it was right away, but even still he felt surprised when he saw Newt lingering in the doorway with his hands buried in his pockets as he took in the store. 

“Actually it kind of reminds me of this place back home.” Newt started walking towards the counter where Thomas was now standing instead of sitting. “Of course, this place feels a lot more genuine. The one I’m thinking of is a lot more commercialized than this one.” He stopped at the counter and looked at Thomas. Then he smiled. 

Thomas was about as surprised at how Newt seemed to be just as happy to see him as he was to see Newt walk in. He’d expected neither of those things and as happy as he was for both of those things, he also still felt very guilty and very confused. 

“What are you doing here?” Thomas asked. His tone was not cold even if the words were. An afterthought informed him the better question would have been how did he know this was where he was. He’d never told Newt this was where he’d worked, so how did he know? 

“Wow, you really don’t want to see me, huh?” Newt’s tone was lighthearted to make it clear he was joking. When Thomas didn’t smile, Newt’s own faltered. “You left pretty quickly at lunch. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.” It was possibly the most concerned Thomas had ever heard him and now he felt even more guilty. 

Thomas shrugged. “Not overly,” He was surprised to hear himself being so honest. Even if it was at a question as simple as the one he’d asked. “But it’s nothing you did. Just my own issues.”   
Newt nodded. Thomas expected him to be relieved, but maybe his concern hadn’t been whether or not he’d done something wrong. Maybe he was genuinely concerned that Thomas was not okay. 

“What time are you done here?” Newt asked. 

“Five minutes.” Thomas told him. 

“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you out front.” Newt said. Thomas wanted to inquire, but Newt was already headed for the door. He didn’t say anything else as he walked out. 

The next five minutes went by slower than the entire afternoon had. Thomas did everything required at closing, but that still left him with two minutes to go. He decided that no one would be coming in, though, and locked up the backdoor. That was the door he normally exited through, but Newt was waiting for him out front so that was where he went. Thomas had to fiddle with the lock to get it to actually lock and then he scanned the street for Newt. 

A short ways down was a bright red car that looked to be fairly new. Leaning against the passenger door was Newt with his jacket tightly wrapped around him. He was staring up at the sky and had not realized Thomas was standing there. Thomas did not make himself known right away. Instead he watched Newt watching the sky. He looked profoundly interested in whatever he was seeing and it made Thomas feel a little bit better. He didn’t understand why. 

When Thomas took a couple steps forward Newt finally noticed him. He smiled and pushed himself off the car. 

“You like it?” Newt asked, gesturing to the car. “Just got it on Saturday. I don’t know a thing about cars so Natalie offered to go with me after lunch. That way I wouldn’t get ripped off.” 

Thomas looked at it. He didn’t really know anything about cars, either, but he didn’t have to to know this one was really nice. He nodded and looked back at Newt. 

“So what’s up?” He asked. 

Newt smirked. “Do you have to be home right away?” 

“No,” Thomas answered. “Not until 6.” Although he didn’t exactly know if that was true. Considering how things had been with his parents in the past few days he thought it would probably be better if he went home right away as to not make anything worse. He did, however, still feel guilty for abandoning Newt at lunch and that made his decision a lot easier. 

“Good,” Newt said. “Then get in.” 

Thomas did. So did Newt. They drove around seemingly aimlessly for about 15 minutes before Thomas finally broke the silence. 

“How did you know where I worked?” 

Newt looked at him very briefly before turning his attention back to the road. “I asked Teresa.” 

“When?” 

“As soon as I got off work.” Newt said. “Once you left the diner I left shortly after to go back to work. My shift ended at 3:30, but I spent the entire time worried about you.”

Thomas felt bad again. It was Newt’s first day; the last thing he needed was to be distracted by Thomas when it hadn’t even been his fault. 

“Sorry.” Thomas said. 

Newt waved him off. “Once my shift ended I texted Teresa to figure out where you worked. She told me, but she also told me you don’t normally finish until 4. I waited until just before then, obviously, so I could see if you were okay.” 

Thomas was silent for a moment. Then, very softly, said, “You didn’t have to do that.” 

Newt stopped at a red light and took that as an opportunity to look at Thomas for longer than a fraction of a second. He looked at him with a pitious look. Thomas, like most people, hated pity, but coming from Newt it didn’t feel like a bad thing. It felt like he really wanted him to be okay. 

“I wanted to.” He said. 

After another few minutes, Newt finally stopped the car at some park. He got out and Thomas followed suit, then continued to follow him as Newt wandered down the walking path. They stayed quiet for a while. All they did was walk.

The path went pretty far in both directions. At some point it looped back around close to the beginning and went all the way back. It followed a stream that stretched from nearly one end of the city to the other. It was pretty much frozen at the moment, but some areas had begun to thaw. Today had been really cold, though, which Thomas hadn’t fully noticed until now. He curled in on himself in hopes of finding some kind of warmth. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Newt finally asked. 

Thomas took time before answering. “I don’t know how to.” He admitted. 

Newt nodded. “I understand that,” He said. “But talking doesn’t always have to make sense in order to make you feel better.” 

Thomas pondered that for a second. “My parents both loved college,” He said. “It’s where they met each other and I know those were the best years of their lives. They both went to law school and my dad used it to start his own firm. My mom doesn’t even use her degree, but she doesn’t regret going and she loves her job now. And I’m happy that they loved it, but because of it I think they’re trying to relive their experiences through me. Which means when I applied to the same college they both went to, they’re now pushing me to go for it. It’s a good school, but the pressure is really stressful when I have no idea how to make these decisions.”

“That’s tough.” Newt said. 

Thomas nodded and continued. “I’m supposed to be majoring in business. They say that leaves me with plenty of options so I can have similar opportunities like them, but it feels like my options are being kind of forced on me. They don’t realize how much pressure they’re putting on me and they get mad at me whenever I tell them I’m struggling with it. It was so easy for them and they don’t understand why it isn’t for me.” 

It was more than Thomas expected to say, but so much less than the whole truth. There were things he hadn’t even figured out himself and those things made it hard to talk to anybody about what was going on. 

Newt looked thoughtful for a moment. “What do you mean when you say you’re supposed to be majoring in business?” Newt asked him. 

“I just mean that’s my major,” Thomas said. “It’s what my parents and I decided on when I was working on my college applications.” 

Thomas glanced at Newt. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked slightly upset. That faded when he looked at Thomas and he was left looking curious. “Is that what you want to do?” He asked.

“Of course it’s what I want to do.” It came out a lot more defensive than Thomas meant it to be, but he meant what he said. 

Newt didn’t say anything in response to that. “Pressure from your parents is hard,” Newt said. “Mine were pretty upset when I dropped out, but they got over it. If you go somewhere your parents didn’t go, they’ll get over it. Even if it upsets them at first. Good parents want what’s best for their kids.”

It was good advice. Even if it was a simple fact that Thomas already knew, it made him feel better. Maybe it was just Newt’s voice; he had a very calming one. 

Thomas stopped to toss a rock in the water where the ice had mostly melted. Both he and Newt watched the slight ripple. 

“I just don’t want to make the wrong decision.” Thomas’ voice was soft; like he didn’t actually want to be heard. 

“No one does.” Newt’s voice was just as soft; like he only wanted one person to hear him. 

They kept walking for another 20 minutes. Neither of them said anything else on the subject, but it lingered. Instead Newt talked about his job. Even after one day it was clear he loved it and that it was a good fit for him. He began talking art which Thomas didn’t understand at all, but he held onto every single word. It was a conversation he would revisit again and again, but he didn’t know that yet. 

When they got back to Newt’s car Thomas directed him on how to get to his house. Newt parked in front and let the car idle for a moment. Thomas didn’t get out. He looked into his house and could just make out his parents standing in the kitchen. He stared at them for a moment before looking at Newt who was already looking at him. He wasn’t smiling, but the timid look on his face kept Thomas’ attention just as well, if not more. He looked a little bit sad, but Thomas wasn’t sure if that was for him or for reasons of his own. 

“Do what makes you happy, Tommy.” Newt said.

Thomas blinked and his heart froze. His mind did, too, and that kept him in the car for a beat too long. He let out a breath and nodded when his mind finally caught up to him. 

“Okay,” A lame response but words were failing him. “I’ll see you later.” 

Newt smiled again. It was gentle; barely there. “Yeah, have a good night.” 

Thomas managed to get out of the car and inside his house where his parents were waiting for him. They were in the process of making dinner when he walked in, but they stopped when they saw him. 

“Hey, Thomas.” His dad said. There was no anger in it. “How was your day?” 

“Good, yours?”

“Good. Why don’t you sit down?” He did and both of them did, too. 

They didn’t even exchange their usual look before speaking, which was odd. 

“We wanted to apologize,” His mom said. “We understand that you’re struggling with this and it is a hard decision. We certainly don’t want to pressure you.” 

“That’s right,” His dad chimed in. “Our life experiences aren’t going to be the same as yours.” 

His mom reached across the table and lightly touched his hand. There was a hint of a smile, but unlike Newt’s it did not feel warm. “Do what makes you happy, Thomas.” 

The conversation ended shortly after that, at which point Thomas went downstairs. It was odd, he thought, how he had heard those same words not even five minutes before from somebody else, but it sounded so much more genuine the first time. 

As Thomas sat in his room he recalled Newt’s words. The same ones his mom just said to him. He thought of how he ended that sentence. 

Tommy. 

Thomas had never had a nickname before. There had been a teacher or acquaintance who had referred to him as ‘Tom’ on the rare occasion, but it wasn’t something he ever went by. He’d always just been Thomas. But Newt calling him Tommy? That had felt right. It felt like that was his name and always had been.

It made his heart flutter and he knew exactly why.


	9. nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pretty late and im sorry but life has me very busy. i don't have much time to write anymore which is really sad, but trust me, i haven't given up on this!! i have a week off next month so i hope to dedicate a good chunk of that time to writing this! i appreciate the patience and all the nice comments i always receive :)

The first thing Thomas thought of when he woke up the next morning was that he forgot his car at work. He’d gotten the feeling of missing or forgetting something when he’d gotten home, but it didn’t occur to him until he woke up. Actually, he was pretty sure that was why he’d woken up. The thought came to him while he was asleep and that was enough to send him into consciousness with the reminder that he had left his car at work. 

After the initial realization, Thomas rubbed a hand over his face. Half in an effort to wake himself up and half in a gesture of reaffirming what an idiot he could be sometimes. It did seem like a pretty stupid thing to do - how could he have forgotten his car? - but the rest of the thoughts that followed made it seem like less of a stupid thing to do, and more understandable given how every other event of that night left little space for anything else. 

Thomas had meant to get Newt to drop him off at work, but it had slipped his mind once he’d gotten back into Newt’s car. It was so easy to just be with him and to talk to him that Thomas had a hard time concentrating on anything else. Then when Newt called him ‘Tommy,’ everything else fell away. Even his parents telling him to sit down the moment he’d walked inside hadn’t struck any concern or annoyance. 

Even so, even with all the evidence that pointed to it, Thomas was not going to admit the obvious fact to himself quite yet. He had more pressing matters to attend to. 

Like the fact that he’d forgotten his car at work and now had no way to get there. Really it wasn’t that far of a walk, but according to the forecast it was as cold as the day before and Thomas did not feel like walking in that temperature. He could have asked his mom for a ride, but that would mean admitting why his car was still and work and he didn’t feel like doing that. It wasn’t that Newt had to be a secret, exactly; it was that Thomas wanted Newt to be a secret. Something about hanging out with him when no one else was aware of it made him feel like he was in on something. Like it was something just for the two of them. 

Also Thomas hadn’t told his parents about Newt and he thought telling them about him now would strike up a bunch of questions he didn’t have the time to answer right now. There was no reason not to tell them about him, but lately all conversation was centered around one particular discussion Thomas did not feel like partaking in. He felt guilty about it, but in the past month he’d been actively avoiding his parents, and it had only gotten worse in the last couple weeks. That was another reason he decided not to ask his mom for a ride. 

Instead, Thomas decided to brace himself for the cold walk. He made sure to put on an extra sweater and headed out early, knowing he’d need an extra few minutes if he wasn’t driving. His mom, like usual, was sitting at the table when he got upstairs and his dad, like usual, had already left for work. Why they didn’t carpool, Thomas never knew. Surely she could leave a little earlier or him a little later. It wasn’t his problem, though, so he didn’t ask. 

“Good morning.” His mom said when she saw him. “How are you?” 

“Good,” Thomas grabbed a to-go cup of coffee. “You?”

“I’m fine,” She said. “You’re leaving already? It’s a little early, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah, well, I woke up early. So.” Thomas put on some gloves. He hated the cold weather. 

“Alright, well have a good day.” She turned back to her phone. “Are you home for dinner?” 

“Actually I think a few of us are going to Minho’s.” 

“Oh, sure. Enjoy.” 

She wasn’t really listening anymore, so Thomas abandoned the conversation and headed outside. The cold air struck him right away. He desperately wished spring would get here soon, because he was tired of this weather. Actually, what he really wished was that he hadn’t forgotten his car at work. It wouldn’t be so bad if he’d been able to drive. 

Thomas arrived at the record store 15 minutes later, 5 minutes late, with his feet completely numb. He’d never been late before. He was never late for anything; a trait handed down to him from his dad. Jorge didn’t appear concerned when he walked in, but Thomas still felt guilty. 

“Sorry,” Thomas joined Jorge behind the counter. “Sorry. I left my car here last night and my parents were already gone when I got upstairs.” A lie, but Jorge didn’t need to know that. 

“I saw that when I got here this morning.” Jorge said. “How’d you manage to do that?” He didn’t tell Thomas it wasn’t a big deal, but it clearly wasn’t. It wasn’t a common occurrence so he likely wasn’t worried about it happening again. 

Thomas paused before he found a viable answer. He realized a beat too late that the truth was good enough. 

“One of my friends picked me up after work and I forgot to tell them to drop me off here instead of home.” It was weird for Thomas to say ‘a friend’ instead of calling them by their name, especially in front of Jorge, but he didn’t seem fazed. 

“Must’ve been a cold walk.” 

“Yeah, a bit.” Of course, that was an understatement. Thomas still had very little feeling in his toes and his cheeks burned from the cold wind. It was his own stupid mistake, though, so he wasn’t going to complain about it. And it was only a 15 minute walk; he’d made sure to grab his keys before he left so he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. 

In the hour that Thomas had been awake, he hadn’t had time to dwell on yesterday’s events. Now, though, there was nothing else he could do but think about it. Lunch, to start, had been really good. Going into it Thomas had forgotten how easy it was to be with Newt. There was nothing awkward or complicated about it and Thomas had forgotten that until Newt had sat down across from him. Then he fell into it as easy as he would with any of his other friends. He was sure with his lifelong friends it wouldn’t be that easy if he’d met any of them now. And it had been easy with Brenda, but there hadn’t been that immediate connection that Thomas had found with Newt. 

If Thomas was being honest, he didn’t know how to feel about that. For one thing, he knew Teresa didn’t like him much. She was starting to try a little harder, but that didn’t mean it would happen overnight. And Thomas didn’t even know how the rest of his friends felt about him. He’d hardly seen any of them lately and when he did they never talked about Newt. He didn’t want to be the only one that wanted to have him around. If his friends didn’t like Newt he didn’t want to bring him around if it was going to make everyone else uncomfortable. 

But Thomas didn’t want to stop hanging out with Newt, either. There was something about the way his heart danced when Newt called him Tommy the night before. It was something he hadn’t felt in a while and he wasn’t exactly sure if he missed it or not, but it was always exciting to have that feeling again after a while. Thomas just wasn’t sure if he was entirely thrilled about that feeling being directed at Newt; his best friend’s cousin whom she did not like. 

Still, it was not something Thomas felt like focusing on, so he put his attention into the store. Which actually ended up being fairly busy. So much so that by the time he got back from lunch, it was obvious he would be needed for the rest of the day. Which was a nice distraction. 

Shortly after four, Thomas got into his car and headed to Minho’s. He parked behind the truck that he knew to be Gally’s and approached the house. After knowing Minho for as long as he did, he knew how things went. He knocked on the door and waited a beat before letting himself in. That’s how it was at everybody’s house; there was enough familiarity that waiting to be let in was no longer necessary. Except at Brenda’s. It had nothing to do with her not being around as long as them, but with her parents who found it disrespectful to not wait before someone opened the door. That was one of many reasons why Brenda preferred being at Jorge’s. 

Thomas entered Minho’s house now and followed the sound of voices coming from the living room. There he found Minho and Gally huddled around a textbook and arguing about the equation for something Thomas was thoroughly uninterested in. He sat down in a chair next to the couch they were sitting on and waited for them to finish up. It was only a few more seconds before Gally threw up his hands in defeat and turned to Thomas with a weary look on his face. 

“Hey,” He said with an equally weary tone. “How’s it going?” 

“Better than you, I think.” Thomas answered. Minho finished jotting something down in a notebook before he threw everything onto the floor beside the coffee table. 

“We have a test tomorrow and our professor is an idiot.” Minho said as a way of greeting. Thomas raised an eyebrow and Gally nodded in agreement. “Anyways, what’s going on with you? Work all day today?” 

“Yeah, full day.” Thomas said. “Hasn’t been happening a lot lately.”

“You’re lucky, dude,” Minho said. “I would kill to have a half day.” 

“Yeah, but then my parents get all annoyed that I’m not working enough. They say I should have a stable job that offers me regular hours and actually benefits me or furthers my role in society.” Thomas said. 

Gally laughed. “That’s a direct quote, isn’t it?” 

“Practically. They probably had better grammar than me, though.” All three of them laughed. “Are your parents here?” Thomas asked, realizing he had neither seen nor heard them since arriving. 

“No, they’re out of town for a couple days.” Minho said. “I figured it would be the perfect opportunity for a guy’s night. I ordered a couple pizzas; Aris is picking them up before joining us.” 

“Sounds good.” Thomas said. 

They turned on the TV after that and sat quietly until the doorbell rang. No one made a move to get up and were not surprised to see Aris walking into the room a moment later carrying a couple boxes of pizza. He set them down on the coffee table and sat beside Gally at the end of the couch. 

“Hey,” He said. The other three all said hi. “Sorry I’m late. I have a test tomorrow and my mom insisted I study for it before I do anything else.”

“Don’t apologize,” Gally said. “You’re the one who brought the pizza.” Aris laughed. Half of one box was already picked through while Gally helped himself to the other. Conversation came to a halt once again, but no one seemed to care as they helped themselves to the pizza. 

When they all seemed to be done eating, Minho broke the silence by turning to Thomas. “I hear you’ve been hanging out with Newt.” 

There was nothing accusing or angry in his tone - simply observational - but Thomas still felt like he’d been caught doing something wrong. It was the same way he felt when Teresa asked him what he’d been up to and the answer had been hanging out with Newt, but this time it didn’t feel so much like a betrayal, rather than lying. Which he still didn’t feel great about, but also not so bad, either.   
“Who told you that?” Thomas asked. Minho pointed at Aris which caused the attention to shift to him. 

“My brother told me,” Aris said. Thomas raised an eyebrow, unsure how his brother would know it was Newt he’d been hanging out with. Yeah, he’d seen them together at Reverie, but he had no way of knowing who Newt was. “He said you were at the club last week with some tall, blonde guy. Newt is the only tall blonde guy I know, so I just kind of assumed.” 

There was no point in lying about it. “You assumed right,” Thomas told him. Then, as if he had a reason to be defensive, “None of you guys ever want to go with me and Newt said he wanted to hang out. It was the first thing I thought of.” 

“Teresa also told me that yesterday he texted her asking her where you work. I kind of assumed that meant you guys were friends now.” Minho said. 

Thomas considered that. If he was being honest he’d never really thought of them as friends before, but thinking about it now it was clear that’s exactly what they were. It made him happy to think about, but also made him aware that his friends might not be. 

“Yeah, I guess we are.” Thomas admitted. “He’s a nice guy.” 

“I hung out with him a couple times,” Minho said. “He is really nice. I just wish him and Teresa got along better.” 

“She told me she’s trying to fix that.” Thomas said. 

“She did?” Gally asked. “When?” 

“Saturday. She spent Friday night at my place and we talked about why she didn’t like Newt. The next day she informed me she was going to try a little harder with him. That’s why she invited him to the movies that night.” 

“That’s why? I thought he overheard her making plans so she invited him out of pity.” Aris said. 

“Well that’s what she told me.” Thomas said. “I’m not trying to keep secrets from her, but I haven’t told her I’ve been hanging out with him. I kinda felt like I was betraying her.”   
Minho nodded. “I get that, but she probably wouldn’t appreciate finding out you were lying to her.” He was right and Thomas knew it. He felt bad lying to her, but he didn’t want her to be upset. Obviously she would be more upset about him lying, but he’d been having a hard time bringing it up. Next time he saw her, though, he would let her know. It would be easier now that she was trying to get along with Newt. 

“I also heard,” Minho said, clearly changing the subject. “That you decided on Washington.”

Now Thomas felt himself get angry. It started with a pang in his chest, followed by his skin going hot and a general feeling of exhaustion that he had to keep clarifying that he had not made a decision. 

“Who’d you hear that from?” Thomas asked, trying to keep his voice level. He was pretty sure it was not working, and even if it was, his friends knew him too well to see past it. 

“My mom. She said she saw your mom at the grocery store a couple days ago and that’s what she said.” He said it warily, clearly seeing the anger Thomas was now feeling. It wasn’t his fault and the anger certainly wasn’t directed at him, but he didn’t know that. 

“Well I haven’t.” Thomas said. His voice shook. “I haven’t made a decision, nor have I come anywhere close to making one.” A long pause followed his seething words. No one knew how to address the situation because no one understood what was going on. It was Aris that asked first. 

“Is something wrong, Thomas?” 

Thomas looked at him and sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m just really fed up with my parents. No matter how many times I remind them I haven’t come to any sort of decision they keep telling everybody they know that I’m going to Washington. Just like them, so I can have all the opportunities that they had and have the same great college experience like they had.” His friends exchanged looks that Thomas pretended to ignore. 

In a slightly calmer voice, Thomas continued. “I don’t even like talking about it, but it’s all they want to talk about.” 

“Have you told them that?” Minho asked.

Thomas scoffed and then immediately felt bad. He had to remember not to take it out on his friends. “I’ve tried, but every time I do we end up arguing. It’s not easy telling them how I feel.” 

“It’s usually so easy with your parents, though.” Gally said. 

“Yeah, not when it comes to college. This is an area of my life that they expect a lot from me and apparently the effort I’m putting in isn’t enough for them. They don’t think I’m taking it seriously.” 

“That sucks, man.” Gally said. The mood had shifted and now felt very somber. Thomas felt like this was partially his fault.

“Yeah, it does. But I’ve decided to do whatever makes me happy and if they don’t like it, they’ll get over it eventually.” Thomas realized, as he was saying it, he was repeating the advice Newt had given him the night before. He wasn’t sure what to think of that; especially since his mom had told him the same thing minutes later and it hadn’t felt near as genuine coming from her. 

“And what would that be?” Minho asked. 

“What?” 

“What’s going to make you happy?”

Thomas didn’t have an answer to that. He didn’t know; that was his whole problem. He had no idea what decision was going to make him the most happy and it felt like there was no one to help him with that. He was the only one who could possibly know that and he didn’t. Which left him where he always was these days; stressed and exhausted. 

“I don’t know yet.” Thomas answered, sounding far more content with that fact than he actually was. 

“Well, you’ve still got time.” Aris said. And he was right, but it wasn’t enough. He didn’t think he would find the answer to the question ‘what would make him happy’ in the timeframe he’d been given. 

The rest of the night went better. They steered clear from the subject of college, clearly picking up on the animosity it brought upon Thomas, and found other things to talk about. They always did. It seemed that after being friends with all these people for as long as he had, they would run out of things to talk about. But that had never been true. They never failed to find something else to discuss, and if they struck a lull it was rarely an awkward one. They didn’t always have to be talking and that made being together, with any of them, so much easier. 

The night was cut short when Minho realized he had no idea what his test the following day was about. Gally promised to stay and help him and Aris decided he should probably be studying for his own test. Thomas, uninterested in studying, figured he would go home. He was simply glad they’d finally been able to hang out again after so long. He missed that and knowing in a few months they would be able to do that even less made these nights that much better. 

Thomas tried to think about being away from his friends as little as possible. He hated the idea of moving so far away from all of them when he’d spent his entire life being a short car ride away. Thinking about being across the country, or even just a few hours, made him even more anxious for the fall. There were times, though, when it became unavoidable. Especially nights like this one where all he wanted to do was be with his friends he thought about how much he hated that they were going to be separated. 

Driving home now, Thomas shook those thoughts aside. He didn’t want to worry about any of that when he already had other issues to worry about.

Said issues were sitting at the kitchen table in the form of his parents when Thomas got home. It was long past dinner which meant they were probably waiting for or discussing him; likely both. Thomas thought about how frequent this setting had become and the very idea of the kitchen table had begun making him annoyed. 

“Hi,” He said when he walked in. 

“Hey, Thomas.” The sentence was written on his mom’s face and Thomas could read it very clearly without her having to say it. He sat down. 

“I know we just put this whole thing past us, but something came to our attention when we were talking at dinner.” It was typical of his mom to start a conversation like this. Never any introduction or questions about his day. It was nearly always straight to the matter at hand. Then, like the tag team they were, his dad continued. 

“We know we’ve discussed this with you before and you haven’t taken it very seriously, but we really think you should now.” Lawyer voice. Thomas despised that voice. He wanted to remind his dad that he was his son, not a client. “Your mother and I are worried you aren’t taking college very seriously.” His mom jumped in like they’d rehearsed this conversation before he got home. Thomas wouldn’t put it past them. 

“We think it’s because of your jobs.” She said. “We could understand one of them, but both of them simply distract you. We think it’s hard for you to remember what it is you want when you have it so easy at those other places.” 

Normally, when they got going like this, Thomas waited until they lost their stride. But now he was sick of waiting to hear what they thought he was feeling.

“What are you talking about?” Thomas asked. They shot each other a look that Thomas could actually define. It was annoyance. 

“We want you to quit one of your jobs, Thomas.” His dad said. Thomas was not surprised by this statement. They had been subtly suggesting he quit one of his jobs for ages now, so he’d seen this moment coming, but even being prepared didn’t help him to not feel angry. 

“What do my jobs have to do with anything?” He tried not to let his anger show yet. Not until they wouldn’t pay attention to what he was saying, leaving anger to be the only thing left. 

“They’re distracting, Thomas. They’re too easy and they make you get comfortable. You’ve seen how many people work at the theater that have been working there since high school. Do you want that to be you?”

The question was clearly rhetorical because his dad interjected before Thomas could even think up a response. 

“Your priority needs to be college and you can’t very well focus on that if you’re surrounded by people who never went.”

Thomas wanted to point out that someone needed to do those jobs his parents took for granted, but he knew it wouldn’t help his case in the slightest. He stayed quiet. 

“We know we said we would try to be more patient, but we realized maybe that wasn’t the problem. The problem is how much time you spend in places that aren’t going to get you anywhere. If you spend too much time in places like that, you’ll lose all the drive you have to do anything.” 

Now it was Thomas’ turn to speak; he was perfectly aware of that. He started out slow. “The problem is that it’s a hard decision.” He kept his voice calm so they would listen to what he was saying. “It’s a lot of pressure to put on an 18 year old kid and I don’t want to make the wrong choice.” 

“We understand that,” His dad said. “But you aren’t alone in this process. You have us; you have friends who are going through the same thing. There are people you can turn to, Thomas, and we wish you would stop pushing us away.” 

“I don’t feel like I can turn to you, though. You both expect me to go to Washington and everytime I suggest I’m considering anything else, you push these Washington brochures on me. It feels very smothering and it makes this process even harder.” 

Despite the calm manner he maintained, his parents still looked like they’d been hit. Like he’d insulted them and all they stood for. His mom leaned back in her chair and took in a long, shaky breath. 

“We just want you to have the same-”

“-the same opportunities as you. I know; I’ve heard it before.” He was having a hard time hiding his frustration now. They were, too. “But I can find opportunities just as good at other schools. It doesn’t have to be the same place you both went.”

“Why do you hate the idea of Washington so much?” His mom said it like she meant to say, ‘Why do you hate us so much?’ Thomas often wondered if those two things were interchangeable. 

“I don’t,” His voice was louder now. “I never said I do. I told you the other day, I want to make my own decisions. I don’t want to make decisions because they’re the ones you guys want me to make.” 

“This is getting off track!” His dad stood up, sending his chair a couple feet backwards. He collected himself before speaking again, but Thomas could still hear the anger. “Thomas, you are going to quit one of your jobs. I don’t care which, but you will give your notice to one of them by the end of this week.” 

“No.” 

It was the bravest he’d ever been with his parents. He always complied when it came to stuff like this because it was so much easier than an argument. But he was done with that; he was going to argue. 

The look on his dad’s face, however, was enough to make him momentarily regret it. He’d never seen that look in either of his parent’s eyes and it nearly made him afraid. 

“Excuse me?” The words were drawn out. “‘No?’ What do you mean ‘no?’” 

“I mean I know what my problem is and it isn’t either of my jobs. It’s the pressure that makes these kinds of decisions impossible. I don’t want to quit.” 

His dad narrowed his eyes. Thomas thought he was going to yell some more, but instead he just sighed and shook his head. “Pick one, Thomas.” He sounded defeated, but Thomas knew it was him that was going to lose. It always was. “Either pick a college by the end of next week or quit one of your jobs.” 

He walked away after that. He stomped up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door. Thomas recognized his dad had given him an extra week to make a decision, but this was not a victory. That was made abundantly clear when he looked at his mom who still remained sitting. 

She had tears in her eyes. None had fallen, but her eyes were glossy and if she blinked, they would fall. Thomas looked away so he wouldn’t see it. He heard her chair sliding back and heard her walking away, but he still didn’t look until he heard the bedroom door close once more. It was much quieter that time, but still a lot louder than usual. 

Thomas sat at the table for a while longer; he wasn’t sure how much. His first thought was to go downstairs and stay there for the rest of the night, but then he felt a sharp pain in the palm of his left hand. He looked down, surprised to see he’d been holding his keys this whole time. And he’d been holding them so tightly it broke the skin of his hand. It was just a small cut, but it looked like it was about to start bleeding. Thomas stared at the cut for another moment before making a completely different decision. 

When Thomas closed the door, he did so much gentler than either of his parents had. The only reason being he didn’t want them to hear him leave. If they did and bothered to go downstairs, they would stop him from doing so and he couldn’t stand to be in the house any longer.

It was weird, he thought, how often he’d felt that way recently. For most of his life he’d always been happy to be at home. He was comfortable and felt like his parents respected him enough that he never worried about being at home and never dreaded going home. In the last couple months, though, that had changed. A lot had changed between him and his parents in the last couple months and he’d begun to worry that was just how it would be from now on. 

Thomas got into his car and drove away. He hoped his parent’s room being on the other side of the house would buy him some time before they noticed he was gone. Where he was going to, he wasn’t entirely sure. He hadn’t thought about that before leaving; only that he had to leave. He realized driving when he was this upset was probably not the best idea, but he didn’t want to wait around for someone to pick him up and it was still too cold to walk around. So he risked it; stupid decision, or not. 

It was already getting late by the time he left his house, so he knew he probably didn’t have a lot of time to be gone. He hoped neither of his parents would feel bad for how their conversation went and decide to go downstairs to apologize. 

Thomas laughed out loud after thinking that. It wasn’t like his parents to recognize when they were in the wrong. He decided not to worry about getting caught and instead focused on where he was going.

Although he still didn’t know where that was. In the next hour he drove all over the city. He drove past Nina’s and the record store first, then past all of his friend’s houses. Including Jorge’s. Brenda was over there as often as she was at her own home. All of his friend’s vehicles were parked outside their homes which meant Thomas could likely stop by at any of their places and they wouldn’t hesitate to let him in. But somehow none of them felt like a comfort to Thomas right now. It was odd for him to feel that way, but thinking of telling any of them what had happened made him feel worse. He kept driving. 

Until he stopped. Thomas wasn’t entirely aware of where he’d stopped until he was already pulling over, but when he was, he scoffed. The building was as opulent as Thomas remembered. He wondered how a person barely older than him could live in a place so dignified. Thomas’ family had decent money, but that didn’t compare to a place like this. His place didn’t compare to Newt’s. 

Thomas wasn’t exactly sure how he ended up at Newt’s, but he wasn’t really surprised by it, either. Thinking about it, he realized this was the only place that made sense to him right now. Of course, he also began to regret even coming here as soon as he did. 

Newt didn’t know he was going to be here; Thomas didn’t even know he was going to be here until a few seconds ago. He might not even be home, or if he was he would probably be too busy for Thomas. Thomas also realized he didn’t even know which apartment Newt lived in. How did he expect to get in if he didn’t know which one to go to?

Thomas didn’t know how long he sat in his car with it running. It was a waste of gas, but he didn’t care. He kept thinking he should probably go back home before his parents noticed he was gone. If they even did. But even if they didn’t they were already beyond mad at him. He certainly didn’t want to make it worse by sneaking out. He was just about to change gears when a car pulled up behind him. 

The headlights in Thomas’ rearview mirror were enough to make his vision blurred for a moment. All he could see was a blinding white light. He thought it best to wait until he could at least see again. He blinked a few times and the headlights went off. He blinked a few more times and the door opened. It was only when he could see again that he realized he knew that car and he knew the person getting out of the car. 

Thomas made it a point to not look as Newt stepped out of his car and onto the sidewalk. He looked out his window and stared straightforward until he was certain Newt would be out of sight. When he looked back, however, Newt was standing a mere few feet away from his car looking right at him. When he realized Thomas was looking, he gave a hesitant wave which Thomas did not return. 

Instead, Thomas stayed in his car for another minute. He should not have come. He should have stayed at home or gone to Teresa’s. He could have talked it out with her or her mom and then gone home feeling much better. He should not have come to Newt’s. 

Newt still stood on the sidewalk watching Thomas. He realized Newt was not going to move until he got out. Thomas sighed and took his keys out of the ignition, took off his seatbelt, and then stepped out of the car. He moved to the other side, but did not get any closer to Newt. Instead he leaned against the passenger door of his car with his arms crossed and watched Newt in the same way he had been watching Thomas. 

Newt took a couple steps forward. He looked like he was going to say something, but no words came out. Thomas understood that feeling. 

Finally, “Have you been here long?” Newt asked, as though they’d had plans to meet up and he’d simply arrived late. Thomas shook his head and then he shrugged. He didn’t really know if he’d been here long. “Do you want to talk about it?” Newt asked, as though he knew exactly what had happened. Thomas shook his head and then shrugged. The truth was he didn’t know what he was doing here. Actually, he hadn’t even meant to come here, but it made sense once he had. He just didn’t know if he’d subconsciously come here to talk, or if it was because Newt had a way about him. 

What it was, exactly, Thomas didn’t know. Whatever it was was actually kind of overwhelming; especially right now. Right now when Thomas was angry that he didn’t know how to make his parents listen to him when they so stubbornly refused to do so. He was angry that his dad treated him like he was someone in a courtroom rather than his son and he was angry that his mom seemed to think it was okay to speak for him when all she was speaking was lies. He was also angry that it seemed so hard to talk to his friends about everything that was happening. Even telling them the bare minimum required a lot of energy that he did not have; he couldn’t imagine telling them the whole truth. But these were people he’d mostly known all his life. They were supposed to be the easiest ones to talk to, and yet they weren’t. 

And right now Newt was looking at Thomas like he knew exactly how he was feeling. Like he understood every thought that was spiraling through his mind; even the ones completely intangible. Ones Thomas had never been able to figure out for himself. But Newt looked at him like he knew and it made Thomas want to tell him everything and that was as scary as telling his parents that he had no idea what it was he wanted. 

Newt took another cautious step forward and Thomas’ eyes, much like his mom’s earlier that evening, filled with tears. Unlike his mom, those tears fell. It was only a couple that rolled down his cheeks. Once those vanished, all the unfallen ones in his eyes did as well. But he still felt it. The burning in his eyes and the weight in his chest that had been dragging him down for months remained imperishable. He thought, perhaps, the latter always would. 

But right now the burden subsided. Right now, with Newt standing in front of him, it felt like his worries weren’t so substantial. And because of that, when Newt opened his arms, Thomas let himself step into them.


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good news! i'm at home for a week, so hopefully i will be able to do a bit more writing. and christmas is in a month (obviously) and i'll be home for a few weeks then, so that'll be time for me to work on this, as well. i make no promises, but i do have hope :)

There was something different after that. It wasn’t blatant, and it certainly wouldn’t be noticeable to anybody else, but it was noticeable to Thomas and he knew it was noticeable to Newt. He couldn’t even really say what was different; only that it was. And he was pretty sure it was a good thing. 

That night, when Thomas had gone over to Newt’s, he’d let himself be comforted by him for a moment before considering how odd the situation was. He’d stepped away from Newt and looked pretty much everywhere but him. It was only when, after giving Thomas time to regain some composure, Newt asked, “Are you okay?” that Thomas looked at him again. Newt hadn’t looked uncomfortable; he looked concerned, but not uncomfortable. The gentle expression he held had been enough to put Thomas’ mind at ease. 

“Just another fight with my parents,” Thomas said. It had been the first thing he’d said since arriving. “I got angry and didn’t know where else to go. I didn’t even think about whether or not you’d be home.” 

Newt shrugged, managing to look nonchalant and concerned at the same time. “Not a big deal,” He said. “Sorry for not being here.” 

“It’s not like you knew I was coming,” Thomas said. “I didn’t even know I was coming until I was here.” 

Newt smiled, but it was clearly forced. Again, not out of awkwardness, but because he was clearly still worried about Thomas. The fact that Newt cared enough to be worried about him was enough to make Thomas flustered again. The reasoning was much different this time. 

“Do you want to come up?” Newt asked, gesturing to the building. “I could get you a drink and we could talk about it. Or not talk about it. Whatever you want.” Thomas wanted to say yes and came close to doing so, but thought better of it. 

“I probably shouldn’t,” He said. “My parents don’t know I left and if they find out I’m gone they’ll be even angrier than they already are. I don’t really want to give them another reason.” 

“That’s fair.” Newt said. He took a step closer to Thomas and put a hand on his shoulder. Thomas felt it in his toes; he felt it in the way his heart began beating a little faster. “Call me if you feel like talking.”

Thomas smiled and despite the night’s events, it wasn’t hard to do. “Thanks, Newt.” 

Newt smiled; an easy, genuine smile. “Goodnight, Tommy.” 

Thomas got back into his car and waved to Newt who hadn’t moved from the sidewalk. He was still standing there when Thomas drove away. 

The next day when Thomas went back to work after lunch, Jorge informed him there was a ‘tall, skinny British kid’ waiting for him. Even though there was only one person that fit that description that knew Thomas, he still tried not to get his hopes up. Just in case. But, sure enough, when Thomas wandered to the back corner of the store, he found Newt sifting through some old records. 

There was an immediate surge of anxiety upon seeing Newt. Mostly because he was afraid it was going to be weird after the night before, but also for a reason Thomas still didn’t want to put a name to quite yet; no matter how obvious it was. 

Thomas, wanting to alleviate some of the awkwardness he was already feeling, decided to be funny about it. 

“Oh, that tall, skinny British kid.” If it had been anybody else, the joke likely would have fallen flat. It probably wouldn’t have been that funny. But Newt, as Thomas knew, made everything easy. Case in point, he was already smiling when he turned to face Thomas. It was a lopsided grin with a quirked eyebrow, and seeing it made Thomas smile as well. 

“I’m sorry, were you expecting a different tall, skinny British kid?” Newt asked. 

“Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting you.” And that was true. Thomas hadn’t expected to see Newt for a while; he was pleasantly surprised. 

“So sorry to disappoint.” He approached Thomas and, in a slightly more serious tone, said, “I just wanted to check up on you. Make sure you were doing better today.” 

Just like the night before, knowing that Newt cared so much about how Thomas was doing affected him in a way he really couldn’t explain.   
“Thanks,” Thomas managed to say. “I am doing better.” Only because both his parents had left before Thomas had even woken up, but Newt didn’t need to know about the details. 

“Glad to hear it.” He checked the time on his watch. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but my lunch is just about over. I would have stopped by at a different time, but I wasn’t sure when you were on lunch.” 

“Oh, well I didn’t expect you to come by at all, so it’s fine.” 

Newt took off shortly after that and Thomas, like Newt had the night before, remained watching as he left. 

The difference had been subtle then, but Thomas still noticed it. The way they’d greeted each other had been more than pleasantries and it had been comfortable despite the reason for Newt’s visit. 

Thomas didn’t see or talk to Newt for the next three days. Not out of avoidance or awkwardness, but he’d actually been busy at work this week and he knew Newt was fairly busy with his new job. There were several times Thomas had thought about texting him a few times, but it was always either at a bad time or, in one case, a problem of nerves. 

Now, though, he had to push his nerves aside. Minho’s birthday had been on Thursday and, in honor of it, everyone managed to rearrange their schedules so they could all hang out Friday night. It had been in the works for a couple weeks and Thomas had been looking forward to it; they all had. Everyone missed hanging out on the regular, so a night like this one was always something to celebrate; birthday or no birthday. 

When Friday night came around Thomas was thrilled to be getting out of the house for an evening unrelated to work. Things had been tense with his parents all week - all month, really, but it had gotten much worse this week - and he avoided seeing them as much as he could. He was sure they were doing the same. 

As soon as Thomas’ parents got home from work that evening he’d disappeared in his room until Brenda texted him to say she was waiting for him outside. He wasn’t sure where they were, so he shouted out that he was leaving before slipping out the door. Thomas slid into the front seat of Brenda’s car, more than happy to be out of his house. 

“Hey,” She said. “You doing okay? You look stressed?” 

Possibly not the most conventional greeting, given they hadn’t seen each other all week, but it also didn’t feel like an unusual way for his friends to greet him these days. Maybe that was sad, but he didn’t care anymore. 

Because of this, he waved her off. “I’m fine. It’s just been a little tense with my parents this week. They’re still on my case about college.” 

Brenda, having heard this a lot lately, knew not to get into it any further. “Alright, well if you ever want to talk about it…” They both knew he didn’t, but it was still thoughtful. 

Thomas smiled. “Thanks,” To ensure that they would stop talking about it, Thomas switched the subject completely. “I’m so excited for tonight. When was the last time we all got to do something like this?” 

Brenda smiled, too. “I know. I’ve been looking forward to this for so long. My parents almost made me stay home, but there was no way I was going to let them do that.” 

It went unsaid, but Thomas knew that implied a lot of persuading on her part. Things like this usually did. He was glad she was here, though, and not just because she was his ride in case he drank a little too much. She parked a moment later and they both stepped out of the vehicle. 

The restaurant they were all meeting at for dinner was, of course, Minho’s favorite and a little more money than they were all used to spending. But with it being Minho’s birthday and a night they were all together, none of them objected. 

Brenda and Thomas entered the restaurant and the hostess led them to the table where half their party was already waiting. Minho saw them first and waved ecstatically which made both Teresa and Newt look up at them. They both smiled upon seeing Brenda and Thomas approach, and Thomas found he was already smiling. 

Up until yesterday Thomas hadn’t even known Newt would be joining them. He’d never mentioned anything about the party around Newt because, even though he wanted him there, he knew it wasn’t his place to invite him. But when he’d been texting with Brenda the night before to confirm plans she’d informed him Minho had invited him a week ago. Another reason for Thomas to look forward to the night that was now upon them. 

Thomas sat next to Minho, directly across from Newt, and Brenda joined Teresa who sat closer to Newt than she would have a couple weeks ago, but still not directly beside. It was progress, nonetheless, and Thomas was happy to see it.   
There was a scatter of greetings followed by Gally’s and Aris’ entrance, leading into another round of greetings. Minho launched into a story when everyone settled in and as much as Thomas tried to pay attention, he couldn’t. He started out invested, but one quick glance away from his friend brought him in direct eye contact with Newt. Thomas had been slightly taken aback by that and had stared back a little longer than necessary. Newt had been the first to look away and the only reason Thomas even had, but for the duration of Minho’s story Thomas could feel Newt glancing at him. He didn’t know how he knew, but he could just tell every time Newt cast a glance in his direction. Even though every time Thomas looked back, Newt was no longer looking. But there was a smug smile on his face that confirmed Thomas was not imagining it. 

It didn’t take long, though, for Thomas to fall into the easy rhythm of being with his friends. This was exactly where he felt comfortable and he missed it more than he even knew. The meal was full of conversation with everyone talking over each other, but no one being upset about it. They were loud and happy, and obnoxious to everyone else in the restaurant, but they didn’t care. It had been too long since they’d been able to hang out like this and they were going to enjoy every moment of it. 

After everyone ate they drove to Minho’s to commence the second half of their night. Despite it being his house, Minho was the last to arrive and as his parents were gone for the night - to give him and his friends their space - everyone had to wait around outside for him to arrive. 

The majority of the group, having congregated to the curb, waiting to spot Minho’s car coming down the street, left Thomas sitting alone at the front door. He wasn’t alone for long, though, because once he realized Thomas wasn’t standing with them, Newt retreated back to the house and joined Thomas on the front step. 

“Hey,” Newt said. He smiled at Thomas and Thomas smiled back. It was easy and it was different and Thomas was pretty sure he was glad that it was. 

“Hi,” Thomas replied. “Are you having a good time?” 

Newt nodded. “Yeah, it’s nice to see you all in your element. All of you together like that. It felt familiar; even if it wasn’t familiar to me.”   
Thomas tried not to smile at that because he recognized it was a slightly sad statement. He didn’t want Newt to feel left out, but it had to be hard to be the stranger amongst a group of lifelong friends. But hearing what he said, how close he could tell they all were, it made Thomas happy. Knowing he had something like that and friends like he did. 

“Yeah,” Was all Thomas said. “I’m glad you came.” 

“Me, too.” There was a small lull. Newt glanced at everyone still standing by the sidewalk and Thomas looked, too. Brenda was looking back at them and Thomas wasn’t sure he could interpret the look on her face. When she looked away, Newt looked back at Thomas. “So, how are you doing?” 

It seemed like a standard question, but Thomas knew what he was really asking. Which was why he hesitated before answering. 

“It’s been a rough week,” He admitted. “I haven’t spoken much to my parents, because I know we’re going to end up fighting again. I’m really sick of fighting.” 

“I get that. Just remember that this is your life. Don’t do something that’s going to make you unhappy.” 

It was pretty much the same advice he’d given Thomas earlier that week, but somehow it still felt just as encouraging. He was really glad Newt was here. He didn’t say anything else, though, because Minho pulled up and let them all in. Brenda walked past Thomas as they entered the house and cast him a look, but she said nothing.

Everyone gathered into the living room where Minho had already procured enough alcohol for all of them - minus Brenda - to get drunk. It started with a sea of voices, toppling over one another, and drinks being passed around and bottles quickly emptied. Music was turned on at some point, the songs being switched before they could even get to the first chorus until they were all too buzzed to care what they were listening to. It eventually became background noise as they all settled around various places in the living room. 

Thomas was sitting on the floor with his back slumped against the couch. Teresa sat on the couch behind him with one leg dangling beside him. He leaned his head against her knee and closed his eyes. He was drunk now, but he felt perfectly okay to just sit there. All of them did.

There were about three separate conversations being had and Thomas found himself bouncing around each of them. At one point, he noticed Teresa and Newt in a conversation that they both seemed to be enjoying. There was still an apparent unease, but it was still a willing conversation and it made Thomas happy to see. Newt, who was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room, happened to glance at Thomas in that moment. He’d been in the middle of a laugh when he caught Thomas’ eye. It faded into a slight smile when he realized. Thomas wished he was sitting closer. 

Thomas considered moving closer when Minho, sitting on the other side of the couch, said his name. Both Thomas and Newt turned in his direction, which seemed to be everybody else’s primary focus, as well. 

“-that girl who we were both into in the fourth grade.” Thomas, now tuned in, tried to piece together what Minho was talking about. “Remember? She only lived here for a year and we both liked her. What was her name?” 

“Jenna.” Thomas said. He’d forgotten about Jenna until now. “We almost stopped being friends over her.” He mused. It was funny, he thought, how trivial those issues were now when they’d been such big deals as they’d happened. 

“Yeah, she was definitely into me, though.” Minho said. He was louder than normal, which told Thomas he was drunk, too. 

“Please,” Teresa said from behind Thomas. “She wasn’t into either of you. She didn’t know Thomas existed, and she thought Minho was weird. You guys were fighting over nothing.”

Everyone, with the exception of Thomas and Minho, began laughing. Thomas knew he shouldn’t be embarrassed as that had been ten years ago, but he felt his skin get hot. Although it may not have been shame he was feeling. 

Thomas glanced across the room again to find Newt laughing. Again. But this time it was at him. Except he wasn’t embarrassed about Newt laughing at him; it was because of how red Newt’s face was and the way he seemed to be so comfortable with his friends. It was also because of the way his eyes were lit up and his nose was scrunched up and how happy he clearly was. Thomas pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them. He would let his friends think he was embarrassed. 

When the laughter died down, Minho took an opportunity to fire back.   
“Well, at least Jenna wasn’t using either of us for our math homework.” 

Thomas couldn’t see as he was facing away, but he was pretty sure she was probably rolling her eyes. He did hear her scoff. 

“We’ve all had shitty exes,” She said. “No need to point fingers.” 

Brenda, like usual, was quick to jump to Teresa’s side. “She’s right. My first boyfriend when I was 12 assured me he had broken up with his girlfriend, but then I saw them dancing together at the middle school dance a couple weeks later.” 

The conversation found a temporary place on scumbag exes. An easy conversation to contribute to, they all knew. Despite everyone but Newt knowing all about exes, all the stories were told and recieved like they’d never been told before. There were some lines everyone knew not to cross and the lighthearted childhood romances that had lasted until the day was over. 

“What about you, Newt?” Brenda asked. “Do you have any scummy exes? Or sad childhood crushes?” 

The room turned to him, but Thomas had already been looking at him. And it was because of that that he noticed the way Newt’s smile faltered. By the time everyone else was paying attention it just looked like he was contemplating, but Thomas had seen it. He was sure Brenda had, too. 

“Oh, um, not really.” He said. He didn’t sound as confident as he usually did. Everyone else seemed too drunk to notice, but Thomas noticed. Even while drunk.

“No one?” Aris asked. “Not even a crush that broke your heart when you were little?” 

Newt looked uncomfortable now. He attempted to hide himself behind his drink and then took a sip before speaking. 

“Well, I had crushes and a couple exes, but nothing that exciting. I don’t have any stories like you all.” 

Everyone seemed satisfied with his answer as Gally launched into his own story. Thomas, however, stayed focused on Newt who was clearly trying to listen to Gally. Thomas saw, though, that he was not as into the conversation as he had been before. He clearly didn’t want to talk about it and Thomas didn’t want to pry, but he was still curious. His name was, again, mentioned in the conversation, though, so he turned away from Newt to Gally who had finished his own story. 

“What about Jamie?” Gally asked. 

“What about Jamie?” Thomas asked. He was aware that Newt was looking at him now. 

“You guys were kind of a mess.” 

Thomas laughed. Gally was right; they had been a mess. “Yeah, we definitely were. I don’t know how that lasted as long as it did.” 

“Because you loved each other.” Teresa said. Thomas glanced back at her. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘loved.’ We definitely cared about each other, though.” 

“That’s enough to make the mess seem worth putting up with.” She said. 

The sappy comment was enough for Thomas to know that she had had too much to drink. She got romantic when she got drunk. Thomas rolled his eyes.

“Who’s Jamie?” Newt asked. Thomas looked back at him. He appeared to have recovered from whatever it was that had shaken him up, but Thomas still wondered. 

“We dated back in the 11th grade.” Thomas said. “Not for long, but for long enough to know it was both a terrible relationship, and hard to walk away from.” 

“Yeah, he was kind of insane.” Minho said. Thomas went to jump to his ex’s defense, but Newt spoke first. 

“I don’t think I can picture you being ‘insane.’” He said. 

“No, not Thomas; Jamie.” Minho responded. 

“He was not insane.” Thomas said. “He had a crappy home life and had a hard time with relationships. He was a good guy, he just treated me more like a therapist than his boyfriend.” 

“Yeah, he was a sweet guy.” Brenda said. “I hope he’s doing better.” 

“Me, too.” Thomas said, before turning back to Newt. “Anyways, I cared about him, but I had to break it off. He wasn’t getting help and without meaning to, he put a lot of it on me.” 

Thomas finished talking, but he realized Newt wasn’t even listening. He was staring at the cup in his hand with a look on his face that Thomas couldn’t figure out. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked both scared and confused. 

It was at that moment that Thomas realized he didn’t even know where Newt stood. He’d just told him all about his ex boyfriend without knowing what Newt would think of that. Not that he’d want to be friends with him if he thought negatively, but he would still be upset if that were the case. 

Conversation picked up again and Thomas tried to get involved, but he was finding it hard to do when all he could think about was whether or not Newt’s opinion of him had changed and if his opinion of Newt should probably change, too. He’d gotten so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice he was getting a phone call until Teresa pointed it out.

“Thomas,” She said, leaning closer to him. “Your mom is calling.” She pointed to his phone sitting on the floor next to him and spoke with a gentle voice that he associated with the delivery of bad news. Which this was. 

“Oh,” He suddenly felt all the alcohol hitting him at once and was now very tired. “Thanks.” He hesitated before picking it up. He glanced at her as he walked out of the room and she shot him a sympathetic smile. 

Thomas waited to answer until he was outside. Mostly because he hoped she would hang up if he took long enough to answer, but she did not. He glanced at the time before picking up and wondered what she was doing awake after midnight. Even on a Friday night she wasn’t usually up this late. 

“Hi.” He said when he finally answered. He slid the glass door that led into the backyard shut and walked to the patio furniture, sitting down on a very cold chair. 

“Hello,” Her voice was just as cold. “Are you enjoying your night?” 

“I am,” The conversation was overly formal and that’s how he knew they were still mad at each other. “You’re awake awfully late.” 

“Yes, well, I couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright.” Which meant she felt bad for everything that had been happening, but didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want to admit it, either, but he appreciated the sentiment. 

“I am. Is that the only reason you called?” He hoped it was, but he knew it wouldn’t be. 

“No, I wanted to let you know that we’re having lunch with your grandma tomorrow, so don’t stay out too late.” 

Thomas already knew about the scheduled lunch with his grandma and he knew she knew, which meant this call was more of a guilt call than anything. He knew she felt bad and didn’t like when they fought; he didn’t either. Unfortunately neither of them seemed ready to admit that. 

“Right, okay. I won’t be long.” He said. 

“I’ll leave the light on.” She didn’t have to say that. They both knew that was a given. 

“Thanks,” He said, anyways. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Goodnight, Thomas.” 

“Goodnight, mom.” 

Neither of them made the first move to hang up. They sat there in silence, waiting for the other to say something. Anything. She made a noise that sounded like it was going to be the start of a sentence, but it turned into a sigh which concluded the conversation. She hung up. He lowered the phone from his ear and sighed as well. 

A second after, the outdoor light came on and the door slid open. Thomas glanced back to see Newt stepping outside. Thomas said nothing as he closed the door and sat in the adjacent chair. He was curious, though. Wondering what he was doing out here and wondering what he was going to say. 

“Hi.” Thomas said. It was the same way he’d started the conversation with his mom. 

“Hey,” Newt said. The light above the door turned off leaving them both in the dark. Somehow that made this easier; whatever this was. “You alright?” 

“You asked me that a few hours ago.” Thomas said. 

“A lot can happen in a few hours.” Newt said. 

Thomas nodded. “Yeah, I’m alright. It was my mom.” He gestured to his phone, but he realized that Newt probably couldn’t see that. “She wanted to remind me that we have lunch with my grandma tomorrow.” Newt’s silhouette shifted. Thomas was pretty sure he’d moved closer. 

It wasn’t until this moment, sitting alone in the dark, that Thomas realized how badly he wanted Newt to be okay with the fact that he liked boys. He’d been so busy wrapped up in the new thoughts and feelings he’d started to have, that he’d forgotten to even consider whether or not Newt was okay with those feelings, let alone reciprocating those feelings. 

“How long is that going to take?” Newt asked. 

While Thomas had been unable to guess what Newt was going to say next, he certainly had not been expecting that. Not that it was an absurd question, he just thought there were many other questions Newt would want to ask. 

“I’m not sure,” Thomas said. “Mid afternoon? Possibly later if my parents decide they want to make up. Why?” 

“I need some help at my apartment and was hoping you’d come by.” 

“What kind of help?” This really wasn’t what Thomas had been expecting. 

“Nothing huge. I’m still settling in and there’s a couple things I could use a hand with.” 

Thomas nodded, but, again, realized this would probably be unseen. “Okay, sure.” 

“Great,” Newt stood up. “I’ll be home all day, so just call me when you’re done with lunch.” He went back inside, not waiting to see if Thomas was behind him. 

Thomas stayed where he was for a few more minutes, trying to process the events of the last ten minutes. From the conversation with his mom that he was pretty sure was a hint at an apology, to Newt’s vague invitation. As it usually was with Newt, Thomas had no idea what to expect, but he was starting to realize he was okay with that. 

The sound of his friends from inside was enough to draw Thomas back in, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay for much longer. That was okay, though, because the alcohol was no longer being consumed and everyone seemed to be crashing. 

Aris, Thomas, and Brenda piled into Brenda’s car and waved goodbye to Teresa and Newt who were picked up my Teresa’s mom. Gally, who had fallen asleep on Minho’s couch, was left there for the night. After some mild cleanup, everyone said goodbye and left in their respective directions. 

Brenda stopped at Aris’ house first and walked him up to the door to make sure he got inside safely, then took off in the direction of Thomas’ house. They drove in silence for the first bit, but Brenda spoke. 

“So, you’re friends with Newt, now?” Her tone was definitely not accusatory, but it held a question that was not being asked. Thomas decided to answer the question that was being explicitly asked. 

“I guess so.” He said. “Is that bad?” 

“No. You can be friends with whoever you want, Thomas.” The way she said it made Thomas know she meant it, but there were still implications behind it. “Teresa and Newt seem to be getting along now, which is good.” 

“Yeah,” Thomas agreed. “Really good.” 

He felt her glance at him, but neither of them said anything until she pulled up in front of his house. As his mother had promised, the light was on. Just like it was every single night when he got home after they went to sleep. Still, he appreciated the gesture. It made the idea of forgiveness seem a little bit easier. 

“Thanks for the ride, Brenda.” He didn’t leave though, because he knew she was going to say something. 

“No problem,” She said. A short beat, followed by, “Don’t worry about what other people think, Thomas.” 

The sentence was vague and could be referencing a number of things, but Thomas knew what it was meant for. But because the sentiment was buried far beneath the surface, he responded in accordance. 

“I won’t.” 

He wished it were that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **i originally did not intend on discussing sexuality because i have talked to a lot of people in the past who say they don't like sexuality being a plot point in fanfiction or any fiction because it 'takes away from the story' but then i remembered that i'm writing this for me more than anyone, and i don't get paid to do this so i should write what i want. which is, as it turns out, including the discussion of sexuality because i like to have my sexuality acknowledged in media, even if it is only in fanfiction. so there will be a small plot line of sexuality, but it will not be the main focus, obviously. anyways, hopefully another update soon!


	11. eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for how long it's taken me to update!!! life has been so crazy. even though everyone told me i wouldn't have much time for certain things once i got to university, i didn't fully understand until i actually got here. i never have time for writing anymore and i can't tell you how much i miss it. but!! i just wrote my last final today and i'm going home for christmas on thursday and have three weeks off. i will not make any promises, but i will say that hopefully i have some time to write. i miss this fic a lot so i promise i'm not abandoning it, i just don't always have time for it unfortunately. also it was my birthday on monday and that's irrelevant to everything but i just wanted to say that. anyways, fingers crossed that it won't be so long until the next update :)

Lunch was fine. There was no other word Thomas could use to describe it. Given the circumstances it was not good, but given the circumstances it was a lot better than he imagined it would be. Meaning it was fine. Perhaps it was because his parents wanted to remain civil in front of his grandma, but given the conversation he’d had with his mom the night before, he thought maybe it was more than that. With her, at least. He was pretty sure his dad was still angry. 

This was, however, the most he’d spoken to his dad in a week. When he’d gotten home last night his parents had both been in bed, as he’d expected, and when he woke up his mom was actually civil. His dad didn’t say anything, but that wasn’t surprising. When they got to his grandma’s, though, he was smiling and laughing with Thomas as though nothing had happened. That, he knew, was for the benefit of his grandma. Thomas did have to give them credit, because it didn’t feel awkward at all. 

“How are all your friends doing, Thomas?” His grandma asked him. She’d only ever met Teresa when they were really young, but she made it a point to ask about them every time she saw him. He appreciated the sentiment. 

“They’re doing well,” Thomas answered. “It was Minho’s birthday on Thursday, so we all celebrated last night.” She smiled. He was pretty sure she could no longer keep track of all of their names anymore, but he continued to speak of them like she knew all of them well. He knew she appreciated that. 

“There’s a new addition to the group, actually.” Thomas looked at his mom, surprised by the statement. 

“What?” Was she talking about Newt? He’d never told her about him. Not out of secrecy, just due to his general avoidance of his parents recently. 

“Teresa’s cousin,” She said. “I ran into her mom the other day and she told me about him. She said he’s been hanging out with you guys.” 

“Oh, yeah.” Thomas said. “I guess he has been, but I haven’t spent much time with him.” He supposed that was a lie, but if he told her how much time he’d actually spent with him, she would inquire as to why he’d never mentioned him before. He didn’t want to tell her it was because the only thing she ever wanted to talk about lately was college.   
“Well she seems to think he’s a nice kid. Apparently there’s a lot of history with his side of the family, though. Stuff from years ago.” At this point she was no longer talking to Thomas, but gossiping with her mother. Thomas guessed she didn’t have enough information to gossip with, but she wanted to share what she knew. 

The rest of the visit remained fine; just fine. His grandma brought out dessert, she talked to his mom about people that only the two of them knew, she asked Thomas questions about work and friends to prove she knew what he was up to. They left about an hour later, thanking her for the meal and promising to come back soon. As soon as they stepped out of the house the air around them became thick with tension. None of them spoke on the car ride back home and his parents didn’t even speak to each other as they walked into their own house. 

Thomas hoped that this silent treatment from his father and the clear attempt at reconciliation from his mother would make it easier to leave the house. Because right now he really wanted to get out of the house. Not only because it was tense or uncomfortable, but because he had somewhere so much better to be. 

About 20 minutes passed when Thomas decided to try his luck at leaving. His dad was nowhere to be seen when he went upstairs and his mom was sitting in the living room. She glanced up as he passed and stopped him before he got to the door. 

“Are you leaving?” She asked. Thomas made note of the fact that she didn’t sound hesitant about it; just curious. 

“Yeah, I have plans with my friends.” He was going to leave it at that, but decided to give himself more of a chance by asking permission. “Is that alright?” 

“Sure,” She said. “Have fun. Just let me know if you aren’t going to be home for dinner.” 

They both knew he wouldn’t be, but he said ‘okay’ anyways. It had been a lot easier to leave than he’d anticipated, but he still felt the stress of it when he got into his car. He texted Newt before leaving to let him know he was on his way. 

Thomas parked in front of the immaculate building that shocked him every single time and got out of his car. Only to realize, just as he had the last time he was here, that he had no idea which apartment Newt lived in. He stared up at the building as if he could figure it out by looking at every window. He was about to text Newt to ask when the door to the building opened.  
Thomas hadn’t noticed that it had, but he did notice when someone was saying his name. He looked up, finding Newt hanging out of the doorway. 

“Hey,” He called out. Thomas headed towards him. 

“Hi.” Thomas said. “You could have just texted me which apartment yours is.” 

“I know,” Thomas walked into the building behind Newt and stopped to take it in. It was only the lobby, but even the lobby was nicer than Thomas’ entire home. He briefly wondered how much it cost Newt to live here before remembering it didn’t cost Newt anything. “But I was down here checking my mail when you said you were on your way, so I figured I would just wait for you.” 

They walked up to the elevator - also nicer than Thomas’ house - and he pressed the ‘up’ button. 

“So, how was lunch with your grandma?” Newt asked once inside the elevator. Thomas made another note that there were 20 stories to the building. He was pretty sure there weren’t many other buildings in the city that were that tall. It wasn’t, after all, a very big city. 

“It was fine,” Thomas said. He considered this was the only time he’d ever said something was fine when it was actually just fine. Newt pressed the button to the 18th floor. Jesus. 

“That bad?” 

“No, it was actually fine. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t terrible, either.” 

“It was just fine.” Newt repeated.

“Exactly.” 

“Well, that’s better than bad, anyways.” 

“Which is what I was expecting, so I’m pretty much okay with how it went down.” 

“That’s good, then.” 

It was probably a weird thing to notice, but Thomas was very aware of how much conversation could be had in an elevator ride to the 18th floor.

The door opened and Newt stepped out of the elevator, into a short hall with just as much grandeur as the rest of the building. Thomas could only imagine what the insides of the apartments looked like. Newt approached a door and stuck his key in it, then turned to Thomas before opening it. It was this that made Thomas realize he had been lingering by the elevator. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the magnitude of the building, or the realization that he was going to be in Newt’s apartment in just a couple seconds. The latter shouldn’t have had such an effect on him, but it did and he was suddenly very nervous. 

“Are you coming?” Newt asked. Thomas nodded and walked through the now open door that Newt was holding open for him. He didn’t make it much further than that before he stopped again. 

The first and most obvious thing was that it was huge. Which he’d been expecting, but seeing it was a whole other thing. The second thing he noticed were the windows. Or, to be more specific, the one window that took up the entire wall across from the doorway. It was all window with a sliding glass door that led to a balcony. 

Everything after those two things seemed to hit Thomas in phases. There was the brick wall adjacent to the window, giving the mostly modern building a more rustic feel. The spacious kitchen to the right of the doorway that looked to be untouched. There were a couple plants strategically placed around the open room that Thomas assumed had to have come with the apartment. A door in the brick wall that was likely a bedroom, a bookshelf filled from top to bottom to his immediate left, a desk on the far right wall, and the clearly new living room furniture. The final touch, bringing the entire place together, was the high ceiling. Which, of course, just made the wall of window that much more impressive. 

Thomas, having taken it all in, stepped further into the room. He wondered if he looked shocked. He wondered how Newt was feeling. He wondered how he was still in his hometown, because he didn’t know a building this nice existed in this city. He wondered what Teresa’s first thought had been upon entering this apartment. Thomas could only imagine, and wasn’t sure he even wanted to. 

There were two more doors to his left. The washroom and, he assumed, another bedroom. Or maybe it was just a closet. Except he knew it was probably another bedroom. What a person his age needed a two bedroom apartment of this extravagance for, he had no idea. 

Thomas turned to look at Newt. He actually looked embarrassed. Thomas felt embarrassed and he really wasn’t sure why. His house was nothing compared to this, but it’s not like Newt had ever been inside his house. All he’d seen was the outside. Which also didn’t compare to this. 

“This is quite the place.” Thomas finally said. He wasn’t sure what else there was to say. 

“Yeah, well, it’s a bit more than I need, but my parents insisted on me having the nicest place in the city. I tried objecting, but they are the ones paying for it and even though I may do pretty well for myself, I still needed their help with rent.”

Thomas nodded. He was at a loss for words. “Okay, so what am I here for?” He’d nearly forgotten Newt had invited him over for help, but the need for a topic change reminded him. 

“Right,” It seemed he’d nearly forgotten, as well. He led Thomas to the door that was likely a second bedroom and pushed it open. The shift in lighting resulted in Thomas having to adjust to a much darker room. Not only were there fewer windows, but the walls were painted a dark grey. A big contrast to the white walls and the huge windows in the main room. 

While the room was clearly meant to be a second bedroom, Newt was using it for storage. Boxes, some empty and some full, were stacked in the middle of the room with some contents spilling out onto the floor. There were also tarps and old sheets on the floor, lining the dark walls. 

“You probably noticed the difference in lighting from this room to that one,” Newt said, gesturing out the door. 

“I definitely did, yes.” Thomas answered. 

“That needs to change, don’t you think?” 

Thomas thought he knew where this was going. And he agreed. “Definitely.” 

Newt smiled and walked to the far corner. When he turned back to face Thomas he was holding a paint can in one hand a paint roller in the other. He looked absolutely ecstatic. It was contagious. 

“You don’t have to help if you don't want to,” Newt said. “I don’t actually need help, but it sounded like a lot more fun to have someone do it with me.” 

“I’d love to help,” Thomas said. “But aren’t you renting this place?” 

“Technically my parents are renting this place.” Newt said. 

“Right, but isn’t there something in your lease that restricts you from painting the walls?” Thomas had never rented an apartment before, but he thought that was something tenants weren’t allowed to do. 

Newt shook his head. “The rule is that I can paint any wall - except the brick one - any color I want as long as I paint it back to its original color before I move out.” 

“Aren’t you only living here for a few months?” Thomas asked. “Isn’t it a lot of effort to paint them now if you’re just going to have to paint them back in a few months?” 

Newt smiled. “I like painting. And if I’m going to be living here, even if it’s just for a few months, I want to feel at home in the place I’m living. I can’t feel at home in a room this dark.” 

“Alright,” Thomas nodded and he began smiling, too. “Then hand me a paint brush.” 

Newt did just that with an even bigger grin on his face. He filled the paint tray with a coral color and dipped his paint roller in. Thomas did the same. 

“Besides,” Newt said as he did so. “I’m doing this with my own money. My parents aren’t paying me to paint the walls; it’s all me. And it may be small, but that means there are some things I can do for myself without relying on them.” 

It was small, but Thomas understood what he meant. He did wonder, though, what kind of relationship Newt had with his parents. He didn’t mention them very often and when family was brought up he seemed to shut down a little. Also if he was that prideful about doing certain things with his own money, why did he let his parents pay for his college tuition and an over-the-top apartment? Thomas knew it was none of his business so he didn’t ask, but he was curious. He was curious about a lot of things when it came to Newt. 

Like, for instance, why he clammed up the night before after Thomas brought up his dating history, then invited him over to his apartment ten minutes later. Thomas thought he could have been reading into it, but he had questions. 

“So here’s what we’re going to do,” Newt said, pulling Thomas back to reality. “These three walls are going to be this coral color, and that wall is going to be light grey.” Thomas paid attention to which walls he was pointing to and then they got to work. Thomas on one wall and Newt on another. 

They started out working quietly, but the music filled the silence. They both found a groove, but even though Thomas felt he was doing well, Newt had made a lot more progress than he had. When Thomas was about halfway through his first wall - and Newt was already moving onto his second - he spoke. 

“So why America?” It was a subject he’d broached a few times and he’d only received a negative reaction, but he felt like this was a harmless question. It wasn’t asking why he left; it was the why he chose here. 

“What?” Newt was fully focused on the singular grey wall he was now painting. 

“Why America? Like, of everywhere you could have gone, why here?” 

Newt stopped painting. Thomas could see from the way his back tensed up that he had made a mistake by asking. He hadn’t meant it as a prying question, but maybe he should have known better. 

“I told you; I needed a change.” He went back to painting, but it was a lot slower and more hesitant now. 

“Yeah, I got that,” Thomas spoke with just as much hesitance. He wanted to move past the tension. “I just meant why here.” 

“Why does it matter? I wanted a change, I came here, and now I’m here. It doesn’t matter why.” 

Thomas had never seen Newt angry before. He didn’t like it and he felt bad that he was what caused it. It was worse that Newt wasn’t even looking at him; he was still painting. 

“I’m sorry,” He said. “I didn’t mean-”

Newt stood up abruptly and left his paintbrush on the tarp against the wall. He didn’t look at Thomas as he walked out of the room; he just left, mumbling something about the fumes. 

Thomas stayed where he was for a long time. The guilt was unbearable, but he didn’t know how to make it better, or if whatever he said would just make it worse. He seemed to be good at that. He briefly considered just leaving since this wasn’t his house and he didn’t have to stay, but he didn’t want to leave without saying anything. Then he thought about finishing the wall he was currently painting and seeing if Newt came back, but he had no idea how long that would be. Finally he decided the best thing to do was find Newt and apologize. Surely that couldn’t make things worse. 

The first and most obvious place to check was the main area, but it became quickly apparent that he was not there. Thomas was just about to knock on the bedroom door - the one room he had not yet been in - when he caught movement from the corner of his eye. He turned to see, through the windows he was still not used to, Newt was out on the balcony. 

It took Thomas a minute to actually step outside. He became too distracted watching Newt - the hunch in his back as he leaned over the railing, the flecks of coral paint in his hair and on his t-shirt, and his posture and the way it looked more sad than angry. Thomas slid the glass door open and stepped onto the balcony, which left him in just as much awe as the rest of the apartment had. 

It was not surprising to find that it was huge; he knew that just from looking all those times he’d dropped Newt off. But, just as with the inside, it was a whole other thing to see it for himself. The entire balcony could be a room in itself. There looked to be room for about a dozen people; not comfortably, but that was still a lot for a balcony. It was filled with new-looking patio furniture and plants that also probably came with the apartment. Then, leaning over the glass railing, was Newt, who was looking back at Thomas. 

Thomas wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting when he went looking for Newt, but he hadn’t expected him to be smiling when he found him. Even if it was a sad smile. But that’s what he was doing and for some reason it made him feel even guiltier. 

“Hi,” Thomas said. He shut the door behind him and joined Newt against the railing. He looked out at the city and experienced a brief sense of vertigo. He couldn’t believe how high up they were and how spectacular the view was. The sun was starting to set and somehow Newt had gotten lucky enough to have a balcony that faced west. It was so beautiful that Thomas almost forgot why he was standing out here. 

“Hey,” Newt was facing outwards again, staring at...whatever it was about the view that he found the most appealing. Thomas kept looking at Newt. “Sorry about that.” 

“No, it’s not your fault.” Thomas said. “I shouldn’t have pried.” 

Newt shook his head. “You didn’t, though. That’s the thing. You asked pretty standard questions and I freaked out.” 

“Really, it’s not a big deal. I tend to be too nosy, anyways.”

Newt smiled a little. “I don’t think that’s how I would describe you.” 

“No?”

“No. I think you’re too caught up in your own issues to care about everyone else’s issues.” Coming from anyone else, Thomas would have worried that meant they thought he was selfish, but coming from Newt, somehow Thomas knew that’s not what he meant. 

“You have issues?” Thomas asked. 

“Everyone has issues,” Newt turned to face Thomas, still leaning against the balcony. “And I tried leaving mine back at home, but it turns out no amount of distance will lessen your issues.” 

“That’s too bad. That was the main reason I wanted to go to college so far away.” 

Newt smiled and Thomas did, too. “Well, you’ve told me about some of your issues, so maybe one day I’ll tell you about mine.” 

“Don’t feel obligated.” 

“I don’t.” 

They stood out there in silence for several more minutes before Newt asked Thomas if he was hungry. He was, in fact, hungry, so they ordered some food and cleaned themselves up before it arrived. Newt insisted on paying and waved off Thomas’ offer, saying it was another way to prove he could do things without his parents. Something told Thomas he already understood a small part of what Newt’s issues were, but he wasn’t going to ask until Newt was ready to tell. 

They sat on Newt’s couch to eat - something Thomas felt weird about considering how nice the furniture was and how opposed to eating anywhere but a table his parents were - and watched TV. There wasn’t much good on, but it was used more for background noise than anything. 

“So I have to ask,” Newt said. “And I don’t want to pry, so stop me if I’m being intrusive.” 

“Okay,” Thomas said. He was intrigued. 

“Are you a labels guy?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Last night at the party when all of your friends were talking about exes or past crushes.” Thomas now knew where this was going and even though it seemed pretty likely that everything would be okay, he still felt that wary feeling he always got talking with new people. “They mentioned Jamie, but then they were also talking about that girl you and Minho both had a crush on; the one who didn’t like you.” He trailed off, perhaps realizing the bluntness of his last comment, or maybe not knowing how to finish his sentence. 

Thomas chose to address both. “Well, first of all, thank you for reminding me of my most embarrassing childhood memories,” Newt laughed. That was encouraging. “And second of all, yes, I am ‘a labels guy.’ I’m bisexual.” 

Newt nodded. “Cool,” Thomas was very aware of the way he said cool like it really was and not like he was saying it to convince both of them that it was. “And all of your friends are okay with it?” 

“Yeah, I got pretty lucky. No one ever seemed very fazed by it. No one important to me, anyways.” 

“That’s good. Not everyone gets that.” 

They were quiet again until they finished eating a few minutes later, at which point they jumped right back to where they were with painting. It was pretty late by the time each wall had been painted with one coat and both of them were exhausted. They ended up back on the couch which Thomas felt even worse for since he was quite sure he was covered in paint. But Newt was doing it, so he probably could, too. 

Newt checked the time on his phone. “It’s late.” He said. 

“It is.” Thomas agreed. 

 

“Do you want to stay the night?” Newt asked. Thomas was suddenly very aware of himself. He sat up a little straighter. 

“Really?” He asked.

“Yeah, it’s too late to be driving.” 

Thomas didn’t think it could ever be too late to drive, but he was offering and he was kind of tired. “Don’t you only have one room?” 

“No, there’s two.” Thomas raised an eyebrow and Newt laughed. “I only have one functioning room at the moment. But it’s fine, you can take the bedroom and I’ll sleep on the couch.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.” 

Newt was already up and turning the couch into a makeshift bed, as though Thomas had already said okay. “Why would I ask you if I thought you were intruding?” 

“Alright,” Thomas gave in. Although giving in implied he didn’t want to, and he did. He definitely did. “I’ll just text my mom to let her know.” Which ended up being a bit of a lie, because what he actually told her was that he was staying the night at Minho’s. 

He wasn’t totally sure why he didn’t tell her the truth, especially since she knew about Newt now. But it felt easier to tell her he was at Minho’s since it would invite fewer questions. 

“How are things between you and her?” Newt asked when Thomas put his phone away. 

Thomas hesitated before answering. “Better, I think. She clearly wants to make up. I think she’s as sick of fighting as I am.” He paused. “Well, maybe not quite as sick of it; she did used to be a lawyer.” 

Newt smiled and spread a blanket out on the couch. “What does she do now?” 

“She is a secretary for my father, who is a lawyer.” Newt gave him a look that Thomas frequently got when he explained the situation. It was always either confusion about how she went from being a lawyer to a secretary, or his dad ‘also’ being a lawyer. In this case Thomas assumed it was the latter, but he acknowledged both possibilities. “I know. They met in law school, my mom decided it wasn’t what she wanted, my dad opened his own law firm, and now they work ten feet away from each other. They both love it.” 

“It’s good that they’re happy,” He said. “But you live alone with two lawyers?” The look on his face was pity and Thomas found that hilarious. 

“Technically my mom isn’t a lawyer.” 

“Still,” Newt said. “Two people who went to law school? I think I understand you a lot more now.” 

Thomas wasn’t sure how to take that so he just laughed. “Yeah, it’s why I hate arguing with them so much and why they’re always arguing with me.” 

“And no siblings to stick up for you or take your side.” Newt shook his head. “That’s so sad.” 

Thomas laughed again. It was so easy to do and it felt so good. “Do you have any siblings?” He realized as soon as he asked it that it may not have been the best question to ask. Given the subject of home and family seemed to be the one thing generally avoided, he wasn’t sure if his question fell into that category. But a fond look came over Newt’s face, which was a look so different to the one he usually got when family was discussed. 

“I have a younger sister,” He spoke with just as much fondness. “Lizzy. I know it’s cheesy to say, but she’s probably my best friend.” 

Thomas felt a pang in his chest. A twinge of jealousy. He’d always wanted a sibling and whenever he heard people talk about theirs, no matter what they said, he felt jealous. It was the idea of an unbreakable bond between two people who would defend each other no matter what. Someone who would stand by his side and support him when his parents were being too unreasonable and they would get it, because they had the same parents and knew exactly what it was like. 

Teresa, who was also an only child, had said before that they were like brother and sister, but it had never made Thomas feel better. She didn’t understand his parents the same way he didn’t understand her mom. He couldn’t rant to her about his parents and she couldn’t respond with, ‘I understand,’ because she could never understand the same way someone with the same parents could. 

It made Thomas long for it even more now, seeing the gentle look on Newt’s face. It was clear just from that that he loved his sister in a way Thomas would never truly understand. 

“You must miss her.” Thomas said. 

“More than anyone else.” Thomas couldn’t relate to that and he desperately wished he could. 

They sat there for a while longer, Thomas listening to Newt talk about his sister and feeling the ache in his chest grow, before Newt showed him into the only functioning bedroom. It, like the rest of the building, was immaculate. More high ceilings and, just like in the main area, a window that took up an entire wall. This window, though, actually had a curtain. There was a brick wall connected to it which was where the head of the bed was placed. A cozy looking chair was tucked in the corner by the window with a box of books taking up residence on it. The bed was, unsurprisingly, a king. Even Thomas’ parents didn’t have a king sized bed. The walls were seafoam green which was a much nicer color than that of the room they’d just painted.  
“Did you have to paint this room, too?” 

“No,” Newt walked into the room and pulled open a drawer in the dresser. “Thankfully this room came like this.” He dug around in the drawer and pulled out some clothes. He set a t-shirt and plaid sleep pants on the bed and kept whatever else he was holding for himself. Thomas realized he was offering the clothes on the bed to Thomas for the night. 

“Oh, thanks.” 

“No problem. Do you need anything else?” 

“No, I think I’m okay.”

“Alright, well then I’m going to bed. Thanks for all your help today.” 

“Yeah, it was actually fun.” 

Newt smiled. “Yeah, it was.” He stayed there for another moment before heading for the door. “Okay. Sleep well.” 

“You, too.” 

Newt lingered for just a second, then shut the door behind him. It was only when the door closed that Thomas realized the exact situation he was in. Not only was he staying the night at Newt’s, but he would be sleeping in his bed. Maybe that shouldn’t have been such a big deal, but for whatever reason it made Thomas panic a little. The idea of sleeping in Newt’s bed felt like a bad one. He didn’t know why and he knew it shouldn't, but it did. He was in Newt’s home, sleeping in his room, in his bed. While he slept right outside the door. Just a few feet away. 

Thomas got changed and tried not to think too hard about the fact that he was now wearing Newt’s clothes and now crawling into Newt’s bed. It wasn’t a big deal. He repeated that over and over again in his head, but it didn’t matter how many times he did. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. About where he was; about what he was doing. 

He closed his eyes, but he already knew he would not be sleeping tonight.


	12. twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooF SHE IS SHORT TODAY! yeah this is, like, half the length chapters usually are but this feels more like filler than anything. right now i'm trying real hard to get out of a slump i've been in and i think trying to force this particular chapter to be any longer would take something away from it. 
> 
> the good news is that i think i'm almost past a difficult patch. idk how many of you write, but if you do do any of you have those points where a particular section is just so hard to get through? like you've got a period where it's so easy and words are flying, but then there are some chapters that, while not necessarily boring, are just not exciting to write? that's how i'm feeling about the last couple chapters. i think, though, it's about to get a lot easier. still not gonna make any promises, though
> 
> also, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! i know it's already the 6th, but i wrote a little newtmas holiday blurb for new year's eve, so even though the holidays over you could go read that if you wanted. i hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and a fantastic 2019! sorry again for how short this chapter is, but it's probably better than the alternative. enjoy :)

Thomas woke up to a door slamming shut, followed by immediate and intense confusion as to where the hell he was. The curtain on the unfamiliar window was closed, but it was clearly daytime and the unmade bed indicated that he had been here all night. He sat up and as he did, the confusion and grogginess faded away, leaving him with clear memories of where he was and why he was here. He was suddenly anxious for very different reasons. 

A few moments passed before he decided to get up. Based on the slamming of cupboards and creaking of the floors - one of the only flaws Thomas had yet found in the apartment - it was clear Newt had been coming back from somewhere, rather than leaving. Thomas wondered where he’d gone already, given that it was only 10am. 

The answer presented itself in a large to-go cup of coffee on the kitchen counter that Thomas immediately recognized from Nina’s. Newt held an identical cup from where he was leaning on the other side of the counter. 

“Oh, hey,” Newt straightened up when he noticed Thomas enter the room. “Did I wake you?” 

“No,” Thomas lied. “Did you go all the way to Nina’s for coffee?” He asked.

Newt nudged the cup clearly meant for Thomas in his direction. Thomas accepted it. “I would have gone somewhere closer, but I don’t know anything that is, and I didn’t want to get you something you wouldn’t like.” 

“You didn’t have to get coffee at all,” Thomas said. “But thank you.” 

Newt sat down on the couch and turned on the TV and Thomas joined him. They sat there, drinking their coffees quietly, for about 20 minutes until Thomas decided he should probably go home and face whatever was waiting there for him. He never knew what to expect these days. 

“Thanks again for the coffee and for letting me stay here and for dinner last night.” Thomas said before leaving. He suddenly felt bad after listing off everything Newt had done in the past day, because he had never done that much for Newt. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Newt said. “You helped me paint a bedroom, so I think we’re even.” 

Thomas didn’t agree, but he silently promised that he would make it up soon. How, he wasn’t quite sure, but he could think up something. He left right after that and drove home as slow as possible without being annoying. He hesitated when he walked through the door, and immediately wished he could turn around and leave when he saw his dad sitting by himself at the table. He also wished their house was set up different so he could easily make it to the stairs without being noticed, but that wasn’t going to happen, either. 

He hadn’t even taken off his shoes when his dad called him into the kitchen to join him. It was one of the first things he’d said to him in a week, and based on what usually happened when he was made to sit down at the table for something other than eating, he was not excited. He complied, nonetheless. 

“Where’s mom?” Thomas asked. The only thing worse than arguing with both of his parents was arguing alone with his dad. His mom, at least, did her best to make sure no one was yelling, and if lines were crossed she was good at acknowledging that. He sure wished she was here right now. 

“She’s out right now. Where were you last night?” 

Thomas felt nervous for a whole other reason now. He didn’t need to be in trouble for standing up for himself _and_ for lying about where he’d been last night. He was already in deep enough water as it was. 

“I spent the night at Minho’s.” 

“Does your mom know that?” Thomas nodded and his dad seemed satisfied. Or as satisfied as he could be while still being as angry as he was. “We don’t want to fight anymore, Thomas, and I know you don’t either. We just want what’s best for you, and sometimes we don’t always know what that is. But we’re trying our hardest, okay?” 

“Okay.” Thomas knew that was the fastest way to end this conversation. He liked the direction it was going and he figured the quicker it ended, the quicker it would stay that way. 

“But you also have to realize that sometimes we know what’s best for you, even if it makes no sense at the time.” 

“Okay…” He said it with a little more hesitancy this time. He was now wary of where it was headed. 

“I know you like your jobs and you think they’re going to be useful, but you have to trust us when we say you could do better,” Thomas wanted to be glad he wasn’t yelling, at least, but that just meant it would be harder to argue with whatever point his father was trying to make. “We want to be fair about this, so last night we decided on what would be the most comparable for all of us.” 

“Okay.” The conversation was so close to being over; he could feel it. 

“If you can choose a college by the end of this month, then you can keep both of your jobs. If not, you have to quit one. It doesn’t matter which.” His dad let him consider this before asking, “Does that seem fair?” 

It didn’t. Given all the decisions were based on his life, he didn’t think he should have to compromise at all, but he knew that was way too much to ask from his parents. So he nodded instead, desperately wanting to go down to his room.

“Yeah,” He said. “That sounds fair.” 

“Good,” His dad smiled a real smile for the first time in a week and it felt oddly unnerving. “I’m glad we agree.” 

They didn’t, but this was the closest they’d come to ‘civil’ in a while and Thomas was sick of fighting. The only reason he’d agreed was because his mom wasn’t here, and because sometimes it was so much easier to go along with him no matter how hard that was. At least now things could go back to normal. 

\---

By Wednesday, Thomas had not seen nor heard from any of his friends in a while. Things had been busy for all of them - like usual - and there’d been no time for Thomas to meet up with any of them. This, as it turned out, was not as bad as he would have expected it to be. 

As much as he would still rather be out with his friends, ever since his talk with his dad things had been a lot more peaceful at home. Comparable to before he even started applying for colleges, when his parents still treated him like he had opinions of his own. In fact, since their conversation, there had been no mention of college or of his future at all. No snide remarks about his jobs, no shared glances, no eye rolling. It was as if they were suddenly content with him making all of his own choices.

Unfortunately, Thomas knew that was not the case. Fortunately, he was so pleased with where they were all at that he was not going to bring it up and ruin how pleasant things had been at home lately. He planned to enjoy the peace while it lasted, because he knew it would be returning. 

Now, after spending three dinners in a row with his parents, Thomas decided to meet up with his friends. Or try to, anyways. After work on Wednesday, Thomas headed over to Nina’s where he hoped to run into at least Teresa, and possibly others. When he walked through the doors, he spotted Teresa almost immediately.

She was not, however, wearing an apron, holding a coffee mug, or wearing her hair up like she usually did when she was on the clock. Instead, Thomas spotted her sitting in a booth in her everyday clothes with Newt sitting across from her. He wasn’t sure what was more shocking; the fact that she was spending what was clearly her free time at Nina’s, or the fact that she was spending it with Newt. Both were confusing sights that had Thomas lingering in the doorway, until Teresa caught his eye and waved him over.

He still hesitated for a moment before he approached them and sat down next to her. When he did, both Teresa and Newt turned to him right away as if they had been expecting him. Thomas wondered if he was like an ice breaker for them. He couldn’t imagine what they’d been talking about thus far and thought they were probably relieved to have him here for common ground. Odd, Thomas thought, that they were the ones who were related but he was the neutral one. 

“Hey,” Teresa said, a little too enthusiastically. “Did you just get off of work?” She knew that he did, but the need for conversation was apparent. 

“Yeah,” Thomas looked around, trying to spot whoever was working. “Did you?” He knew that she didn’t, but he really wondered what she was doing here when she hadn’t been working. He’d gotten over her being here with Newt quite quickly as he knew they were trying, but why here? 

“No, but Newt and I had plans to meet up and this was the easiest place to go without giving him directions to someplace new.” 

Thomas nodded, satisfied with the response. He turned to Newt whom he hadn’t spoken to since waking up on his couch a few days earlier. It was weird, he thought, the combination of nerves and excitement he felt these days upon seeing Newt. He knew what that was, but there was something that still held Thomas back from putting a name to those feelings. 

“Hi,” He said. Newt smiled. Actually he’d already been smiling, but it changed when Thomas finally greeted him. Thomas tried not to think too hard about what that might mean. 

“Hey. How was work?” 

“It was slow today, but not slow enough to justify leaving.” 

“Is that...okay?” Newt paused between his words to ask a question without saying it. Thomas picked up on it. 

“Wouldn’t have mattered either way.” He said. “How was work for you?” 

They launched further into the small talk, all three of them, that mostly centered around work to start. Thomas still didn’t fully understand what Newt did which he stated, and Newt told him he should come by sometime so he could give him a tour. Thomas hoped Teresa missed the way he got slightly flustered by something as simple as that. It appeared she had and they moved on. 

At some point in the conversation, Teresa briefly mentioned college which Newt was very quick to sidestep after seeing the way Thomas tensed up. Neutral subjects were broached, like music and TV, and Thomas and Teresa shared some anecdotes from their childhood together. Thomas knew better than to comment, but he noticed the way Newt neatly sidestepped any attempt Teresa made to learn about Newt’s childhood. He wondered if Teresa noticed, too, but she seemed oblivious. 

After what turned out to be a not-at-all-awkward half hour, Teresa announced she had to go home. Newt said he should probably head home, as well, so Thomas followed them both outside. They split up, Teresa heading down the street to her car, and Newt and Thomas heading up the other way to their respective cars.  
It may have just been 30 seconds with it being just the two of them, but as they slowly made their way down the sidewalk Thomas was grateful for every one of those seconds. They didn’t talk as they walked - Thomas had been to busy appreciating the short walk - but when Newt arrived at his car, he stopped before getting in and turned to Thomas. 

“So,” He said, as if they’d been having a conversation. 

“So…” Thomas said because he didn’t want to walk away just yet. 

Newt’s face lit up. “I finished painting.” Based on the sudden change in tone and the seemingly pointless ‘so,’ Thomas was pretty sure Newt had just thought to say that so Thomas wouldn’t leave yet. Not that Thomas wanted to get his hopes high, but it had been a pretty needless thing to say. After all, they’d pretty much finished over the weekend, anyways. 

“Oh, yeah?” Thomas said, anyways. 

“And I sort of furnished it. I mean, most of the furniture had already been in there, anyways, but I changed some things, added some things, and made it my own.” He looked ecstatic about all this and his happiness was contagious. 

“Awesome,” Thomas said. “I can’t wait to see it.”

“Yeah, did you…” He trailed off and rethought what he was going to say. “Do you want to come over tomorrow? I know I’m not 21 yet, but I could get my hands on a bottle of wine.” 

Thomas didn’t want to think too hard about that part, but being invited over in the evening to drink wine? He wasn’t sure about Newt, but he was quite sure he wouldn’t ask any of his friends to come over for no purpose other than, well, wine. He thought he could have misinterpreted that, but Newt was grinning. 

There was no reason to say no and the idea of doing so hadn’t even come close to crossing Thomas’ mind when he remembered something. 

“Shit,” He said, face falling. 

“I mean, I’m not going to make you come if you don’t want to that bad.” Both his inflection and facial expression suggested Newt was joking, but Thomas was very quick to clear it up, anyways. 

“No, I really want to go, but I just remembered I made plans to go to Reverie with Gally tomorrow night. We haven’t had the chance to go together in a long time and tomorrow finally works for both of us. I’m sorry.” 

Newt waved him off. “Don’t be,” He said. “You already made plans, it’s fine. You can come over another time.” 

“Yeah,” Thomas said. “I’d like that.”

“Me too.” They looked at each other for a little bit longer, neither moving. Thomas still didn’t want to go, especially now that he knew they wouldn’t be seeing each other the next day. 

“Okay,” Thomas finally said. If he didn’t leave now, he never would. Or worse, he would say something he didn’t quite want to say. “I should really go, but I’ll see you soon?” 

“Absolutely,” Newt said, smiling. “Have fun tomorrow night.” 

Newt got into his car and took off with Thomas still standing on the curb. Even though he was the one who said he was leaving, he was still the one standing still. 

Thomas knew he would have fun tomorrow; he always did. There was just something disappointing about not being able to hang out with Newt. Lately, no matter how much time he spent with him, Thomas always wanted to stick around longer. 

After a couple more seconds of idling, Thomas walked the rest of the short distance to his car and made his way home. The further away he got from that curb where Newt had left him, the stronger the ache in his gut became. He knew what that was. He knew what that feeling meant, but it had been a long time since he’d had that feeling and he was pretty sure that it being directed at Newt was a terrible idea. It seemed that, no matter which direction things went, it would end in a disaster. If that was the case, though, why did Newt feel like the best thing that had happened to Thomas in a long time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **ALSO*** yikes uh......twitter is vicious. let's learn to respect people and not bully people off of social media platforms. whether they're famous or not, they are still people and will poulter is a genuinely good guy. he deserved none of this and I really hope hes doing okay
> 
> I know it was probably no one who would read this as it wasn't really fandom people but. I still felt like this needed to be said. be more considerate of those around you - famous or not - and watch what you say.


	13. thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reverie: (noun)  
> 1\. a state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts  
> 2\. a daydream  
> 3\. a fantastic, visionary, or impractical idea
> 
> keep that in mind as you read this chapter. i didn't just pick reverie because i thought it was a cool name for a club. i chose it for a specific reason

**Hey Thomas I’m really sorry to do this to you but something came up and I can’t go out tonight :(( sorry**

Thomas stared at his phone for a long time upon receiving a text from Gally and tried to sort out what, exactly, he was feeling. 

On one hand, he was truthfully upset about his cancelled plans. He hadn’t been able to go to Reverie with Gally in a long time and it had been even longer since they’d hung out just the two of them. Thomas missed his friend and he missed the days where hanging out was a lot easier. He’d been looking forward to tonight and now he felt somewhat let down. 

On the other hand, however, Thomas could possibly make other plans. If the offer was still open, he could take Newt up on his invite from the day before. And, no matter how badly he missed his friends, going to Newt’s place was enticing to Thomas in a very different way. 

**No worries,** he wrote back, **some other time then!**

Thomas hit send and scrolled through his text threads before coming across Newt’s. Neither of them had texted one another in several days and Thomas briefly reflected on the fact that they rarely texted. It seemed they would more often given how close they’d recently gotten, but for some reason Newt didn’t strike Thomas as much of a texter. 

After scrolling through their very short thread, Thomas’ thumbs danced over the keyboard as he sorted through what he wanted to say. When nothing seemed good enough - either too enthusiastic or not enthusiastic enough - Thomas set his phone down after a few moments of contemplation. He could deal with it at lunch. 

Thomas wondered, after putting his phone away, what it would be like to work somewhere where that would get him in trouble. Where huddling over his phone all morning to sort out his social life would not be tolerated. He clearly did not know, because sitting right next to him on his own phone was Jorge. Obviously unaffected by the fact that some people found that unprofessional. Thomas was glad for that because there were some days at this job - no matter how much he loved it - that he would go mad if not for his phone.   
When the single customer in the store approached the counter to ask for help, Thomas took charge and followed her a couple aisles over. Since he was already up he decided to get some cleaning done after she left. He took a feather duster to the shelves and straightened out a bunch of the merchandise before the door opened again. Thomas knew Jorge was at the front still so he stayed where he was.

It wasn’t a large store at all, so Thomas could easily hear Jorge talking to whoever had just walked in, but he tuned out both voices. Which was why he didn’t hear when the conversation stopped and someone walked up behind him. 

“Actually busy or just trying to look like you are?” Newt asked.

Thomas turned around, already smiling. Doing so had become like a reflex upon hearing Newt’s voice. “Oh, you just missed the mid-morning rush,” Thomas said. “This is some well deserved down-time.” 

Newt grinned and moved closer until he was standing right next to Thomas. “Not exactly my idea of ‘down time.’” He said, gesturing to the feather duster in Thomas’ hands. 

Thomas set it down on one of the shelves next to him. “What are you doing here?” He asked. 

Newt shrugged as if his being here was a regular thing. Thomas wouldn’t mind if it was. “I had an early lunch and thought I’d drop by to say hello.” 

While Thomas had never actually been to the gallery where Newt worked, he did know that it was nowhere near-by. Nor was his apartment, which meant unless Newt had other business to attend to in this neighborhood, he’d driven all this way to see Thomas. Thomas didn’t want to think too hard about that, but it was also all he could think about. 

Thomas wanted to know, but he didn’t want to ask so instead he said, “Well, I’m glad you did.” Which was probably just as telling. 

Newt looked away from him after holding his gaze for a moment and turned his attention to the stacks of records to his right. He flipped through them and looked at each one very intently while he spoke to Thomas. 

“So, other than that crazy mid-morning rush,” He said with a hint of a smile. “How’s the day been?” 

Thomas gave Newt a very boring rundown of his day and its events, which mostly consisted of the commute to work that morning and all the horrible drivers he encountered. The story, while amusing, was not that interesting but Newt hung onto every single word Thomas said. Even when his gaze was on the records he continued to flip through, Thomas could tell he was being listened to. Thomas, despite how different the situations were, couldn’t help but compare Newt’s listening skills to his parents’ or their lack thereof. This was a nice change of pace and he easily did the same thing for Newt when he described his own day. 

Newt followed Thomas as he slowly made his way to the front counter. He briefly inspected some of what they walked past, but still gave his full attention to Thomas. He stood in front of the counter while Thomas went around the back and sat at his stool. Jorge was off a little ways fiddling with some instruments, paying no attention to the two of them. Newt watched him for a moment before turning back to the counter and setting a CD on top of it. Thomas looked down at it and then up at Newt before realizing what was going on. 

“You know,” He said. “You don’t have to buy anything. You won’t get in trouble for loitering.” 

“Consider this your late-morning rush.” Newt said, smiling. 

Thomas did, too, and rang him through when Newt nudged the disc in his direction. He handed Thomas a bill and shoved the change in his pocket. 

“Well, I should get going,” He said. “Have fun tonight.” He stepped away from the counter. 

“Tonight,” Thomas echoed. He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten. Especially when he’d been thinking about it right before Newt had gotten here. “Oh my god, I forgot my plans were cancelled tonight.” 

This brought Newt back up to the counter and Thomas wasn’t sure if he only imagined the way Newt’s face lit up at this. 

“Is that so?” He said. 

Thomas nodded. “If your offer still stands, I’d like to come by tonight.”

Newt grinned. “Absolutely.” 

“Great,” Thomas said. “And if you wanted to we could go to Reverie for a bit after.”

“Sounds great. Come by around 7?”

“Can’t wait.” Which was very true. Newt lingered by the counter for a moment before heading for the door. He said goodbye to Jorge on the way out who rejoined Thomas shortly after. Thomas kept watching the door, even after Newt had left. He knew he was smiling and he knew Jorge was watching him, but he didn’t care much. 

The rest of the day went slow. It didn’t help that Thomas spent much of the day watching the clock, but it wasn’t busy, either, and he desperately wanted out. It was rare that he wanted to leave so badly, but his evening plans outweighed the peace of work by a lot. 

If the rest of work had been bad, though, home was much worse. He spent the three hours between getting home and the time Newt told him to come over in agony, watching the second hand tick by slower than ever. He spent a lot of it lying on his bed with his feet propped against the wall. Not like this made time go by any quicker, but nothing else had worked anyways, so he stayed like that for a while. 

Shortly after his parents got home, his mom came downstairs to check on him. He’d heard her coming down the stairs and her approach the door. There was a brief pause between that and her light knock. 

“Come in.” She walked in and stopped when she saw the position he’d found himself in. 

“Everything okay?” She asked. 

“Mhm,” Thomas maneuvered himself so he was sitting upright. “Just bored.” 

She nodded, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. Thomas could tell she had something to say, but he was unable to read her expression. He hoped whatever it was wouldn’t derail his plans for tonight or put a damper on his mood. He watched her as she looked anywhere but him. 

“Did you need something?” He was careful to make his tone curious, rather than defensive. 

She finally looked at him and her expression seemed surprised, as if she’d forgotten he was even there. She was quick to cover it up with a slight smile. 

“No, I just came to check up on you.” It was a blatant lie, but Thomas wasn’t going to push it. “Do you have anything going on tonight?” 

Thomas hesitated. Technically he had to delude the truth a little no matter what because he couldn’t very well tell her where he was going, but that wasn’t what made him falter. It was hard to explain why he hadn’t told his parents about Newt yet. It’s not like they would be mad at him about hanging out with someone they didn’t know - they weren’t that restrictive - but it had been a while now since he and Newt started hanging out and it seemed late to start telling his parents about him now. Even if they knew he was around. Up until now, every time Thomas had done something with Newt, the situation seemed hard to explain and his relationship with his parents wasn’t in the best place. Now, though, seemed like a good time to slip in the fact that they were friends. 

“I’m hanging out with Teresa’s cousin.” He said. The look of surprise on his mom’s face was justified this time. 

“Just the two of you?” She asked. Thomas nodded. “Have you done that before?” It wasn’t accusatory; just curious. 

Thomas thought over his next words carefully. “A couple times,” He said. “But mostly only if we’re waiting for everyone else to show up or we’re the only one’s left.” That seemed like a good enough answer. 

“Okay, well have fun.”

She stayed for a few more minutes while they exchanged pleasantries about their days and then headed back upstairs. Thomas stayed in his room for a painfully slow 40 minutes before his mom called him upstairs for dinner. He made the same small talk with his dad, helped wash dishes to pass the time, and spent the rest of the painful hour in his room waiting for the last few minutes to pass until it was time to leave. 

Upon getting home, Thomas had given himself an exact time that he could leave so he wouldn’t get impatient and get there half an hour early. It had been very hard to do so, but the second the clock hit the time Thomas had been waiting for, he bolted upstairs, shouted a hurried ‘goodbye’ to his parents, and left the house. 

Thomas tried to drive at the speed limit, but he definitely got there sooner than he should have. Which, inturn, led him to be a few minutes early. He wasn’t sure if that was why he lingered in his car, or if he was attempting to prepare himself for the evening ahead. He definitely needed that extra time, but it still wasn’t enough. 

When the clock in his car told him it was 7:00, he took a deep breath and stepped out. He pressed the button for Newt’s apartment and a moment later there was a buzz indicating the door had been unlocked. The elevator up to Newt’s floor felt even longer this time now that he was alone. Though, it was possible he was just anxious. When the elevator reached his desired floor, Thomas slowly approached Newt’s door, waited a beat, and then knocked. He heard Newt moving around inside and then the door opened. 

Newt obviously stood on the other side, greeting Thomas with a lopsided grin. Thomas had attempted to prepare himself for this on the drive over, but he had clearly failed to do so. Newt had changed since he’d seen him this morning and his current attire was something a little more suited to going out. It was a cliche thing to think, he knew, but he felt it in the way that his heart beat a little faster. He wondered how long he could keep lying to himself about how he was feeling. 

“Hi,” Newt said, swinging the door open wider. Thomas walked inside and gave himself a second to take it all in. He pondered whether or not the awe of seeing the apartment would ever go away. He thought the same thing of the person who lived here. Newt closed the door which brought Thomas back to the reality of where they were. 

If Thomas was being honest, he wasn’t entirely sure what the reality of ‘where they were’ was. At the moment, he was aware that he was alone with Newt in his giant apartment where there was talk of a bottle of wine. That alone was enough to overwhelm Thomas a little bit, but the fact that he didn’t know what that hypothetical bottle of wine meant or what him being here meant. He really didn’t know what to think. He knew what he wanted to think, but he had been wrong several times before. There was something different about this one, though, that made him certain he wouldn’t be wrong. He couldn’t be; he really didn’t want to be. 

It was that bit of uncertainty that held him back, making him unable to even admit it to himself yet. Yes, he knew exactly what it was he was feeling. There was no other name for the way his heart was beating a little bit faster right now and no other reason why these moments would mean so much to him. But there was still a part of him that felt wary about any kind of reciprocation, and so he said nothing. Not yet. 

“So,” Newt said. “Would you like to see the finished product?” 

Thomas looked at Newt. It was pretty clear to both of them that Thomas was not just here to look at a room he’d helped to paint, but because he didn’t yet know why Newt thought he was here, he went along with it. 

“Yes,” He said, smiling. “I would.” 

Newt led him to the room Thomas had spent a good portion of the previous weekend in and opened the door. Even though Thomas had helped paint it and knew exactly what to expect as far as the colors went, he was still surprised at how different the room was from the first time he’d been in it. It was a huge contrast from the gloomy state it had been in to the warm, inviting state it was in now. The other thing was that it was no longer a bedroom like Newt said it had been, but an office. It had come furnished, so Thomas could see the traces of a bedroom in the bed that was pushed into the corner. It was covered with decorative pillows to give it the essence of a couch with a small coffee table in front of it. 

Thomas turned to Newt, very impressed with what he had done in such a short amount of time. “Wow,” He said. “It looks really good.” 

Newt grinned, clearly proud of what he had done. “Thanks! It looks a lot better now that it’s not so dreary, right? I hate to think of having to paint it grey again before I move out.” 

The idea of the room being as drab as it had been when Thomas had first seen it was almost enough to make him sad. “Well, if you’re looking for help then, too, you can let me know.” 

“Something tells me that will be a lot less fun than the first time, but I might take you up on that.” Newt looked into the room and leaned against the doorframe. He got a kind of wistful look on his face and it was one Thomas recognized. “It finally feels like home, anyways.” 

Thomas looked around the room. He knew how Newt got around this subject and he didn’t want to say anything that might ruin what was only the beginning of their night, but Newt was the one who had brought it up first. 

“Is this what it was like back at home?” 

Newt looked at him and almost immediately said, “No,” Thomas could no longer read his expression. “I mean it feels like my home.” 

Thomas didn’t know what to say. He had never lived on his own, only with his parents, so he couldn’t really relate on the same level that Newt was talking about. He did, however, understand the idea of doing things for himself and making them his own. 

Whatever Newt’s problems were with whatever was back at home made him crave a sense of independence and Thomas could see that in what he’d done with this apartment. While he didn’t know what kind of issues Newt had, he knew this apartment - despite being paid for by his parents - was Newt’s way of living his life the way he wanted to. Thomas always hoped that’s what he would be able to do when he left for college, but the closer it got the less likely that seemed. He was happy Newt was getting a chance to do so here. 

Thomas and Newt let the solemn silence fill the room. Unlike many of the other times Newt had gone quiet like this, Thomas didn’t feel worried or uncomfortable. He just felt like he understood. Not in the ways that made him know what thoughts were going around in Newt’s head right now, but he understood what being in this room meant. Thomas was pretty sure every time he spoke to Newt, he was beginning to understand him a little bit more. 

Without saying anything, Newt stepped out of the room and trusted that Thomas was following. He was, but hesitated when he stepped out of the room. Every time he’d been over - which, granted, was only twice - the door to this room had been closed, sealing off whatever was inside. But it was brighter now and it was something he had helped to make. Thomas let the door stay open before trailing after Newt into the kitchen. 

Newt was digging through a cupboard, so Thomas took a seat on a barstool and waited for Newt to finish doing whatever he was doing. When he turned around, he had two wine glasses and a bottle of red in his hands. 

“As promised,” He said, setting it all down on the counter. “I hope this is okay.”   
Thomas smiled. “It absolutely is.” 

Newt filled one glass about halfway and put significantly less in the other. He handed the one with more in it to Thomas, who graciously accepted, and kept the other for himself. Newt stayed where he was with the counter in between them. Thomas considered moving closer, but stayed still. 

“So,” Thomas said. “Where did you get this? Do you have some kind of connection already?” 

Newt lowered his glass and grinned. “I actually hear you and I have the same connection.” 

Thomas was confused, wondering how and why Newt would know something like that, before it occurred to him. “Oh, Teresa’s mom got this for you.” 

“It was a housewarming present,” Newt said. “Now, I know I’m of legal age back at home, but it seemed like an odd gift for someone who is underage here.” 

“It is, but I’m not going to complain.” He gestured to his near-empty glass and smiled. 

Newt emptied his glass much sooner than Thomas as he was going to be driving and didn’t want to drink too much, and patiently waited for Thomas to finish. He placed their empty glasses next to the sink, grabbed a jacket, and they both left the apartment. 

Once downtown, Thomas had to give Newt directions on how to get to Reverie. He ended up parking a couple blocks away where there was less traffic. The short walk over was actually pretty nice. The weather was finally starting to feel like spring after a long and cold winter, and despite the lack of parking, there were not that many people out. Of course, it could have been below zero with the sidewalks packed full, and Thomas would still be happy to be where he was. 

Thomas glanced at Newt. He hadn’t had enough to get him anywhere close to drunk, but whatever he was feeling sure made him feel as giddy as he did when he was. As much as Thomas had been looking forward to hanging out with Gally tonight, he knew he wouldn’t be feeling...whatever he was feeling right now if his original plans hadn’t fallen through. 

When Newt almost kept walking, Thomas stopped him and gestured down the alley. He went ahead first and Newt fell into step beside him. 

“You know,” Newt said. It was the first time either of them had spoken since leaving the car. “You have no idea how confusing it was when you brought me here the first time. This guy I barely knew in a city I was very unfamiliar with, leading me down a dank alley late at night, without telling me where we were going. It was very unnerving.” 

Thomas laughed. “Yeah, I didn’t think about that until it was too late. You made it out alive, though.” 

“Yeah, let’s hope I do again tonight.” 

Thomas looked at him and smiled before pulling open the backdoor to Reverie. He let Newt step in first and shut the door behind him, leaving them both in the dimly lit hall. Thomas hadn’t been here in so long, but he knew the building well enough to not need the lights to guide him. Although, every time he came here the hall seemed longer than the last time. 

When Newt stumbled behind him, not accustomed to the dark, Thomas reached behind unthinking and grabbed onto Newt’s hand. It had been an impetuous decision, but as soon as he wrapped his hand around Newt’s, he almost tripped in an attempt to prevent Newt from doing so. There was a mild lurch in his step as he did his best to recover. He was so blindsided by his own impulsive decision that he almost didn’t notice the way Newt tensed up completely before relaxing into it. He did, though. He noticed the hesitancy and the strain in Newt’s loose grip, and he felt the way all that disappeared as he let Thomas lead him down the hall. Now Thomas was kind of hoping this hallway would never end. 

It did, though, and just before it did Newt dropped his hand from Thomas’. There was just enough light to see where they were going and it brought them to the back entrance of the club where Aris’ brother was sitting, as usual. He looked up when they got closer and greeted them with a friendly smile.

“Hey, Thomas,” He said. “Haven’t seen you in a while. How’ve things been?” 

“Pretty good, you?” 

He gestured in notion of agreement. “Staying out of trouble?”   
“Whenever possible,” Thomas said, then gestured to Newt. “You remember Teresa’s cousin, Newt?” He was pretty sure he never would have met Newt, other than the time they’d been here last, but he assumed Aris had probably mentioned the name before. Might as well put a name to a face now that Newt was around more often. 

They exchanged pleasantries before he let the two of them in while subtly reminding them of the rules. Newt and Thomas thanked him and snuck past into the club. It was clear, as soon as they did, that all of the filled parking spaces outside had been courtesy of Reverie as the place was packed. It wasn’t even that late, but the dance floor was already crowded, there was no space at the bar, and there were very few booths and tables left open. 

Thomas and Newt snuck through the crowds and went in search of someplace they could sit. It took a few minutes, but they finally found a booth near the back which they claimed before anyone else could beat them to it. 

They began speaking over the music as soon as they sat down. At times it was kind of hard to hear due to the volume of both the band and the crowd, but they kept the conversation going for a while. When the band - which was doing primarily covers from the 80’s that Thomas recognized because of his dad - switched songs to one Thomas really liked, he got a rush of bravery likely spurred because of the somewhat accidental handhold a few minutes ago. 

“Do you want to dance?” Thomas asked. It was normally something he wouldn’t do sober, but if Newt agreed he definitely wouldn’t be opposed. 

It was very clear, however, that he would not be agreeing based on the way he began laughing after Thomas asked him. Thomas knew it wasn’t something he should take personal, but he couldn’t help but do so anyways. 

“Sorry,” Newt said. “I didn’t mean to laugh, but in a room this crowded when I’m sober…” He trailed off, but Thomas got the point. 

“Yeah, I get that. Normally I would be the same way, but…” Thomas also trailed off, unsure of where exactly he was going with that. Certainly he wasn’t about to tell Newt that after holding his hand for 7 seconds he suddenly wanted to be that close again. It couldn’t have been that, despite all attempts to ignore whatever it was he was feeling, tonight it was undeniable that there were feelings he didn’t know how to deal with. Except it was about to be something like both of those things, so he cut himself off before he could say anything at all. “Well, if you have to be sober, do you at least want some water?” Thomas asked in an attempt to avert the conversation away from whatever it was he was about to say. 

“Sure,” Newt said. Thomas was glad he didn’t press further and that he now had an excuse to leave the table to clear his head.

He pushed his way through the crowd and made it up to the bar where he got two bottles of water which were thankfully given out free here. Thomas thanked the bartender and headed back for the table that Newt was waiting for him at. 

By the time he sat down, the band had launched into much more loud and upbeat covers that were near impossible to talk over. He handed Newt one of the bottles and could just make out the ‘thank you’ he shouted at him. 

They sat in silence for the next few songs, but not for a lack of words. The band and the crowd had gotten continuously louder, making it very hard to hear anything either of them might say, even with only a table between them. While Thomas did want to be able to talk to Newt, the inability did give him a chance to think. Whether that was a good thing or not, he wasn’t sure. 

He began thinking about the first time he had brought Newt here. That had been only a couple weeks ago, and Thomas really hadn’t known anything about Newt then. Sometimes he felt like he still didn’t. There were things about himself that Newt kept so secret, but it was so obvious to Thomas that things were not as okay as he liked to pretend they were. In the first few weeks that they had known each other, Thomas had been so wrapped up in his own issues and he really didn’t know if he’d just been so focused on that that he didn’t notice Newt had issues of his own, or if Newt hadn’t displayed them the way he sometimes did now. Thomas didn’t want to be so self-absorbed anymore. He wanted to help Newt in the same ways he’d helped him. He didn’t want to pry, but there were ways he could be there for Newt without knowing what was going on. 

By the time Thomas’ thoughts had found some sort of conclusive decision, the band had switched to a quieter song that could actually be spoken over. He looked to Newt who was watching either the band or the crowd. Thomas couldn’t tell which. 

“Hey,” He said. It was still a little too loud, though, so Thomas had to try again a bit louder. On the third try when Newt finally heard, he looked at Thomas. Thomas looked back at him. He knew there were some things about Newt that he wouldn’t learn about for a while, but he was okay with that. He didn’t need to know everything right away or at all. There were things he didn’t know about Newt, and there were things Newt didn’t know about him. That was okay. 

“What?” Newt asked. He was smiling and Thomas wasn’t sure if it was directed at him or because he was having a good time, but it didn’t matter much as long as he was happy. 

“Do you want to know why I actually like coming here?” 

Newt frowned. “I thought it was because you liked the music.” 

Thomas looked at the band that was currently playing a song he recognized to be one of his dad’s favorites. Thinking about his dad almost made him feel guilty for sitting here when he knew how disappointed his parents would be if they knew. Almost. He looked back to Newt. 

“That’s part of it.” He said. 

“Okay,” Newt said. “What’s the real reason, then?” 

“I have obeyed my parents my entire life,” Thomas said. “About all the big things. Whenever they told me to do something or that I should make a different decision, I listened to them. When I wanted to take an art class in high school and they said no because ‘it wouldn’t improve my résumé,’ I didn’t take an art class. When they told me I shouldn’t date a girl I was interested in because I was ‘a high school senior now and don’t need anything to distract me,’ I didn’t date her.”

“When they told you to apply to their alma mater despite it not being your first choice, you applied.” Newt interjected. He looked somewhat guilty for doing so, but Thomas smiled. It was a kind of bitter smile, but that was not directed at Newt, rather the accuracy of his comment. 

“That, too,” He said. “Anyways, I’ve always listened to them. Yeah, I go to the occasional party and I got jobs they don’t approve of, but I never actively rebel against them. The first time I came here, I was nervous the entire time. I was sure I was going to get caught, so I couldn’t relax, I couldn’t have fun, I couldn’t do anything at first. As the night went on, I finally started to let loose a little bit and soon I realized how much fun it was. I was still nervous, but it was also so liberating to be actively doing something I knew my parents would hate. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t drink, that it was loud and crowded, and that anyone could see me here and tell my parents. For the first time in my life it felt like I was finally doing something that was just for me. My parents didn’t know about it and had no say in it, and that felt really good. It still does.” 

Newt pondered Thomas’ words for a moment. Eventually, he got a thoughtful look on his face and nodded. “Like, they’re so present in every other aspect of your life, that finally having something they didn’t know about felt really good.” 

Thomas smiled, relieved Newt knew exactly what he was trying to say. “Exactly. Even if all I’m doing is dancing and drinking water.” Newt looked at Thomas for a beat before turning to the crowd. He considered the very full dance floor and a slow smile came over his face. He looked back at Thomas.

“Do you still want to dance?” He asked. 

Thomas looked at him. He would have wondered if he’d heard him wrong given how loud it had been thus far, but Newt had just happened to ask as the band faded out of a song. 

“Really?” Thomas asked. “What happened to no dancing when sober?” 

“Normally,” Newt said. “But I think tonight I can make an exception.”

Thomas grinned. It had been true when Thomas had said that he normally wouldn’t dance sober in a crowd like this, either, but what he hadn’t let himself finish saying was that it didn’t matter tonight. Tonight he didn’t want there to be a table separating him and Newt. Tonight he wanted to remember the feeling of Newt’s palm warm against his own. Tonight he wanted to dance and he wanted to dance with Newt. 

They finished what was left of their water and threw the bottles into a nearby recycling bin before finding themselves in the middle of the crowd. It was a lot of swaying and not knowing what to do at first, but it didn’t take long for both of themselves to throw all inhibitions out the window. Everyone here was too drunk and too caught up in their own lives to care about two boys in a huge crowd. 

They started out with some distance between them. They were close enough that they couldn’t be separated by the groups of people around them, but far enough away that they weren’t bumping into each other. Thomas hadn’t really noticed when they started getting closer, so he didn’t notice how it happened. Whether it was them unknowingly moving towards each other or the crowds pushing them together, Thomas had no idea. But the next thing he knew, Newt was standing right in front of him. So close that if he wanted to reach out and hold onto him, he could. And he wanted to. He wanted to grab Newt by the waist, pull him in until there was no room left, and get lost. He wanted to stand so close that he forgot there was anyone else in the room. 

The wine that Thomas had at Newt’s earlier had worn off ages ago, but the way he felt made it seem like it hadn’t. His chest was warm, his head was light, and he couldn’t stop smiling. But he had never felt more sober and he’d never felt more awake in his life. He watched Newt who was smiling as well and it looked like he had no idea he was doing so. His eyes were lit up, his hair was messy, and he was free. They both were. It was this that reaffirmed how sober Thomas was in this moment despite feeling otherwise. And that made Thomas brave enough to finally stop ignoring every single feeling he’d shoved to the side. 

Newt looked at Thomas, his smile grew, and Thomas gave up on pretending. Thomas wanted Newt and he had for a while now. It was no longer possible to deny how strong his feelings were. Thomas threw it all out the window and in one more surge of bravery, he stepped forward. 

Unfortunately, he didn’t get any further than that before Newt’s expression changed, and not in a good way. His smile faltered and he came to a stop. He took a step away from Thomas before opening his mouth. He said a couple things that Thomas didn’t hear before slipping through the crowd and out of sight. 

Thomas was sure it had been obvious what he had been about to do and because of Newt’s reaction, his heart sank. Had he misread things that badly? He wouldn’t have been that surprised to find out Newt didn’t feel the same way - he didn’t even know if he wasn’t straight - but he thought he’d be rejected a little gentler than that. 

As embarrassed as he was, Thomas knew he had to find Newt before he got too far away. Thankfully, he’d been able to make out the word ‘air’ when Newt had been speaking and he’d gone in the direction of the back exit where they’d entered through, so Thomas headed that way. He tried not to think too hard about what had just happened, rather focus on finding Newt, but it was admittedly hard not to do so. He really had thought Newt might feel the same, so running away stung a little. 

Thomas kept an eye out as he made his way to the back, but he didn’t spot anybody that quite resembled Newt. He found the stool that Aris’ brother sat on empty which meant he was probably on break. That meant the back door they’d gone in through would be locked. Honestly, Thomas wasn’t even sure why that door existed as an entry point, because he had never seen anyone but him and his friends use it. He was pretty sure most people didn’t even know it existed. 

When Thomas turned the corner to the hallway where he’d held Newt’s hand earlier, he wondered if Newt had tried to go outside but found it locked, or if this was as far as he’d tried to go. He was leaning against the wall about halfway down. It was hard to get a good look at him when it was so poorly lit, but it was obviously him. Thomas stopped when he saw him. He really didn’t know what to say; maybe he should have thought of that while searching. 

As it turned out, he didn’t have to worry about that because Newt spoke before Thomas could even come up with an opening line. He hadn’t even known Newt knew he was there. 

“I’m sorry.” Newt said without looking up. 

It wasn’t much, but it was enough to help Thomas come up with the very obvious question. He moved closer until he was only a few feet away. That seemed like a safe distance. “Are you okay?” 

Newt looked at him. “Yeah,” He said, cleary lying. “It was just getting really hot. Needed some air.” 

“Right,” Thomas said. “I’m sorry for…” He didn’t know how to finish that sentence. Sorry for misreading things? For scaring him off? For almost kissing him? The list was endless, but Thomas still didn’t know how to finish. 

“Don’t be.” Newt pushed himself off of the wall so he and Thomas were standing face to face. He kept his arms crossed. “I shouldn’t have ran away.” 

“No, look, I guess I just misread things,” Thomas said. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” 

Newt got an odd look on his face that Thomas couldn’t read. “It isn’t that,” He said. Before he continued, he looked behind him at the empty expanse of hall, then past Thomas at more of the same. When he looked back at Thomas he took a step forward and repeated himself. “It’s none of that. I just-I don’t like crowds, Tommy.” 

He said it hesitantly, as if he weren’t quite saying what he meant. Thomas was pretty sure he wasn’t and he was pretty sure he knew what he was meaning to say. Then again, he’d been ‘pretty sure’ about some things back on the dance floor, too. 

Except this time, it was Newt that was moving forward and Thomas no longer felt like he was wrong about this. He looked up at the couple inches Newt had on him as the distance between them grew less and less, and as Newt lifted his hand up to Thomas’ face, any doubt he had went away. As he closed his eyes, the sound of the music from inside was in his head louder than ever. It rang out in his ears and he felt the bass in his fingertips as he curled them around Newt’s waist. It got louder and louder, but it all went away when Newt kissed him. 

All Thomas knew in that moment was how warm Newt’s fingers were against his jaw and how delicate his lips were against his own. Everything about it was gentle, as though they were both unsure any of this was actually happening. The only thing that wasn’t calm was the way Thomas could hear his heartbeat ringing in his ears, but even that was dull compared to the delicacy with which Newt kissed him. 

Newt had been right to run away. A first kiss like this one wasn’t meant to be had in a crowd like that one. A first kiss like this one was meant for only them, away from anybody else, when nothing else had to matter. Where nothing was important except this kiss and the two of them. Right now, the world didn’t matter outside of them. Thomas let go of every fear, worry, problem he had and held on a little tighter to Newt, and to this reality he had found himself in. He never wanted to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))))))) hope you liked this one. i really enjoyed writing it


	14. fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow an update only a week after the last one!?! that hasn't happened in months! that means i either have a lot of spare time on my hands or i've been doing a lot of procrastinating as far as school goes. it's definitely the latter.
> 
> also i just want to say that i have no idea how the process of applying to college works in the states, but i can't imagine it's that much different from the way it is in canada. of course, the way i'm writing it here is not at all like it is in canada, so if i'm way off base, i really don't care. the plot works better if i do it like this so.
> 
> one more thing: i'm sorry that i suck at ending chapters. conclusions have always been a weak point for me, which sucks because the ending of a chapter is what's supposed to make a reader want to continue. it's something i'm working on, though

The silence was the worst part. It was about a 25 minute drive from Reverie to Newt’s place, and the first 16 were spent in complete silence. Not even the radio was left on for a sort of white noise, and it was driving Thomas crazy. 

Neither of them had said much since everything happened. After Newt stopped the kiss, Thomas had so many things he wanted to say, but his mind couldn’t form a single comprehensive thought. He’d looked to Newt, hoping to find the words by doing so, but found himself even more confused than before. Newt had a look on his face that Thomas couldn’t decipher. When he realized Thomas was looking at him, he cleared his throat and said, ‘It’s late, we should go.’ That was all either of them had said since and Thomas was dying to say something. Anything. But there was something that held him back and it wasn’t just a lack of words. 

About 10 minutes away from Newt’s house during the longest drive Thomas had ever endured, Newt finally spoke. Thomas had spent all his time since Newt stepped away from him wondering what he should say and what Newt would say when he finally spoke. Still, even after all the time for thinking, he’d been unable to conjure up any reasonable thing that Newt might say. He had no idea what to expect. 

“Did you know?” Newt asked. Thomas looked at him. He’d cast a couple brief glances in his direction, but he didn’t want to get caught staring and looking at Newt had just confused him even more. Newt was staring straight ahead at the road. He was frowning and Thomas was finally able to read his expression as concerned. 

“Know what?” Thomas asked. Newt looked at him for the first time since leaving Reverie, but when he caught Thomas’ eye, he looked away just as quick. 

His jaw was tense, his gaze was sharp, and his knuckles were turning white from how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. Thomas had seen him like this only once and it had been when the topic of his parents had come up. He still had no idea what kind of dirty laundry Newt was keeping, but he had a feeling he was about to learn a little bit more. 

“Did you know that I’m gay?” 

There it was. Thomas had been waiting for some kind of confirmation that he may have a chance for a while now and there it was. Of course, Newt kissing him had been a pretty good indication, but it was nice to hear it in words. Just because Newt was gay, though, didn’t mean he would be interested in Thomas, and that thought was what had Thomas silently begging for this car ride to end. He knew being rejected - no matter how gentle - would suck, but being rejected in a moving car when he could go nowhere and do nothing would be unbearable. 

“No,” Thomas said. “I had no idea.”

They were stopped at a redlight, so Newt finally looked at him for more than just a second. Thomas couldn’t keep up with the emotions on Newt’s face, so he gave up even trying to figure any of them out. 

“So you just kissed me in hopes that I was?” 

“Technically you kissed me.” Newt narrowed his eyes a little bit. “Okay, yeah, I was going to kiss you, but I had no idea. When you ran away I thought maybe I made you uncomfortable and that was you rejecting me.” 

“I think I could have let you down a little easier than that if I was straight.” 

“Have you met a straight guy?” That comment was enough to make Newt smile slightly, which made Thomas feel a little better. Only a little. “So why did you leave then?” Thomas asked.

“I told you; I don’t like crowds.” Just like the first time he said it, there were underlying words that he wasn’t saying. 

Thomas thought about it for a moment. Looking back on it, it hadn’t seemed impulsive. It hadn’t been for Thomas and that was clear, but it hadn’t seemed like Newt had just made a snap decision. He would have had time to think about it after running away from Thomas and he wouldn’t have done it if he thought it was a bad idea. It hadn’t felt uncomfortable, either. That’s what Thomas thought, but now he wasn’t so sure. 

“Was it a mistake?” Thomas asked. “Kissing me?” 

“Yes,” Newt’s response was so instant and Thomas was pretty sure he could physically feel his heart breaking. He could have handled a rejection. Yeah, it would have sucked, but he would have gotten over it. But this had been so blunt and it stung. “I mean, no-no it wasn’t a mistake. It was…” Newt was quick to undo what he’d said, but he was clearly unable to figure out what he was trying to say. Thomas still felt a little hurt, but he really didn’t know what Newt was trying to say, either. 

It was then, as Newt stumbled over his words, that he pulled up in front of his apartment. He put the car in park, but he didn’t take his keys out and he stopped trying to form any coherent thought. He sighed and then fell silent. Thomas considered getting out without saying anything because he desperately wanted out, but he didn’t want to leave on such uncertain terms. He stayed and settled for silence, figuring Newt would sort out his thoughts soon. 

“I had a boyfriend back at home; it was nothing serious. We met in one of my econ classes and we started casually hanging out. Neither of us ever really thought we would go anywhere because it was kinda just for fun, but things ended sooner than either of us really expected.” 

Thomas stayed as quiet and as still as he could. He was honestly afraid that if he made any noise, Newt would stop speaking, and Thomas was pretty sure he was about to hear a story about Newt that not many people had heard. Thomas watched as Newt stared out the window with a somewhat vacant look on his face. 

“It was just shy of a month when my dad found out,” Newt continued. “I hadn’t told him about it. My mum knew, and that’s how he figured it out. She didn’t mean to tell him, but it slipped one day and he was not happy about it. I knew he wouldn’t be and that’s why I hadn’t told him. He was a very traditional guy and I knew where he stood on issues like...that. So he found out, he freaked out, and he made me stop seeing him. I did because I still lived with them, but things didn’t get better. They actually got a lot worse and staying there was awful. While the final decision to leave and come here was my own, my dad pretty much held the door open for me. They don’t pay for my apartment and my tuition because they love me; they pay for it to keep me away from home. And that’s the real reason I’m here.” 

Thomas had been waiting for that since he’d met Newt almost a month ago. He’d been curious what brought Newt here so spontaneously and why Newt was so weird about the subject of his family since they’d met, but he could honestly say he hadn’t been expecting that. He hadn’t exactly had theories to his curiosities, but he could honestly say if he had, that would not have made the top five. And for that, Thomas had no idea what to say. 

Obviously Thomas knew that there were people who didn’t have it easy the same way he did. Not once had anyone given him a hard time about his sexuality and he didn’t hide it. He’d always had it easy and he didn’t realize how much he took that for granted until right now. 

“Wow,” He finally said. “Newt, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine…” He trailed off. He didn’t even know how to express that he was sorry. 

Newt nodded. There was so much both of them could have said in that moment - so much Thomas knew he wanted to say - but neither of them could seem to say any of it. Thomas still had a lot of questions about Newt’s past, his family, his home, but Newt had already given up so much tonight and Thomas didn’t want to pry. There would be time to learn more. He hoped. He realized that after tonight, Newt may not want much to do with him anymore. That thought hadn’t really occurred to Thomas until now. 

“What about your mom?” Thomas asked. He wanted to know at least one more thing. 

“What about her?” Newt still hadn’t looked at Thomas and it was getting almost unnerving. 

“You said she knew about your boyfriend and it was your dad who was unhappy with it. What about her?” 

Newt contemplated that question. “She was okay with it. Never seemed to have a problem with it. All she ever said was, ‘don’t tell dad.’ That’s it. But then she told dad. And I know it was an accident, but I still find it ironic that she was so adamant that dad not find out, but it was her who ended up telling him. She didn’t necessarily push me to go like he did, but she didn’t try very hard to stop it, either.” 

Thomas still had so many questions, but he decided to leave it at that for now. Newt had told him enough. 

“I’m sorry.” Thomas said again. There didn’t seem to be much else to say. 

Newt finally looked at him again. He didn’t look worried or angry or anything; just defeated. Like sharing all of this had taken something out of him. Thomas wondered if he’d ever told the story to anyone before. 

“That’s why I ran away,” Newt said. “When I realized you were about to kiss me, I freaked out because that’s never been an option for me. I’ve had a couple casual relationships in the past - nothing serious - and they’ve all had to be secret. I’ve never been able to be open about any of them. So you trying to kiss me surrounded by so many people in such a public space...that was honestly kind of scary to me.” 

“I’m sorry.” It was all Thomas could seem to say, but nothing else really seemed appropriate. Newt didn’t acknowledge that apology, either. 

“You’re lucky that everyone has always been supportive of you, Thomas,” Newt said. “I’m not used to that. I’ve never had people be okay with it, and if they are, they tell me to hide it. Kissing you so close to so many people was...even that was scary for me. It was spontaneous and that’s why I said it was a mistake. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t expect to. I just...I don’t even know how to be open about this.” 

When Thomas was pretty sure Newt was done, he asked, “So what do you want to do?” 

Newt thought about that for a while. It was a long, stretched out silence that fell between the question and the answer and Thomas dreaded what was going to come next. He would understand whatever Newt would say because he recognized this couldn’t be easy for him, but the waiting was unbearable. 

“I don’t know. The problem is…” Newt started. He pondered his next words and Thomas was sure - given the way the sentence started - the next ones wouldn’t be good ones. “The problem is that I like you.” 

Which had not been what Thomas was expecting. He had really been expecting Newt to say that he didn’t have feelings for him or that he wasn’t attracted to him. Nothing like this. 

“You do?” Thomas asked. 

“Yeah, I do.” Newt said. “And I don’t know what to do about that. I’ve liked people before, but not-This is different. And I don’t know what to do about that.” 

“Think about it,” Thomas said. “Take some time, however much you need, and think about what you want. I don’t want this to be something that stresses you out, so take some time and give me a call when you figure out what you want.” 

Newt looked at him and he smiled. It wasn’t as bright as it usually was and he still looked a bit defeated, but it was a real and appreciative smile. 

“Okay,” He said. “I will.” 

Thomas smiled back. “Okay, I should head home then.” 

They got out of the car and Thomas wandered up to his own. Newt followed him and stopped just shy of the street. He watched as Thomas made his way to the driver’s side and opened the door before he said anything else. 

“Thomas,” Thomas stopped before getting in and looked at Newt. “Thank you. For being so understanding.” 

Thomas smiled again. “Yeah, of course.” They stared at each other for a moment. “Goodnight, Newt.” 

Newt took a couple steps away from the curb. “Goodnight.” 

Thomas drove home in silence. Tonight had turned into so much more than Thomas ever expected, but as he drove away and the lingering feeling of Newt’s lips against his own began fading, he truly hoped that the night wouldn’t end here. 

\---

Of course Thomas knew that Newt wasn’t going to figure everything out in one night, but there was still mild disappointment when he woke up the following morning to nothing. He hadn’t been expecting an answer, but he didn’t realize he had been expecting something from Newt to signify they were at least okay. When he opened his phone to find the screen blank, he felt a brief moment of concern before realizing he was overreacting. 

Thomas’ parents had left for work hours ago and he didn’t work until 5:30 that night. He knew if he stayed home all day, he would drive himself crazy thinking about what had happened the day before so he quickly got dressed and ready, then headed to Nina’s. 

It was as soon as Thomas parked his car that he realized there was a chance Newt might be there, too. While they hadn’t said anything about not seeing each other and there was nothing wrong with spending time together as a group, Thomas was pretty sure Newt would be able to figure things out a lot quicker if they didn’t see each other until he did. He sat in his car for an extra minute to consider his options, then decided there was nothing wrong with going inside. 

It was kind of busy for a late Friday morning. Thomas scanned the room to see if he could spot any of his friends - mostly Newt - in case they had the same idea as him, and when he didn’t find anybody, he had to search for an open spot. He made his way over and sat down at a table for two that was right near the counter. This table made it easier for Teresa to spot him when she walked out of the kitchen.

“Hey,” She said. She approached his table and set down the pot of coffee she was carrying. “How are you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while.” 

“I just saw you two days ago.” Thomas reminded her. 

“Really?” Thomas nodded. “Oh, sorry. This has been a weird week. I’ll be back in a few minutes, though. It’s super busy in here. Do you want a drink?” 

“Sure,” Thomas said. Teresa patted his shoulder as she picked up the pot of coffee and walked away. Thomas watched as she did so and then pulled out his phone when she stopped at another table to refill coffee mugs.

As he’d expected, there was nothing new. He didn’t know why he kept looking when he knew there wasn’t going to be anything, but he couldn’t help himself. He was going to drive himself crazy until Newt got ahold of him and he didn’t even know when that was going to be. He needed to find ways to relax before he stressed himself out too bad. 

About seven minutes later, Teresa exited the kitchen again and set a large, steaming mug on the table in front of Thomas. She sat down in the chair across from him and let out a sigh.

“I can’t believe how busy it is in here today. And it’s not even noon yet.” 

“Have you been working lots lately?” It was kind of a dumb question; Teresa worked all the time. Thomas had figured out, though, that if she said yes it meant she was about to burn out and desperately needed a break. If she said no, she was still doing okay. 

“No more than usual,” She said. “But by some kind of miracle mom decided I could have this weekend off, so come 3, I am done until Monday. What about you? Are you working today?” 

“Yeah, at 5:30.”

“What about tomorrow?” Teresa asked. “Jeff is throwing a party and I think Aris and I are going. You should come.” 

Thomas almost said no. With everything that had been going on in the past couple days, he really didn’t think he had it in him to go to a party. But after he reached for his phone again, he realized that maybe a party was exactly what he needed. He could hang out with a couple of his friends, he could drink just enough to forget what was bothering him, and he could sleep it off on Sunday because he didn’t work. Maybe that would be helpful. 

“Yeah, okay.” Thomas said. “I work until 10, but I can meet you guys there after.” 

“Awesome,” Teresa said. “Now, I hate to leave you again, but that four and a half minutes was all I got for a break. See you tomorrow, though?” 

Thomas agreed and said goodbye. He drank half of his coffee before going up to the counter to pay and then took off. The rest of the day was a wasted one. He drove around for a bit before going home, and then watched TV until he had to go to work. Saturday was a lot more of the same, but at least he had something to look forward to. Even more so, because he spent most of Friday and Saturday regularly checking his phone only to be disappointed when there was nothing there. He needed a night like tonight to get his mind off of it, or at the very least, put him in a better mood. 

As soon as he finished work for the night, Thomas drove over to Jeff’s who was hosting the party. The house was full of people he recognized from high school and others that he didn’t. He spent a few minutes searching for his friends, stopped in the kitchen for a drink, and kept looking. He found Aris sitting on the couch with Harriet who had been lucky enough to have this weekend off. He hadn’t seen either of them in a while. 

Aris noticed him first. “Hey, Thomas!” He made Harriet move over so Thomas could sit down next to them. “Did you just get here?” 

“Yeah, I just got off of work.”  
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. Teresa told me you would be coming.” 

The three of them talked for a while and made Thomas catch up with them as far as alcohol went. Thomas was pleased to find that his mood did, in fact, get better the drunker he got. 

At some point, Harriet disappeared and Aris and Thomas left in search of Teresa. They found her quite quickly, talking to some people they graduated with. When she realized Thomas was there, she said goodbye and approached the two of them. 

“Hey, Thomas!” She pulled him in for a hug, which told Thomas she was very drunk. “I’m so glad you came.” 

She stepped away and smiled at him. “I am, too,” He said. “I feel like I never do anything like this anymore and I actually miss it.” 

It was weird to think he missed going to high school parties, but the truth was that he missed what going to high school parties meant. Back when him and his friends could leave the house on a Friday or Saturday night, have a terrible but wonderful night, and then complain about hangovers together the next day. It was rare that he got to do that anymore. 

“Well, you’re here now,” She said. “Come on, let’s get you drunk.” 

He was already almost there, but he wasn’t opposed to getting closer. The three of them got enough drinks from the kitchen to last for a while and snuck off upstairs. They found an empty bedroom and Teresa locked the door behind her. 

When they were all in high school and went to these parties a lot more, there would always be a point in the night where everyone was done. Done with the crowds, done with the loud music, done with the stupid and drunk teenagers. When that happened, those of them who were still there would gather up enough drinks and find a secluded area of the house. They’d been to enough parties in this particular house to know where the best places were. 

Once inside, they sat in a circle on the floor and helped themselves to the drinks they’d brought with them. They chatted about mindless things for a while - work and school, all the people in the house that they hated, gossip about said people they hated - and drank as they went along. When Aris and Teresa got caught up in a conversation about a band Thomas was unfamiliar with, he silently checked himself out of the conversation and turned to his phone. Unsurprisingly, there was nothing there. Thomas hadn’t meant to sigh, nor did he realize he had until Teresa and Aris stopped their discussion to look at him. 

“Are you okay, Thomas?” Aris asked him. 

“Yeah, that’s, like, the fifth time you’ve looked at your phone since we got here. Are you waiting for someone to text you?” 

Thomas almost told them the truth, but he realized he couldn’t. Not only did Teresa not know he was close friends with Newt, but she didn’t know that Newt was gay. Neither of them did and that was certainly not Thomas’ place to say. This made Thomas realize two things, and he didn’t know which one bothered him more. 

The first one was the continued realization that Teresa did not know he and Newt were good friends. While Teresa had been making an effort with Newt and certainly didn’t dislike him the way she did at first, it would probably still be odd for her to know how close Newt and Thomas were getting. What would she possibly say if she knew they were...whatever they could be? Thomas was kind of glad that Teresa didn’t know about Newt, because it gave him another excuse as to why he couldn’t tell her of what had happened. He had no idea how she would react to something like that, and until he figured out what was going on himself, there was no need to put something like that on her. 

The other thing was that he couldn’t tell her about this. He couldn’t tell anybody about this, and Thomas told his friends everything. The only reason he hadn’t been anxious to tell anybody thus far was because he’d been so preoccupied with Newt not getting in touch with him yet. Now that he was fully aware that this was a secret he had to keep, it felt very weird not being able to tell anyone. This was a secret. He couldn’t tell any of his friends that he had feelings for somebody or that they’d kissed. It was a weird thing to keep to himself, but this was no longer about being worried about what Teresa would think. This was now a matter of keeping a secret for Newt. 

“No,” Thomas said. “I’m not waiting for anything.” 

If they hadn’t been drunk they probably wouldn’t have believed him and pried more, but luckily for Thomas, they were so they accepted his answer and moved on. 

When enough time had passed so asking would no longer be suspicious, Thomas interjected. 

“How are things going with you and Newt?” He asked Teresa. 

She didn’t say anything for a while, but she did nod her head a bunch as she searched for the words. “Better,” She said. “I mean, you know my problems with him were never personal so after hanging out with him, I’m realizing he’s a pretty nice person.” 

Thomas was relieved to hear her say that, but she didn’t stop there. “Something still feels weird, though. Like, I can’t place my finger on what it is, but there’s something about him that I just don’t understand. Maybe I still just haven’t come around to him yet, but…” She trailed off. Whether that was because she didn’t know what else to say or she forgot what she was going to say, Thomas wasn’t sure. 

“No, I get that,” Aris said. “He’s a really nice guy and I like him, but it feels like he’s hiding something.” 

Aris and Teresa began talking about that for a while, leaving Thomas somewhere in the middle. He didn’t want to come across as too suspicious by saying anything, and he knew anything he said would give it away, but it was hard to listen to them debate it when he knew exactly what they were referring to. He may not know everything, but he knew much more than his friends did. 

Thomas decided to just stay out of the conversation even though he’d started it. It wasn’t much longer after that they decided the night was over. Teresa called Brenda who had promised to come pick them all up when they wanted, and they all went outside to wait for her. 

When Brenda got there, she dropped off Aris and Teresa first. On the way to Thomas’, they chatted a bit about a lot of little things. Thomas wasn’t very drunk anymore, but he was quite tired so it was hard to hold a conversation. All but one of the lights were off when she pulled up to Thomas’, but he made no move to get out. She didn’t tell him to, either. 

By this point, Thomas knew all of his friends pretty well. He knew how they generally reacted to news, he knew how they were with secrets, and he knew which ones were the best to speak to about which issues. Because of all of this, Thomas knew that if he was going to talk to anyone, Brenda would be the best one to talk to. 

Of course, it didn’t matter how good Brenda was with secrets - and she was very good - this was not something Thomas could tell Brenda about. It was not his place to disclose what Newt had told him to another person. 

“What’s wrong?” Brenda asked. 

Thomas stared straight ahead. “I can’t tell you everything.” Because he knew she wouldn’t pry and demand he tell her. 

“Okay,” Brenda said. “So just tell me anything.”

She probably meant anything at all. Anything in the world that might be bothering him. But her phrasing made Thomas realize there were things he could say without giving away what he couldn’t. 

“Okay,” He thought about something - anything - he could say. It felt absurd to keep something this big from all of his friends, so all he had to do was find one thing that wouldn’t break Newt’s trust by telling a friend who wouldn’t ask for anything more. “I have a chance to do something that could make me very happy while making other people very unhappy. And while I don’t want to make anyone unhappy, I also don’t want to miss out an opportunity for something this good.” 

It was like speaking in riddles. He wanted to tell Brenda what was going on, but there was so much that she couldn’t know and too many details she could piece together if she tried. He wasn’t sure who he meant when he said ‘making other people unhappy’. Whether that was Teresa or Newt’s dad or maybe even Newt himself, in a different kind of way. But it was only now that Thomas realized how difficult a relationship with Newt might be. 

“Don’t live your life for others, Thomas.” Brenda said. “Be aware of them, but live for yourself first.” 

Thomas wasn’t sure how much this conversation would really do for him, but he did feel weirdly better having at least said something to someone. Even if it was in the vaguest possible way. He thanked Brenda and got out of the car, promising to talk to her soon. As he suspected, both his parents were asleep when he got inside. 

Once downstairs, Thomas went over all the possible ways a relationship with Newt may be a challenging one. There were several, but after he considered all of them, he realized what they all had in common; not a single one of them were issues with Newt. They all centered around someone else’s possible unhappiness, rather than Thomas’ or Newt’s. 

Being around Newt had never been difficult for Thomas. There had never been any discomfort or unhappiness about being with each other. Thomas didn’t care much anymore if it might upset people. If he could be happy with Newt, that was what he wanted. The only problem now was if that was what Newt wanted, too. Thomas sighed and closed his eyes, silently hoping that he would wake up to an answer in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like everything revealed here was what everybody has been waiting for. i hope it lived up to your expectations


	15. fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't expect updates to be this regular all the time. it was definitely some kinda luck that i managed to post 3, one right after another. also i know it's pretty cold in some places in the states, so if any of you are there, stay warm. it's -34c where i am for most of this week, but i really don't find that too bad. anyways, hope you all have a good week :)

He didn’t. There was nothing new on his phone when Thomas woke up on Sunday, and there was nothing new - from Newt, anyways - for the rest of the day. It was concerning, to say the least. He knew that this was something that took time and that he shouldn’t get so worked up about it, but that was hard to do. All weekend he tried to tell himself not to take it personally, but as the weekend got closer to its end, he got more discouraged. 

What would have been really nice was if he could have talked to someone about it, but that wasn’t happening either. This was something he had to keep to himself. Really, he wasn’t upset that he couldn’t tell anyone about this particular secret. He had no problem with this being a secret. It was just the idea of keeping something from his friends that was odd. He wasn’t used to doing something like that. Although, maybe if he could talk to someone about this, he wouldn’t feel so anxious about waiting. 

Of course, the only person Thomas could talk to about any of this still hadn’t gotten ahold of him. Not even by Monday morning, at which point Thomas had become less concerned, and more hopeless. After three and a half days of nothing - not even any pleasantries - he found hope was dwindling. He no longer had many expectations, but that did nothing to stop him from checking his phone anyways. 

As if that wasn’t bad enough, on Sunday night Jorge had texted Thomas to tell him he was going to be out of town for the day and that Thomas should just take it off. Thomas made the mistake of telling his parents this and, of course, they decided it would be a good idea for him to spend the day in the office. ‘How unproductive to have a Monday off!’ His father had said. 

Actually, his exact words had been, “No use in spending all that time doing nothing at home. How about you spend your day at the office?’ And even though it was phrased like a question, it definitely was not. 

So Thomas, already feeling hopeless, dreary, and discouraged was forced to spend his Monday in his father’s office. A place and a day that made him feel all three of those things without problems regarding his social life. 

Despite all of this, Thomas generally tried to put on the facade of a good attitude when he spent the day with his parents because acting otherwise would only put them in a bad mood. Today, however, he didn’t care and he didn’t have the energy to pretend he did. Today was the last day he wanted to be here and he didn’t care if they knew it. 

If they did, they didn’t show it because they went about their days acting like nothing was wrong. When he spoke to them, they pretended like he wasn’t obviously miserable and continued to shove menial tasks at him. All of which he did without complaining, but he made sure they could see how terrible of a time he was having. 

The only good thing was that by working here, he wasn’t allowed to be on his phone. If he was at Jorge’s, he would be consistently checking his phone only to be let down, just as he had been all weekend. Here, if he got caught even holding it, he would get a lecture from one of his parents about wasting time and productivity and a bunch of other words that no longer had any meaning to him. As much as he hated that every other time he worked here, he was pretty okay with it today. No matter how badly his fingers itched to check it, he knew a lecture would not be worth it. 

When Thomas’ mid-morning coffee break finally arrived after the longest hour and a half of his life, he was already counting down the minutes until he could go home for the day. Even thinking about going home for lunch didn’t feel like a long enough break away from the office. The only thing he had to look forward today was that his dad was going to be in court that afternoon, which meant the only person he had to worry about was his mom. She generally went easier on him when it was just her. Easier; not easy. 

This 15 minute break, though, really felt like all he had. The only bit of peace he had until he got to go home for a mere hour. It certainly wasn’t enough, but he would take what he could get. Given what kind of worker his dad was, he should feel lucky that he got breaks at all. He was pretty sure his dad didn’t take them most days. 

So now, Thomas walked into the small, but mostly empty, breakroom and sat down at the table. The only other person was one of the few workers Thomas didn’t actually know by name. He was pretty sure she was an intern or something and she hadn’t been working here for very long, but she knew who he was. Everyone knew who the bosses son was. 

“Hi, Thomas.” She said when he sat down. She just finished making a cup of coffee and turned to face him, leaning against the counter. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s it going?”

Thomas considered lying like he usually did to the people in this office, but he didn’t see the point in lying to her. “To be honest, it’s been a long week.”

She raised an eyebrow. “That’s kinda upsetting, considering it’s only Monday.” 

He hadn’t really meant the start of the week, rather the events in the last week, but her interpretation of his comment was still true. “I guess that just makes it worse.” 

She smiled sympathetically. “I hear you. College stressing you out?” 

Of course she would know. He was sure every single person in this office knew everything about his life when it came to college. Although, they only knew anything through his parents, so they really didn’t have any idea what he’d been dealing with. 

The weird thing, though, was that was not what was bothering him right now. It actually hadn’t been in quite a while and that was even weirder, because that was the only thing that had been bothering him for months. If he was being honest, he would rather be worried about college than what he was currently worried about. And that was the weirdest thing of them all, considering how miserable he had been. 

But even though he didn’t even know this person who was talking to him, he couldn’t tell her what was really bothering him. So, despite months of trying to avoid talking about it and lying about how much it had been bothering him, he decided to to lie about how much it was bothering him. 

“Yeah,” He said. “It’s just a lot of pressure and it feels like there’s not enough time to make all these huge decisions.” Which, while that was technically the truth, he really didn’t mean that at the moment. 

She nodded. “I get it. I’m in my third year and sometimes it still feels like I’m making all the wrong decisions,” She stopped herself and rethought what she had just said. “Which I now realize isn’t a very helpful thing to say to someone in your position…” 

“No, it’s okay,” He said. “It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this.” 

“Don’t worry, you definitely aren’t.” She smiled at him. “Anyways, I should get back to work, but it was nice talking to you.” 

She left the break room and Thomas said goodbye. He felt bad now that he didn’t know her name. It was nice to have someone who kind of understood what he was going through, even if they didn’t know what he was going through. 

When she was gone, Thomas grabbed his phone for the first time since he’d left the house that morning and he turned it on, expecting nothing. Just like he’d gotten every day for the past three days. But this time there wasn’t nothing. 

It started with his heart sinking out of fear of what the message might say, and was followed by a moment of disbelief. Thomas stared at the screen for a while, he closed his eyes and opened them a few times, he let the screen turn off before turning it back on again, all to prove that there was actually a new message. There was actually a new text from Newt from an hour ago. 

When he finally came to terms with what was happening, Thomas scrambled to turn on his phone and get to the message. He read it once, twice, several times over. All weekend he had been conjuring up ideas of what Newt might say when he finally got in touch with him. He’d mostly tried thinking up negative thoughts so he wouldn’t get his hopes up, but every once in a while a nice thought would slip in. This message gave him no indication as to what had been right and what had been wrong. He still had no idea what to expect. 

**Hey, can you come by the gallery on your lunch break?**

That was it. No explanation, no indication of mood, nothing. But still, Thomas felt more and simultaneously less hope than he had all weekend. There was so much prospect about seeing Newt in two hours and Thomas was so eager to go. If not for his dad, he would have left right now, not caring if he seemed too eager. If he had been working at Jorge’s and it wasn’t one of the rare days when it was busy, he would have asked if he could go take care of something and that he’d be back by the time Jorge had to leave for lunch. Jorge would have let him go, not giving it a second thought, and Thomas wouldn’t have to spend the rest of the morning worrying about it. 

But, of course, none of that was the case and Thomas was at his dad’s, who just so happened to walk into the room as Thomas sent back a reply. 

**Definitely. I’ll see you then**

As soon as Thomas realized his dad was in the room, he set down his phone as though he’d been caught doing something wrong. He had to remind himself that he was on his break. He was allowed to be on his phone during his break and his dad wasn’t allowed to tell him not to. 

“Hey,” His dad said. “Who are you talking to?” 

“Teresa,” It was such an easy lie that Thomas almost felt bad. Almost. 

Since all the fighting between Thomas and his parents in the past month, he hadn’t spoken to his dad near as much as he once had. Even less since they temporarily resolved things. It should have made things awkward, especially when he was working for him, but it seemed to make things better. Thomas no longer felt like he had to share every aspect of his life with his dad which made it a lot easier to keep a secret like Newt from him. It was actually nice. 

“So,” His dad said. “How’s the day going?”

He could have done without the small talk, though. “Fine,” He said. “You?”

“Good. Just getting ready for the afternoon.” 

Thomas hated every second of this and was actually grateful when he realized the 15 minutes of his break was up. 

“Right, well I should get back to work.” 

“Of course.” It was one of those rare times where he was glad for his dad’s workaholic nature. 

Thomas sent his dad a somewhat awkward smile and exited the room, happy to be distancing himself from that extremely uncomfortable exchange of pleasantries. He checked his phone one last time, more for the time than anything else, and began counting down the minutes until he could leave for lunch. 

Those minutes passed by like they always did when he was here, but it was so much worse today. Today it was a weekend’s worth of anxiety and waiting all compiled into two long hours. He spent every one of those minutes watching the clock while pretending to work so his dad wouldn’t get mad at him.  
As soon as noon hit, Thomas dropped his not-so-busy busy work, and headed for the door. He was going to stop to say goodbye to his parents, as they generally left a few minutes later, but his mom stopped him first. 

“Hey, Thomas, if you wait a few minutes the three of us could just carpool.” 

Thomas stopped, but it was incredibly hard to do so when he was so close to the door. “Thanks, but I’m actually meeting up with my friends.”

“Oh, really?” You never mentioned that.”

“Yeah, they were kinda last minute plans.”

“Okay…” She drew it out with a hint of uncertainty. Thomas glanced at the door that was a mere 7 feet away from him, desperately hoping to escape this pointless conversation. “You aren’t going to be late, though, right?” Of course that was her concern. 

“No,” He said, even though he was pretty sure he probably would be. “I’ll be back on time.” 

She still looked wary, and rightfully so, but she said goodbye and let the conversation end. Thomas walked out of the door in what he hoped came across as casual, but as soon as his mom couldn’t see him he was running towards his car. He was eager to get out of here as fast as he could. 

Thomas knew he likely wouldn’t be able to keep his promise to his mom, because the drive alone took him nearly 20 minutes. If the news Newt gave him was bad, then that conversation would likely be short and he would probably make it back with a bit of time to spare. If the news was good, however, that would probably be a bit of a longer conversation and with another 20 minutes back to the office, there was no way he would make it in an hour. 

When Thomas got out of his car, the magnitude of what he was about to do hit him. It wasn’t like he hadn’t realized what was going to happen when Newt finally talked to him; it was all he’d been thinking about all weekend. It was just that he’d been so busy thinking about what Newt might say that he forgot to consider what might happen after. If he decided he wasn’t interested, then Thomas would have to move on. Hopefully it wouldn’t be that hard to do. They hadn’t known each other for that long, really, so it shouldn’t have to be a big deal. If he was interested, though, then they would, what? Start dating? 

Thomas slowed down when he thought that. He knew that’s what he wanted, but he hadn’t realized just how much until now. Now he knew that if Newt told him that wasn’t what he wanted, it would crush him. He suddenly felt less motivated to go inside.

Still, he’d made it this far and he didn’t want to put it off any longer. He forced himself to walk up the stairs and open up the large glass doors that brought him inside. It was fairly quiet, which had been expected due to the lack of vehicles in the parking lot, but it made Thomas feel more nervous. Somehow it made him realize that he had no idea where he was supposed to go. If he was just supposed to wait here, if he should text Newt, he didn’t know. 

There was a woman sitting at the front desk who gave Thomas a friendly smile when he entered. He considered going to talk to her to see if she knew where Newt was, but that ended up being unnecessary. 

Two people rounded the corner and began heading in the direction of the main entrance. The older one, who looked very professional, stood with perfect posture and walked with an aura of importance. He was smiling, though, and spoke quite enthusiastically with his hands which made him look less intimidating. Beside him was Newt, and that’s who Thomas really focused on. 

Thomas had seen Newt when he’d been on his lunch break or right after work before, but he’d always been wearing a jacket or a sweater overtop of his uniform. This was the first time Thomas had seen him in just his uniform. He was wearing a stark-white button up shirt and a red tie with a blazer over top. It was a look that suited him very well, and Thomas hoped now more than ever that he was about to hear good news. It would be really upsetting to be told bad news when Newt looked this good. 

Newt, and who Thomas assumed was his boss, were talking quietly amongst themselves and Newt had not yet noticed Thomas waiting for him. He may not have noticed for a while if the receptionist had not addressed Thomas. 

“Good afternoon sir,” She said. Thomas took a moment to come back to reality and realize he was being spoken to. “Can I help you with something?” 

Thomas quickly glanced to her and when he looked back at Newt, he was now looking directly at him. Him and his boss had stopped, but he was still speaking to Newt who now looked away from Thomas. He smiled politely at his boss as he finished speaking, but there was a tightness in the smile that hadn’t been there before, and it made Thomas’ stomach sink. That didn’t seem like a good sign.

As Newt finished up, Thomas turned back to the receptionist. “Thank you,” He forced himself to smile. “But I’m actually just waiting for my friend.” He gestured to Newt.

It was only another moment before the man shook Newt’s hand, and Newt turned back in Thomas’ direction. He smiled at him, but Thomas could see it was forced. He returned the smile with just as much effort. 

“Hi,” Newt said when he approached Thomas. “How are you?” 

“I’m fine. You?”

Newt didn’t even bother answering. That also seemed like a bad sign. “Do you want to go outside?” He asked. Thomas nodded and let Newt lead the way. He brought them to a picnic table on the lawn in front of the building and they sat down on opposite sides. 

There was a long lull in between sitting and speaking and Thomas wished he could break it, but he didn’t know what he would even say. He didn’t want to appear too eager and he certainly wasn’t going to tell Newt how hard the weekend had been for him. He was sure it had been just as hard for Newt. So he waited. 

Finally, Newt looked at him for the first time since they’d sat down. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I’m sure waiting and getting nothing wasn’t easy.” 

“It’s fine,” Thomas said. “You had a lot to think about.” 

“Right,” Newt said. “Well, I don’t actually have long to talk. I probably should have waited until after work, but I didn’t think it was fair to make you wait any longer than I already had.” 

“It’s okay. I don’t have a long lunch either.” 

“I did a lot of thinking this weekend. That’s all I did…” He left that thought as inconclusive and moved on to the reason they were both sitting here. “The truth is that I like you. I liked you right from the start, actually. There was something about you that drew me in right away and that’s why I was so persistent about us hanging out. But…” 

Thomas flinched at that last word. He’d known it wasn’t a matter of whether or not Newt liked him; he knew that he did. It was whether or not Newt was no longer haunted by his father’s ignorance. And by the sound of that ‘but,’ it seemed like the issue had not been resolved. 

“But like I said on Thursday, there are issues with my dad that make things like this,” He gestured between him and Thomas. “Really difficult for me.”

“I get it, Newt. It’s okay.” Thomas was fully prepared, despite the devastation, to say ‘no hard feelings,’ and go back to work. This was pretty much what he’d been expecting, anyways, and he wasn’t going to try to change Newt’s mind. He was about to say goodbye, but Newt stopped him. 

“Wait, let me finish,” Thomas eased himself back down and watched Newt. He tried not to get his hopes up, but he felt a little bit of it reappear. “I don’t have the comfort of being open like you. I know I’m far away from my dad, but he did a number on me. That being said, I don’t want to throw this away because it seems like there’s something really good here…” 

“So what do you want to do?” Thomas was aware this was the exact same thing he’d asked on Thursday, but he knew this time he would get a definite answer. And this time he was starting to feel a lot of hope. 

“I don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with,” Thomas found this a weird thing to say. He was far more concerned with Newt being comfortable with this than him. Although he had a feeling he knew where this was going, so he let Newt finish. “I feel bad even suggesting this, I know it isn’t fair to you, but I don’t want to lose what seems like something that could be really great.”

He was having a hard time asking and Thomas could see that. But Thomas could also see where he was trying to go, so he decided to ask for him. “You want to date and not tell anybody. Is that it?” 

Newt looked at him, clearly feeling guilty for even suggesting it. Thomas felt like laughing, but that wouldn’t make Newt feel any better. It was just funny to him that Newt thought he would be upset about this suggestion. Thomas had been at a point this weekend where nothing could have been more upsetting to him than Newt saying no. Of course, he would have completely understood, but that wouldn’t make it any less of a letdown. Thomas smiled and the guilty look seemed to listen a bit. He stood up and walked over to Newt’s side of the table and sat down with a good bit of distance between them. What he really wanted to do was reach out and touch him, but this was a public place and right now, all he cared about was that Newt was okay. 

Newt looked at Thomas and Thomas could see some of the same hope that flooded him only a few minutes earlier now enter Newt’s eyes. “I don’t care if that’s what it takes. I don’t need anyone to know, as long as you’re okay with this.” 

Newt smiled. He looked as happy as Thomas felt and that was a lot. More than he’d felt in days. It did feel a bit odd, Thomas thought, to not be able to move in closer. It didn’t matter, though. None of it mattered anymore. 

“Okay,” Newt said after a while. “So should we...do something this week?” 

“Definitely,” Thomas said. “Is Thursday okay?” 

“Yeah. Why don’t you text me after work and we can figure out the details?” 

“Sounds good,” Thomas looked at the time on his phone. He only had ten minutes to get back to work which meant he’d definitely broken his promise to not be late. At the moment, though, it was really hard to care. “I should probably go.”

Newt ended up walking Thomas to his car, which wasn’t that far away but neither of them really wanted him to go. He didn’t get in right away. Every second he stood there bought him a worse lecture when he got back, but that didn’t matter. He was pretty sure even the claustrophobic walls of that office couldn’t bring down his mood right now. 

Thomas looked at Newt. A simple ‘goodbye’ certainly wasn’t the right way to leave. It needed to be more than that, but it was hard to figure out what was okay. Even this didn’t bother Thomas. He knew as this went on, they would figure out the boundaries of what worked and what didn’t. Now, he thought he would test that out. 

“Is a hug okay?” He asked. 

Newt smiled. “Yeah, that’s okay.” Thomas took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Newt. Newt did the same and even though his grip was quite light, Thomas felt incredibly secure. It lasted for only a couple seconds before Newt stepped away, but he smiled at Thomas as he got into his car. 

“I’ll talk to you tonight.” Thomas said. 

“Can’t wait,” 

Even though Thomas wasn’t worried about his mom being angry with him, he still sped on the way back to work. He didn’t want her to be too mad. He also couldn’t stop smiling. When Newt had texted him that morning, he really had expected bad news. He hadn’t been prepared for this outcome at all and he couldn’t believe how thrilled he was. This was the happiest he had been in a long time. 

When Thomas arrived back at the office, he parked beside his mom’s car. She’d probably been back for 30 minutes already, even though lunch had only ended 10 minutes ago. Thomas knew those 10 minutes would get him in quite a bit of trouble, though. 

Even with this in mind, Thomas didn’t slow as he walked into the building. He stopped at his mom’s desk, who’d looked up when he walked in and no, she did not look happy. He’d attempted to wipe the smile off of his face before she saw him, because him being happy when she was this mad would only make it worse. 

Thomas was apologizing before his mom could even say anything. “I’m really sorry, mom. Traffic was really bad and there was a really long line when I was trying to pay for my food. I got here as quickly as I could.” Every word out of his mouth was a lie, but she obviously bought it. She still wasn’t much less angry, but at least she believed him. 

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep, Thomas.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” 

She eyed him for a moment and then looked away. “You’re lucky your dad isn’t here. He would not tolerate this level of tardiness.” 

“I know, but I’m back now.” 

“Mhm,” She didn’t look at him, but he knew she would be over it soon. He was lucky that his dad wasn’t here, though. This conversation would have gone a lot differently. “Just get back to work.”  
He didn’t say anything else and did as he was told. The rest of the day didn’t seem so bad. Time went by at a normal pace and all of his menial work didn’t feel so mind-numbing. The hardest part was trying to keep a straight face all afternoon. He didn’t want to seem suspicious, especially with his mom being as angry as she was, but he couldn’t help but smile when he thought about what happened. Which was often. 

All day, it was all he could think about. It would leave his head for only a few seconds before something - anything - reminded him of Newt and he began smiling again. It had been thoughtful how concerned Newt was. Really, they’d both been more worried about the other person than themselves, but Newt hadn’t needed to be. Yes, Thomas knew keeping this a secret wouldn’t be easy. He knew he would want to talk to people about it, but he also knew it would be worth it. He wasn’t worried about hiding it, as long as it meant he got to be with Newt. 

That wasn’t it, though. There was something about not telling people that felt exciting. Not because it was ‘wrong’ or anything like that. It was more the idea of not telling his parents that appealed to Thomas. All his life his parents knew everything. There was not a thing that happened that they didn’t know of. Of course, as he got older there were a couple parties and the occasional drinking, but this felt different. This was something that was just for Thomas and Newt. His parents knew nothing, they had no say, they had no control. For the first time, Thomas felt like he had something that they had nothing to do with. There was finally something in his life that was only for him and Thomas couldn’t be happier.


End file.
